I rip off the bandaid
And uncover the terrible truth beneath
It weeps afresh
Gaping red eye staring at me
Bleeding it’s own tiny sorrows
The walls press harder and harder
Boat in a glass bottle that lets the whole ocean in
The rush of it swallowing everything else
Mast, hull and keel becoming sodden
Driftwood piercing lungs and letting
That whisper trickle through
Seeping poison and rot and wrath
Truth enough to drown in
Truth that stares to the splintered ship of myself
Truth that ripples only the world and not the water,
I look away first

I will create oceans and rivers
From the tears that flow from my eyes
And they will envelop the shores
Formed in the crest of my torso,
The valleys that lay in between my *******
Will protect wildlife from the raging winds
Of my breaths, and the shaking earth
Of my heartbeat
My thoughts will form stars and planets
And I will create my own galaxies
My fingertips will be the roots of trees that will stretch ever onwards
I will grow and I will grow
And I will destroy as I please
No laws hold me
For I am my own universe
Unbidden, unbound.

Its only 8pm
And everything is just
So ******* awful,
You know?
My body hurts
My mind hurts
I can feel myself
Slipping away
And I don't think
They can pull me back
Not this time
Because life for me
Is an eclipse;
It is meant to be beautiful
But the reality is
The sun has gone from my life
And I cannot wait
For its return
The demons are back
And the angels have given up
I have stopped
Dreaming in colour.

You can read years of anger
Like Braille across my thighs
New scars overlapping the old ones
Hundreds of noughts and crosses games
I have been so unkind to myself
To my body, these legs
That only ever tried to keep me walking
That only ever wanted to hold me up
All these memories that bleed red
Did you know Regret reads crimson?
Body forgive me

Whatever matter exploded
In the Big Bang, the first star
Whatever black dwarf or supernova
Scattered it's thousand atoms
Across space, time, universes
Whatever that supernova was
I believe mine and his were the same

I've always loved the stars
And I can see him in constellations
And see constellations in his eyes
His heart beats with my steady drum
I think I have known he was mine
And I was his, from the first breath

Across miles of space and years of time
I have always been, somehow,
Looking for him

How could I not be called brave?
I, who have summoned my heart from my throat
Shaped it into pen and wrote with it
Weaved my soul around my fingers
Touched it to keyboard and left residue of that brightness,
Took all the scarred skin and made papyrus
How can you call me coward?
I have lain my body at the alter of sacrifice
Time and time again
Bled out on these stone steps for years
That creation may be birthed and witnessed
To break my skull open and feed you from it
It is the most courageous thing I have ever done

Your words are dull knives
With a tendency to leave a bruise
Who taught you to speak bullets
Without considering the exit wound?
Are we simply soldiers
Marching in fields of decaying youth
Or are we stars, burning out,
Supernovas of mistaken truths?

We will drown in the rain, the waves, trembling under the thunderous voices of those who oppose us. We are more than flesh and blood, we are stardust.

follow my instructions my dear
i promise, if you are hurting
this will not ail you further
and i can only hope
it will diminish your pain

breathe, darling, breathe
inhale, exhale
let the soothing coolness of life
fill your lungs and cleanse you
inhale, exhale,
that's it
you've got this

Now listen my love
I know things are tough right now
and you may not feel up to much
thats fine, i promise, its fine
just relax and let the air
take away a little part of your pain
inhale, exhale
breathe, darling, breathe

you can do this
just keep breathing
my dearest love,
keep breathing.

I sit here, using the pen I stole to write this
And wonder if you see my face in the steam of your coffee
Like I hear your voice in the half-murmurs of everyone around me
I count 11 empty seats in this cafe and see your ghost in all of them
When I met you, you smelled like ground beans and woodsmoke
Velvet against my mouth, I had become addicted
To your taste, both bitter and sweet
I would cup your face in my hands and tell you
That there was more warmth here than any drink
Your hazelnut eyes crinkled and we would laugh
Throaty and dark, I melted into the hum of it
When you left me, every glass in the house shattered
I was made entirely of cracks, overfull and leaking
My heartbreak a great chip that grew only larger
We touched for the last time and I felt the fire of you
Found it scalding against my cheek
The whisper of a bonfire as you walked away
Only tar black and thick against my rasping throat
I choked on every memory of your lips
Still, sat here, in this room that is all you
Only 2 empty seats now, enough for us
Enough for our ghosts to laugh together
I pack away the books, the stolen pens
Leave my latte, grown colder now
Untouched

They came from the curling tip of the world
She-cats with pelts of ink and smoke
Stars hidden in the folds of their fur
And in their mouths they held the suns’ fire
Where they stepped, trees grew, Rowan and ash
That blossomed and bowed and died before their next tread
They came to the great mouth of the ocean
That hissed and dragged it’s heaving body
Out from the reach of teeth that shine with the moon’s cold
When they spoke it was not with one voice but with all voices
Birthing cities and civilisations with a roll of their tongue
Drooling lifetimes into that sandy threshold
It was many kings and one
A different time, a different world
That beat with the same heart as the one before it
Not knowing it would expire with an exhaled breath
The planets above slowed their spinning
Millennia hastened to glimpse the void that was their eyes
Blinking darkness that held tired dreams and secret truths
That let spring bloom endless on each eyelash
The sisters that were one goddess that was all Time  
Loosed a cry heard at the reaches of the endless dark itself
And even that shuddered

they asked me if i was depressed
and i said no
because thats what they wanted to hear
He asked me if I had moved on
and i said yes
because that was what he needed to hear
she asked if i was okay
and i said no
but that wasn't what she chose to hear
and after a while
I cried for help
but no one was there to hear.

