How to:
focus on letters falling
out of your mouth like
a leaky spigot when
you have orchard eyes &
honeysuckle lashes that I
am positive would feel
like the down of the most
expensive pillow if
brushed against my
fingertips, & lilac breath
that dances around your
dripping syllables so gracefully
& dissipates like the sweetest
fog around me so that
I cannot see past you;
but why, why
on Earth would I
ever look away?

I'm sorry if I smiled at you.
I know that you don't like that anymore
but it's just that
it was an accident.

And I'm sorry if I smiled at you
but
I just got confused
because
I saw your eyes,
They were there, on your face,
And
they were exactly the same
eyes that used to be on
your face, you see,
In those times
when they used to smile at me.
And they were exactly the same eyes
that used to look at me
like I was your favourite person.
And they were exactly the same eyes,
And

...Except that they don't do that now,
And I know that,
And that's why I'm sorry
if I smiled at you,
But surely
you can understand my confusion,
You see,
it was simply human instinct
to smile at something I knew.

And I suppose I just assumed
(and I suppose I was wrong)
that perhaps they might remember
me too,
And I wasn't thinking,
It was automatic...
But I'm sorry,
I shouldn't be making excuses,
I should have remembered
that you don't do that anymore.

I'm sorry if I smiled at you,
I just
don't know what happened.

I'm often faced with the question
"why don't you just take medicine?"

Zoloft
Prozac
Lexapro
Paxil

do they take away the memories
or replace the words slipping through their mouths?
do they stop the fluttering of thoughts racing around my tired brain?
do those tiny capsules create apologies or never said goodbyes?
do they stop my thoughts at the late hours of the night?
do the scars on my wrists magically disapear?
do they erase the images of every bad thing that's ever happened?
do they suddenly make me good enough for everyone I wasn't?