Lost in thought
perhaps a bit overwrought
eyes devoided of life
A foreigner in such a foreign world
what was then known and accounted for
now remains unfamiliar and gone
courtesy of a cruel world
the she once called home
I'm sick of pretending like everything's okay,
with the war going on inside my head.
I'm tired of trying,
to be normal.
While things are falling apart.
I'm tired of hoping,
you see behind my smiles and laughter.
And just once see my broken spirit and lost soul.
I'm tired of coping,
with something I can't.
When every thought and every breath is a war,
a war I'm not winning anymore.
I'm tired of existing,
can't I just disappear.
Take a break from the loneliness and pain.
I'm tired of breathing,
when actually I'm drowning.
While everyone else around me isn't.
I'm tired of living,
when I'm already dead on the inside.
Maybe life isn't for everyone.
It's not like I chose to be like this, I don't care if you see the cuts and scars on my wrists anymore...stop asking if I'm OK, do you like it when I lie to you?
Drowning in my thoughts,
alone in distraught.
Seeking a way out of this place,
this never-ending nightmare.
Out of options,
alone and depressed.
A few cuts away from a deep,sweet slumber.
The blade cuts deep beneath my skin,
blood steadily trickles down my arm,
as I say your goodbyes.
All before comforting darkness consumes me,
leaving this hell-on-Earth behind.
They won't miss me will they?
Never mind, it doesn't matter anymore
Whenever I think of Love,
I think of you.
Not because of the painful memories you left,
But because of the tender scars that you've left on my heart.
The heart that you so badly wanted to steal,
The heart that you burnt bridges for,
The heart that you broke walls down for.
The heart that I let you steal thinking you were worthy of it.
Whereas whenever I think of Hatred,
I think of me.
Not for letting my guard down,
Or letting you in,
But for turning a blind eye.
To all the signs that were leading to this.
And for letting you walk out,
Not putting up a fight.
Dedicated to someone
I hate myself for still loving you,
I tell myself that I'm fine without you,
That I don't need you,
But I know lying to myself will only hurt me more.
Even after I swore,
I would never love somebody like you.
I let you in,
I let you into my heart,
That you tore apart,
And my mind,
That lost it's sanity just thinking about you.
But I still love you,
Even though you left me broken.
You were the best mistake I ever made.
I can feel it,
the Darkness taking over.
I can't see it,
no one can,
yet I can feel it like a knife to my heart.
You just stand there,
your back to me hesitant to help,
hesitant to comfort me.
Don't you see?
This is all happening because of you,
the games you played,
the secrets you told,
the souls you've sold,
the hearts you've broken,
My Heart you've broken...
Nevermind it's too late,
I just want you to know,
I'm sorry for stealing your heart.
There you stand,
not too far but not too close.
Don't you see?
Don't you see how much you have hurt me,
of course you don't.
Because you have never understood me,
and you never will.
But to me,
you were easy to understand,
maybe too easy.
Until I realised I was still missing one piece,
that one piece that had my walls crumbling down,
my heart and mind confused,
my head filled with hatred,
yet my heart filled with pity.