I don't know what you're  doing
To us , Or to me
I can't  even tell anymore
If this is really how
Things are supposed to be
Mastermind
Of your own demise
But I'm just as stuck as you

What do you expect me to do?
Sit here waiting patently on cue
mind racing, stomach sinking, heart breaking
waiting just for you

20 minutes at a time
with a million thoughts on my mind
but 20 minutes goes by slow
in the dark waiting alone

For someone who probably
has someone else
waiting for them
just like myself

Except they don't wait
they get your time
because unlike them
To make me wait is fine

I am the other now
the one who waits
who patiently sits
who does what ever it takes

just for a second
of your atention
I must sit and wither
through a lofty detention

This a fear
I knew would come true
but never in my dreams
enacted  by you. . . .

One day you will not love me
The way you loved me
Once apon a yesterday

One day you will love her
And I will crumble
As my heart with you will stay

One day you will look back
And our love will be
But a sweet, memory

And that one day is the day
That my love for you
Will bloom into misery

You think I don't know
That you are also in pain
But my dear friend
I am not that insain . . .
It rings like a lie
But I never wanted you to feel
Like pet, a dog
Who needed to heel . . .
I want to hear what you say
But I know what it will do
I'm already crumbling
Alone without you . . .
But that does not mean
That I have spun lies??
I am simply trying to fight
My certain demise . . .
You have hurt me!!!
Straight to the core
But not by going
And trying to find more . . .
You hurt me because you hid
Cept it behind a curtain
Told me pretty words
So now I am uncertain . . .
Because the esance of our love
Was centered around honesty
Something I feel like you broke

That's what burdens me . . .

They win
There was nothing I could do
They did it
They ripped me away from you
They proved it
We were never ment to be
They knew
You wouldn't always love me
They smiled
As you slowly drifted away
They chuckled
For I could do nothing to make you stay
They cheered
When they realized what they'd done
They fired
As I turned to run
They beat me
Until the snow was red
They burnd me
Until I was shurly dead
They held
My body as it lay broken
The forced
My eyes upon one last token
You grinned
As my body began to die
I cried
"They" were just your lie

Split my soul in two
Half for me
and half for you

A soul made of blasfemy
   Tattered by the world around it
Lumbering down the wrong path
   Of which it had no choice to go
Haunted by the ones that once loved it dearest
   Degraded further by the ones that never did
Broken and withered to the point of death
   Oh, this was the face of woe

She was everything I wanted to be
No wonder I questioned my sexuality
But to find she might be into me?
My heart couldn't help but skip a beat

I was set on being her everything
Four years I batted my eyes
And watched as she fell for others
As she let them between her thighs

As young people will do
I fell for others to
But she was always there in my heart
My feelings always true

Lover apon lover
Cracked and broke me down
Slowly I lost myself
Slowly I began to drown

But I still loved them
Just as I loved her
But how could I love both
And for that I was unsure

Finally one day
I got my chance
After so long in denial
She had given me a second glance

I showed her what I could do
And she fell before me
She fell FOR ME
But it wasn't what I hoped it would be

For once in so long
I found that I didn't want her
And finally my life
Wasn't such a blur


Because I wanted him
And only him
I wanted him so much
That my love for her actually grew dim

I realized that day
That it wasn't about what you were
It was about who you were
Yes finally I was sure

So many people
talk about what they like
But I found that I like whos not whats
I'm not straight I'm not "****"

I am who I am
And I'm everything I want to be
And she helped me realize that
She helped me find me

You are worth so much
More then you could ever know
Just let me show you

If it is what you ask
I will always smile for you
Even when my tears crash down
It's the one thing I will always do

I will always smile
For I know it is what you want to see
Even when I'm broken inside
You'd rather see a happy me

I will always smile
As long as it makes you smile to
Because my smile would be pointless
If I wasn't smiling for you

Ravage
My heart, my soul
Steal it
And keep it for your own
Damaged
As it might be
Keep it
Far away and safe from me

I DON'T have your patience
And I DON'T have your time
Because unlike YOU
It's MY heart on the line
YOU many sit here waiting
Thinking one day it'll be OKAY
But I don't HAVE that luxury
To wait MY time away
YOU can pretend your happy
If that is what YOU please
But I will NOT lay before them
Weakly apon MY knees
Time IS a powerful weapon
Now THAT I will admit
But WAITING is a painful path
That to myself I will NOT commit
So have your PATIENCE
Yes have your TIME
But I don't have the HEART
To WAIT for you to be mine

The words of my soul
Are written in notes
Across five lines
With bars on each side

