I can't remember,
I can't understand,
I don't have concept of things,
My mind is leaking.
Don't leave me,please,
Give me a kiss on the cheek,
Hold my hand.
I am sick, sad and tired,
Be patient with me,
Don't think I am giving you a hard time,
I am having a hard time.
Keep me away from crowds and noises,
I hate them.
I may not answer,
I may be abrupt,
Don't take it to heart,
Still talk to me.
Don't lecture or argue,
My mind hurts,
Instead agree.
I am a lonely soul,
Give me a hint of kindness.
14/11/2019

This season of life is full of simplicity
predictability
normalcy
it’s a little boy about to turn 4 who asks Mama to play with him and read him the same books over and over again
birthday party planning, holiday coordinating
co parenting changing,
his stubborn side showing,
refusing to eat meals and pushing as far as he can
but also so so sweet when he tells me
“Mommy, you’re beautiful”
“Mom I want a hug”
“Mom will you sit by me?”
toddler talks and stuttering over his words because he can’t get them out fast enough
Sesame Street on repeat and little boy jokes
daycare drop offs and after work pick ups
bedtime routines and storybooks
Single child syndrome, center of attention
this season of life is so simple
motherhood now is like holding onto the baby things while also helping him do the big boy stuff,
independence blossoming
I always wondered when we would get here
past the diaper days
the breastfeeding
the restless nights
and teething
it’s all so bittersweet
My only baby
maybe my only baby
through ***** ups and scoldings he still wants to hold my hand and be carried by Mama
this season of life is all about childhood for an almost 4 year old little boy

I need someone...
I feel so lost, I don't know who I am or who I want to be...
You try to comfort me, tell me it's all going to be ok;
but it never is....
Why is it never ok....
I'm lost in this dark curtain of depression,
     searching for a way out of this hell i call my mind...
Please help me.... anyone..... I can't do this anymore...
I'm sorry... I'm so sorry......

when i was younger i begged time to go faster
i wanted to grow up right then and there
but now that i know the horrors of growing older
i wish i could've stayed young

Your smile
                
         is a slight breeze
                                        
                     on a beautiful,
                                                                  
                             sunny, summer day.

                                                             But oh,
              
                                                                    your mind
                            
                                                                                  is much,
                                          
                                                                                        much more.

All the moments get replayed
Every mistake I've ever made
Flashing through inside my head
Makes me wish I were dead.
Makes me wish I were dead.

i

use        my
sc a t te red

worDs

to collect
m y                e   v          e     n

MO r   E
**** TEred
                       h    e   a   r  t