I never asked who I was praying to
never needed to know
just Watched the dice roll as wishes did off my tongue
Cringed on the gamblers table.
See, my sister needed a bike
As much as she craved transportation
I craved sin more.
So when god dialed his voicemail and got my wish for fire
He transfered over the call
Or rather, down
And I became a jumble of kindling and wood.
On Christmas, the bike sat beneath the tree in a big red ribbon.
My sister sat with her hands clasped in prayer, and suddenly her fingers fell off.
She couldn't ride a bike with no fingers,
So santa swapped out the tags.
Signing the bike over to me.
Soaking my sisters tears in my flames.
Greed wasn't the only thing I prayed for,
I asked for ***. Lots of ***. And coffee. And Comic Sans to dissapear forever
And I got it. Most of it.
I still have to deal with ******* Comic Sans.
Even God cannot be that kind.
With all my wishes there was a price,
A horror, a trauma, to balance out all my bad karma for making these "wishes"
Or "deals".
With whoever was listening
If not God, someone...
It was Becky.
I call it Becky.
The voice
It's less intimidating than schizophrenia, or D.I.D, or the Devil.
When I pray to Becky.
She does not say a word back. she giggles,
In the corners of my eyes, waiting.
Listening to me beg for vices, slowly sacrificing my sanity.
Giving me everything I ask for,
And taking everything I want.

"if your personality was a beverage,
what beverage would it be?"

She said: "I think I'd be Coffee"

"No,
You can't be coffee."

You're too sweet
Cheap, With two shots of vanilla

COFFEE is bold, smokey,
Burns your throat.

I had coffee once,
Brandy

Woke up to her every morning,
For years I got drunk off of her
When I didn't drink enough water
She made me sick.
but I never drank water
Went down the hall
to a sippy cup full of milk.

Even she,
was not just milk.
She was strawberry milk.
My little Coffee milk.

You are not Coffee.
You are water.

But soak up all my grounds
***** yourself on the dead burnt cherries
I've left for you.

Maybe
you can be some quick
instant version.

I grazed your body this morning.
I was caught in the sweet scent of your perfume
Your sudduction was unlile anything before.
You are beautiful,
Maybe even too beautiful
I couldnt stop thinking.
You look at me
With those kind eyes
The kind that seems to whisper
Love me.
I long to see you
This dawn thats coming
Cant make me feel
This singing sensation.
You
Are in my heart
*will you stay for me?

You were an exquisite boy, or so I thought. You looked past normalcy in individuals & dug around in their chests for something to cling to. I saw a light in you. I'm guessing because you came from a far off place. A place I hadn't known to be tainted & hollow. I looked to you for answers. Answers you didn't have. I looked to you for safety. And a safe place, you weren't. Nights were spent indulging in music I had never heard, & sewing my skin back together in rows. It's hard to let go of the one who reminded you to drink. But eventually you just left me to dehydrate. It's for the better, I know. It was self destruction honestly. & although I no longer romanticize this silence, I will always love the boy who loved me when I was sad.

Is it bad
That i want to be someone big
Someone great?
Because
All my life
I've felt like i've been in a bubble,
Aaaalways in trouble.
I want to finally become someone people like.
Right now i feel alone,
But somehow i feel like its the start of the end.
I want to build a fanbase.
I want to live
better
Do you think i can?

She likes the smell of forgotten old books, the ones that are hidden in the library shelves.
She likes taking the books home and reading them all night long in her bed.
She will always take a book with her, no matter where she is going.
She can escape into fictional worlds, where she fights dragons and warlocks.
One day she hopes she can write a book, one day she hopes to inspire others.