I am a girl
I am a boy
I am who I wish to be
Only this,
And everything more.

I am smart
I am dumb
I am what I aim to be
Not limited to this,
And reaching outward.

I am strong
I am weak
I am made of these things
They are a part of myself
And they make me, me.

And I am loved,
I am hated
I am someone's sun and another's mortal enemy
I am who I will be
And I will be who I am.

My needs are dark and demented;
I am the haunted within you

For every drop of blood you spill
Less and less the need to

You wander in silence and **** without cause
Hoping the shadows will hide all your flaws

But the ice in your heart is just too much to bear
Perhaps she found solace in another man's care

Because I am the haunted within you;
No one will love you like I do

You and I, together forever
Just you and me, I'll make you forget her

Between love and lust and diamonds and gold,

A demon's bond with their human never grows old.

Everything I touch is destroyed
Why is time like quicksand?
It slips through my fingertips
It's getting out of hand.
My dreams burrow themselves in the dark
And hide until I can find them,
Until I make a spark.
The flame in my heart
Reignites and I start
To find myself believing
That no longer I am grieving,
The words in my head
Form these strings and these threads
That I'm better off dead
But I fight them again
And with bravery I said:
"I Can"

But words are more than sounds
And voices are more than vibrations
And every word you speak is more than a rhythm or a rhyme
But a symphony of sound,
An epiphany of vocalization,
A grand orchestra in a great hall.

Your words fall like velvet petals on my ears and entrance my bones into
Dancing the waltzes in which you lead me.
The structure of our movement is like the most graceful and complex string solo,
An explosion of wonderful cries to woo the hearts of every audience member,
And they see the intricacy of all the joints and muscles we use to enchant them.

Awed by the movement like fire, a swirling pattern moves around
Us and into the air like twirling, tapering smoke streams
Of many colors and songs.

"and then we'll head down there to get him, right?"



                              *why would you say that when you know i can't see him?

If you are evil,
Then I am an angel.

If you are no good,
Then I am a saint.

If you are fragile,
Then I am stone.

If you are weak,
Then I will be your strength.

I have a what
And his name is babe
I have a who
Who doesn't need a name.
I have a honey
Who's sweet and smooth
I have a dear
Who says "I Love You"
I have a man
Who's still growing up
I have a boy
Who is smart enough
I have a love
Who knows what to say
I have this person
Who always makes my day

I love the way you hold me,
I love the way you smile.

I love the way you say my name,
I love the way it rolls of your tongue.

I love your touch,
I love your humor.
I love your laugh,
I love your hands.

I love the way you look,
I love who you are.

But I don't love how sad I feel
When I open my eyes
And know that I was only
Dreaming of you,
And not really holding you like
I used to do,

Just

Like

Every

Other

Night.

please go away
leave me alone
thoughts in my brain say
'they'll find you when they get home'

what do i do?
i cannot hide
the searing pain in my chest
ceases to subside

so there i am sitting,
debating where to go
stay for another scene
or join the cast below?

far beneath the waves,
into the deep black
if i should choose to go,
i wont be coming back

anxiety floods me
saturating my mind
never letting me be
is this goodbye?

I want you to know,
Oh, I wish you knew,

That I still miss that smile,
I still miss you.

I still miss your touch,
I really miss your kiss.

I miss your hands holding mine,
And that feeling of bliss.

I miss your laugh,
I miss your look,

I miss the drawings you did
In that old beat-up sketchbook.

I miss the Tuesdays,
I miss the Sundays,

I miss the good morning texts,
Except for on Mondays.

I miss the alley,
And the field below.

I even miss your annoying brother,
And your black lab, Shadow.

I miss you and,
I wish you were still here.

But what I miss the most is
When you still held me near.

I won't tell them how much it affects me.
I won't tell them about every night I spent crying,
I won't tell them how much pain I really feel.
I'll just keep on acting like this is no big deal,
Like I'm fine and that you were just a good memory.
But at the end of the day,
My pillow is soaked,
My eyes are puffy and red.
I have to muffle my sobs for fear of someone hearing.
And when I'm calm, I lose myself to unconsciousness.

