There is always

One final shove

From those old Angels

We've forgotten how to love.


Their cold fingers

No longer reach the depths

Where they used to linger.


One final blue night

We listen to the trains.

Finally committing to a goodbye

Because the stars

That drift through your eyes

Can no longer flutter the heart

Or evoke butterflies.


Those same gentle eyes

Will let you go

One last time.

Watching headlights

Melt the highway.

I turned away from you

And there is no second try.

Nobody will refer to us as two

After this goodbye.

Worship,

You will worship

At the cemetery cross of a mother

Who couldn't spare you a tear

Even if you were her own.


Worship,

Worship,


You will hang yourself

From the cross

& Not even God

Or Bohumil himself

Could spare a tear

For one as small as you.


Worship,

Worship,


The razor blades you've sewn

Inside your sleeves

Will be forgotten

Till the next bitter winter

Will make your blood drip

And fall


Worship

You must worship

Till the bleeding stops

Till your heart beats slowly

Worship

Till they tell you

You aren't as pure as you should be

Worship

And admit that maybe

You're inclined to tragedy

Tonight will fill

With the bitterness

Your tragedies spill.


& you hate this.

This endless, lonely night.


Empty minds

With their empty,

Lonely lives.


Some days you will fill

With some old vice.

Though

It will never be enough

To ****.


& the night will always define the daylight.

& empty always defines your heart.


I don't think this will change.

I think you're just built this way.


Tonight will fill

With the darkness

You've started calling home.

Cigarettes will go by the name

"Friend"

& you'll spend your night wondering

Whether any of this

Will ever end.

The stars look crueler

As they watch you die

Beneath their light.


There are too many of them in the sky

With too much hate filling their eyes


They've seen hundreds of you before

They will see

Hundreds more


You think you deserve to be here

You've been praying quietly

These past few years.


You think you can hear them

Whispering about you

Above you

They knew you'd never make it

You know you don't belong


You know this mountain will be

Just as cold

Just as lonely

In two hundred years

As it is tonight

Finding warmth in a broken body

Found dead

By light


There are too many stars in the sky

With too much hate filling their eyes


They've seen hundreds of you before

They will see

Hundreds more


Did your family know you went terminal

When you booked that flight?

The way they held you as you said goodbye

You think they just might


You wish you could call home

With your last dying breath

And tell them you'll be gone

Someone finally chose your death


But that call will come

From an unknown number

From a voice too rough

Calling on a night

With too many stars

Filling up your sky


And from then on

Your sister wears a smile

That says she just wants to die

Trains pass by
Hiding bombs
Waiting to kiss the sky
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.

Another pill passing lips
From broken fingertips.
I wonder why my hands died
Before the rest of me could.

Empty monsters
Fill up attics
With my dead friends.

They walk past

Poems

Laughter and

Love

Just as empty by the end
As they were at the start.

So far
Nobody good
Has mentioned
My dead hands.

The drunken ghosts
Whispering to walls
Still blame me
For your death.

And my beauty is blurred
By my dead hands.
And my chest is bruised
By your young death.

And my glass philosophy
Has begun to shatter
Under the light
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.

I've stopped chasing trains
Everywhere I go.

I've stopped downing darkness
to deal with my own.

I've started drowning death
In everything good.


My car has forgotten
what it's like going over 75.
It doesn't wonder what every drop from every bridge will feel like.

I don't wonder how far I can go
before money runs out and gas gets low.
How far I can run before anyone will know.


I've stopped chasing trains
Everywhere I go.

I've stopped downing darkness
to deal with my own.

I've started drowning death
In everything good.

I've started drowning death
In you.

Ticking time bomb friends

Will lay themselves dead

Before you can understand

What's going through their head.


Death filled minds

With death dripping hands

Might include you

In their end of life plans.


You'll see the knife wounds

Cross hatching chests

You'll see the pills

That one day will put them to rest.


Death filled minds

With death dripping hands

Might include you

In their end of life plans.


They'll show you razors,

Knives and blood.

You'll never ask why

They'll never mention it again.

You'll excuse the rope you find

Filling up corners

You'll ignore sturdy beams

With chairs underneath them.

You won't think twice

When they ask for one bullet.

Maybe you'll be the one to put it

In ticking time bomb hands.


Death ridden minds

With death dripping hands

Might include you

In their end of life plans.


It's not your fault.

How could you have known?

You've made an art out of ignoring.

You assume the blood and gore meant

nothing.

It was just a bad night.

It's not your fault.

How could you have known?

It's not like you've lost

Every other one you've known.

It's okay.

It's really not your fault.

You can never stop

Death ridden minds

With death dripping hands.

You can never help

Your ticking time bomb

Friends.