They don't understand
As I reach out my hand
You are the only one I want to grab it
But they think I'm a bad habit
They worry for you
And what I might do
So they tear us apart
Not thinking of your heart
They say this is best
As they take the heart from your chest
They blame it on me
As I drown in this sea
They hate me for existing
And I'm trying to keep resisting
But the erge to run grose strong
How can our love be wrong
And I won't say "hey we tried"
Because I need you by my side
Best friends from the begining
We can't let them keep winning
So don't let go of my hand
Just because they don't understand

Leave me alone
Don't touch me
Who cares
Forget it
What's the point
- - - -
Make a point
Keep fighimg for me
I care, please, don't you?
Hold me before I break
Please never leave me

Thinking about it
It almost means anything
Just change the title

Counting syllables
Is much harder then it seems
To keep it simple

Pretty girl and pretty girl
One is hollow, one is full
Hollow of the love she thought was hers
Full of the envy that took what wasn't
Pretty girl and pretty girl
One was true, one was false
True in the way she loved him whole
False in the way she took control
Pretty girl and pretty girl
One is humble, one is vain
Humble of the looks she has been blessed
Vain in her struggle to gain what she lacked
Pretty girl and pretty girl,
One is, and one is not,
One is beautiful with every flaw
One is not, as it seems, so pretty at all...

I'm sorry to bother you
I didn't mean to knock so loudly
I'm looking for something very dear to me
I'll gladly offer a bounty

no I don't know what it looks like
and it doesn't have a name for you to call
no you may not keep it
if you even find it at all

I don't know if it ever existed
or if I made it up myself
But please do inform me one day
If you find it on a shelf

Don't be alarmed if you find it under a bed
I promise it can't hurt you
But you should keep it from children
You never know what they might do

Now I'm sorry I have to go
There are many others to inform
I understand that for someone like you
This might be out of the norm

But just for me please look around
It won't take much concentration
I just really need some help
Finding my crazy imagination

Body crumbling
My heart bleeding in my hand
I fall before you

Childhood lost
Heart turned to frost
And what was the cost
Of this childhood lost

"Momma please don't yell"
Is the only thing I asked
Silence never fell

Conversation overloaded
psychopathic episode
Choke me till I learn to die
Yet to die is to live a lie
Swords and knives cut me deep
But my stature I still keep
Words so mighty are all that hurt
Rub them in my face like dirt
Cut me till my tears run dry
Sing me a broken lullaby
Demons rise angels fall
I try so hard to forget it all
Broken dreams rise from the dead
Broken promises stuck in my head
I will not cry I will not brake
My broken heart you shall not take
Beat me till I learn to listen
Still in my eyes you glow and glisten
You're not better then any one
Just because you hold a gun
Choke me cut me beat me down
Yet shoot me and I'll always be around
Forever written on your heart
Bitter memories taste so ****
I said that you would regret
Now you will never forget
My name is written on your skin
Blood on your hands as proof of sin

When he says "I love you"
I know it's a lie
When he say's "you're beautiful"
I just want to cry
But when I feel his touch
I could never deny
I love the way he feels

If I tell you I'm fine
For the millionth time

Please don't believe me

The only thing
I've ever pretended is
Haha. . . . . . never mind

Six in the morning
        The ringing phone wakes me up
                    My favorite alarm

A week ago
We were sitting in the cold
But I was warm
In your arms
today I sit in the heat
Shivering

You took a part of me
I didn't want to loose
Followed a path
I thought you'd never choose
Tomorrow
I know somehow
That it'll all be okay
The pain won't matter
Because that was yeaterday

I can't make people like me
It's sad, but true
But please do not hate me
For the things I can't do
I can't lie
I can't hide
I can't control
What's within
I can't love
I can't trust
I can't wait
Even for him
I can't be something I'm not
And that's sad but it's true
But please do not hate me
These are things I can't do

I want to do something nobody's done before
And when I'm done I want to be asked for more
I want to inspire sombodies masterpiece
But how can I, when I don't even inspire me

My life was just ripped away
And you think you understand
You've murdered me, internationally
And you think you're still my friend
I feel like I've lost a part of me
And you expect me to be nice
To lay down, to not fight
Say things to hurt me
Then get mad when I throw fire back
Thought I would break down
As you put my heart under attack
Side ways compliments
To put salt in my cuts
You say that you loved me
But that was never enough

Swollow your medicine
Be a good girl now
Taste a little bitter
But I can't afford the sugar
To help it go down

I'm not crazy
I'm insain
I am human
I'm deranged

You say I'm crazy
Then you are to
Look in the mirror
I'm just like you

We're not crazy
Not you not me
We're just human
Can't you see

So come and join me
In the sun
Because we're not crazy
We're like everyone

Be strange
Be loud
Go out in the croud
Don't hide
go play
And at the end of the day
Be happy
Be you
Just always stay true