But regardless of how much I hate doing it,
And how much I want to tell them,
I know that in a few hours' time I'll be back at it:
Rereading our messages,
Recreating our phone calls in my head,
Remembering every kiss we shared.

And I'll still won't tell them.

I heard this song today and it reminds me of us,
I'm such a fool for you.
I don't know if you'll ever truly see what you mean to me
Or what I put myself through for you.
Sometimes I wish there was a guardian angel to go behind my back and tell you all the things I do for you,
Because I think you should know,
I think the world should know what I'm willing to do,
Because I'm such a fool for you.

Great satellite, up in the sky,
We see you watching over us.
Imploring our evil natures
And luring demons out of our empty souls.
Ask not for possessions and triumph soon follows.
Wonder only if this 'protection' is worth the oppression.
Rise against the satellite at will,
If you dare be seen by all who wander in the dark
But work 'under the sun.'
And when the sky burns red,
Product of flare and bomb,
Of homes against homes,
Remember that 'protection' was promised,
And oppression was not a price;
Never forget that your 'freedom' wasn't really free.
it came with a hidden fee:
Your life.

Now that I have the time
Perhaps I will find the rhyme,
Or maybe I will sit and think
With my cold hands and drink,
Possibly I'll fall asleep
Then maybe I won't have to weep.
Then again I may just cry,
And I know I won't have any clue why,
But that doesn't mean a thing,
Just like when I wore that ring.

There never will be a day
When I don't wish you'd come my way,
And I'll never have an hour
When I am the one with power.
I wield,
Then yield,
Because I see your face
Invading my space
And I think to myself
How insane, I need help.
Is anyone out there?
Does anyone care?

You are estranged to me
And you are more a stranger now
Than you were before I knew you.
I can't touch you anymore,
Even though I am always reaching out,
And I am always trying to grasp and take a hold of you to catch you.
I have always wanted to catch you when you fall.  
I have always wanted to to hold you when you cry.
But I don't even know who you are anymore.
Everything I thought I knew,
Well I guess it was a lie.
Because I took a few steps into your life
And I thought we were okay.
I knew I loved you, I thought you loved me.
I thought that I was helping you,
At least, I hoped that I was helping.
I hoped that I could be there for you.
I hoped that I could get you through the hard times.
I thought it was possible.
I thought I knew you.

I think that I am blue-or a hue- of the same,
The color which I see every night, every day.
I see it in the sky, in the rain,
I see it in the ocean, in my veins.

I wish I had amnesia
Retrograde at least
I know it's strong,
But it won't be long
Till I'm falling to my knees.
The ghost of you surrounds me,
And in darkness I’m engulfed.
You mean so much more to me
Than the moon to a wolf.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And the day filled me with dread.
From my father and my mother,
I wished that I was dead.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And my parents made a fuss.
Although I was sad,
I gave them my trust.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And they tried to give me everything.
Grateful I am, hateful I won't be,
But the only thing I wished for was his arms around me.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And I breathe a new breath.
The life that once engulfed me
Has now become death.

I turned sixteen yesterday,
And I miss him so much.
Happy as I tried to be,
I still longed for his touch.

And I am sixteen today,
He would have been, too,
But death came and took him,
Too many years, too soon.

You should have been sixteen,
But young you will stay.
My love for you will never die,
We'll meet again one day.

Let me go to bed with you
Exactly as I used to do,
When I was young and I only knew love,
But I never knew pain
Before I knew that life would be this way.

~
Bright orange pumpkins
And the aura of fall.
Scarecrows and bonfires,
Now I hate them all.
Turning leaves and the breeze of new Autumn
Candy corn and treats
Are the sweets that are brought in.
I've started to hate fall and all of its colors.
The warm evening auburns
And soft carrot cakes
A bonfire's red-yellow
Is all that it takes.
To set me off screaming
In a wild hate.
It seems the color orange
Is the source of my rage.

It's been so long,
Hello old friend
Writing me a song
In your crimson red
Reminding me of sunsets
And destructive fire,
Of sparkling garnets
And dying poinsettias
Oh how I missed you
But that's a total lie
I was so much better
Without you in my life
Now look what I've done
Hurting myself again
Waiting for all this crimson
To be washed away by the rain.

I witnessed the death of the moon today
The sun, he made her swoon today
Himself he flaunted, he mocked and taunted
He invaded her space and went on his way.

She fought with valor
And glorious might
But when he smiled
She'd faint at the sight.

Magnificent rays
Of sunshine days
And the pale white light
Of the moonlit night.

We saw her try,
We saw her cry,
We saw him laugh
At the look in her eyes

But she came back
With a fiery red fight
And we witnessed
The birth of a new moon tonight.

Let me just say
   That I miss you.
Let me just wonder
   If you miss me too.
Let me just hear
   That sweet voice of yours.
Let me just hear it,
   My ailments it cures.

Let me just say
   That I miss your touch.
Let me just repeat:
   I miss it so much.
Let me just cry
   Right into your shoulder
Let me just hope
   And wish that we were older.

Let me just fall
   Into that deep abyss
Let me just trip
  Into a bitter bliss
Let me just wander
  And feel the midnight's kiss
Let me just roam
   And end
      Just

         Like

            This.

I wish that you could fade out of my mind like smoke in the sky.
Its floats high above and never says goodbye
I won't miss it at all when it gets lost in the night.  
My memory of you could be gone like vapors in the air
Swirling up and up
Leaving me alone without a care.
You could have dissolved out like warm sugar water
Been gone like the granules
In a hot cup of tea
For me to consume and forget about
Just like you forgot about me.

Roses and sunshine and trees and light.
Who could I be?
Why, I'm Life.

Normalcy and happiness, and hardships and strife.
Look, it's me.
I'm still Life.

Anxiety and fear, going under the knife.
I'm still here.
It's just me, Life...

Alcohol and drugs, addiction gone rife.
I'm so tired of this job...
I don't want to be Life.

Then let me take over,
It'll be alright.
Settle down there,
Find yourself a wife.
You're so overworked,
Aren't you, Life?

Yes, I am,
And who might you be?
Why do you bear me such empathy?

My name is Death,
And I've been watching you.
Since day one,
I've seen all that you've been through.
So here I am to say,
It's my turn.
I hope that's okay.

Let me think it through, first.
Let me think of what to do, first.
Should I take a day,
Or continue my work and stay?
Hmmm...

I must say,
A break's long overdue.
Tell you what, Death,
I'll give this one to you.
Do a good job, now,
And don't play the fife.
Sound it once,
You'll end all life.

*Good, then, Life.
Saunter off now,
Waste not a day.
Want not a week?
Then have it your way.
I will not play the fife,
But I won't spare my scythe,
Good day, then friend.
Take your leave, then, Life

I want to be profound,
But I fear I won't be around
Long enough.

They are loverlike,
And I know they don't try.

But every fiber of my being
Sees them as they are,

And before I know it,  I cry.

I want to write you a love song,
But I fear I could not find the beat,
nor the melody,
or the rhythm,
or even the rhyme.

I have the words,
Or words intended,
If I knew what to say,
That would be splendid.

But here I sit,
Lonesome and gray.
I've run out of wit,
Gone by another day.

And I'll try to piece this song together,
But I know I will fail.
Because there is no proper way to write love,
And if I could not say the words out loud,
Then should I look for them above?

When the truth is,
Words cannot describe
How perfect you are,
How you saved my life.

I know I can try,
And try I might,
But this song isn't coming,
At least not tonight.

They told me that love would be beautiful
And that love would be kind.
But more and more these days I am surprised to find
That love is painful and love will ache
Love will not give as much as it takes.
I was accepting at first of this fate
But I have decided it will go my way.
I will make love, theoretically, my *****
I will make love as I sew every stitch,
I will draw lines of love one every page
I will love while I can with a furious rage
At the fact that this fate
And the fact that a mate
Should be decided for me
By a predetermined source
By a nonexistent force
According to the "way" that people go by
I refuse to never ask "why"
I refuse to sit like a calm, quiet sea
And love who is expected of me.

I'll lump you in with all the good ones and the bad ones,
The cute and the ugly
And the moons and the suns.
I'll lump you in with all my dreams and fears,
My woes and my joys
And my calmness and unrest.

I know you'll make me sick but you will also cure me,
And I know that you're bad, but you're also good for me.
I know that you might get sad, but I will make you happy,
I know that I'll get mad but I hope you can forgive me.

Let me go. I know I don't want

You to, but its best for both of us.

Never forget me, never forget my love.

Never forget our time.

Forget about them,
For they are lost,
Cuffs, cuffs,
Girl, you too are lost.

Forget about them,
For they are gone,
Drugs, drugs,
Last cards have been drawn.

Wander in this softest subject
Your curious mind and questioning words
Meander along until you find what you seek
And keep your goal in mind
Never forget that what you're looking for
Is not so far away;
And every word you speak is gallivanting
Through a thick brush of thought.
As you make your way forward
And get deeper and deeper,
Explore the inner thoughts
Of every empty moment before you.
Every inner mind,
Every winding road
Takes you to a new place,
A haven within every depth of your most encompassing memory.

Forget my face
Forget my name
But never forget the fun we had

Forget who I was to you
Forget about every minute we spent
But never forget what I made you feel

Forget the color of my eyes
Forget the feeling of my hand in yours
But never forget I loved you with all my heart.

I need a short time away from you.
Maybe only two days, no talking.
As hard as it is to say,
And hard it may be to admit,
But my day starts and ends with you.
Because of this, I get nothing done.
Not even missing assignments.

And in times of great distress I find myself wondering
If you found true love in your mistress?

She came in and took your heart,
She walked by and her scent lured you, but she was unwelcome.

Like candy in a van,
Like candelabras to a modern home.

Acrylic to canvas,
Adding a color and vibrancy that was not there before.

And, like a thief with gold and no intention,
Another abyss she was, and she aimed to take you with no purpose.

Now you are hers alone but she won't have you,
And now you are chasing to keep something which was never meant to be yours.

Her lure is gone,
Her scent eradicated,

Don't come running back,
Don't even think about it.

You left,
You made the choice.

You chose Miss Trespasser.

How can you just do that?
YOU LEFT AND I WANTED TO SCREAM.

You said you loved me but you lied.
YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME.

I think it's time to let go.
I STILL LOVE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU BROKE ME.

I'm sorry.
I'M SO SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I never want to see you again.
PLEASE ASK ME TO STAY.

The truth is,
I can act like I'm okay,
But I'm not.
Sometimes when I smile, I am dying.
Sometimes when I smile, I am actually happy,
Because sometimes I forget,
But then it comes back.
My smile fades.
You come flooding into my head,
And there's nothing I can do to get you out.
There's no alcohol strong enough to wash out your memory,
No drug cancerous enough to **** the thought of you.

You are always there.
Even when I think I'm okay,
Turns out I'm not.

I'm always thinking of you,
And I check less often these days,
But I still feel the urge to.

We never got that dance, you know.
It should have been as sweet as our first kiss,
But we both know
That no matter how hard we try,
We can only be as smooth as crunchy peanut butter.
It's a good thing, in our own way.

I might feel like we fit,
But you might think our pieces are a bit rugged,
That we may never meet and lock into place.

And your voice is still like music to me.
I might not hear it,
But I still remember it.
And every time I know someone else is hearing it,
My heart breaks a little more.

And I know I can never be that person you need,
I can never have that beautiful face that you deserve,
And I might never have that captivating character,
The one that keeps you glued to me.
But, despite all of that,
You are still perfect to me.
And yet you still thought you were never enough.

I still cry.
When you said you loved me,
You built me.
You broke my heart with every kiss,
Every syllable,
Every breath.

You are my amortentia and you don't even know it,

                                                                                                                     Do you?