I am a skeleton
carrying this dead weight
of a foul carcass
my brain isn't functioning so well
I'm forgetting things
I can't really see straight
I think the neighbours are plotting something
The wasps in my mind
are buzzing buzzing  buzzing
stinging angrily at the memories
i have been repressing
for so many long, tired, years
and it hurts
I am a skeleton
I am a carcass

getting out of that car
i felt like i was leaving a shadow behind

you held me in those arms and somehow
i was two seperates of myself
one who was home, who belonged
and another, who was empty,
and she had never felt so alone

driving under those streetlights, like fireflies
I realised that the world was not small at all
and I was terribly real in that moment
even as i slipped away

my chest is suffocating me
I cannot even gasp for breath
due to the chasm of empty inside my ribcage
a black hole that vacuums up any emotion
i am devoid of passion now
and the joy i once felt
has long since fallen behind
as i ran from my fears and doubts
my memory is full
of promises shrouded in pain
and lies tied with satin bows
masking the poison they contain,
that, in time, will surely be my undoing
I have told myself so often
do not trust, do not befriend those
who have the power to hurt you
and each time i do
and each time i regret it
and recall the reason why i should not.

I find my soul in the dip of his lips
That perfect Cupid’s bow
How it seems to cup my very dreams
I know that my heart sits
In the curl of his smile, a secret thing
Held between us, one grin to another
And still the way he holds my lungs
Under his tongue, rolls them in his mouth
Controls every shudder of my chest
I am transcended when I look at him
Two eyes of spring forest that take me
Boundless into whispering sleep
When the light is absorbed into his skin
And they change from willow to ocean
In a blink we travel miles, and I follow
Eager, with my hands reaching for him
To entwine in the curls of his hair
I am always aching to pull him closer
He is the sun blowing kisses at my moon
And I, with all the brightness he gives me
Will sit peaceful in his orbit
Home, at last

The cold bites
And the wind hisses
The rain spits
And the sun dies
The kids mock
And the teachers gossip
The depression hits
And the anxiety twitches
But nothing
Is as cruel
As you

You died and left me with a rotten present
The car you stepped in front of
took more than your life
it took everything I lived for
And I tried to join you in heaven
When they asked me why
I just said that I felt closer to you
when I was dying
Than I ever did in life
I've been writing poems about you lately
About that day, and what happened
but in the end you make it home
So I guess you wouldn't like them.

Concept: me, filled with light. People gravitate around it like moths but instead of death they find comfort. My joy creates joy and it is all beautiful.

Concept: I have spent two days laying in bed, in the dark, I awaken today and decide to leave the confines of my room. The sun is shining. Everything is warm.

Concept: my body is a chrysalis, and someday I will emerge. Into the sun, vibrant, bright. And I will be beautiful

Concept: i live in an undiscovered forest and I co-exist. The trees, the wind, and the animals love me. I never feel alone.

Concept: the moon and her light seeps through that starry blanket, and I am enveloped in the feeling that, maybe, I belong.

Concept: There is a soft smile that warms me even when my bones have turned to ice. It is eternally summer in his embrace.

Concept: I am standing at the edge of a great abyss, it is dark and unending and I am no longer afraid of it.

Concept: I am unravelling, seeing particles on my fingertips drifting like dust in sunlight. I am in all sorts of directions. There is no more pain.

Concept: the scars on my legs are fading. The past is behind me and I can finally breathe.

Concept: inside my ribcage there is a tree growing. I am blossoming and every drop of blood is nourishment to my inner oak. She keeps me steady and she doesn't bloom all year round but when she does, its beautiful. Im healing, I'm healing.

Concept: i don't cry myself to sleep anymore, the only noises are the passing cars and soft breathing. There is no more muffled sobbing and i dream in colour.

Concept: Someone, just once, does not give up on me. I am enough as I am and someone only wants to *stay

Concept: my body is made of gasoline. You're my spark my spark my spark. I am aflame and it feels so good to burn.

Concept: 32º heat with friends in the green grass. I am looking at you and you at me, i don't know where we stand anymore. You move from your 10 foot distance to kiss my head and rest yours in my lap. The turbulent sea inside me calms with relief.

Concept: it gets so cold in here that i can feel ice encasing my bones. But his heart is warm, god its so warm, and in his arms, i find sanctuary.

Concept: From a tiny pinprick on my finger blossoms a rich, red rose. She grows beautiful and when her petals fall, I marvel at her short, bright life. She knew nothing but love.

Concept: i am sat under the moon and stars and they are so bright it is blinding, but when i cannot see for their brightness, i hear music, in the music, voices.
The stars are calling me home.

Concept: I have stopped writing so much about the sadness seeping in my bones, somewhere along the way it has returned to stardust, somewhere along the way I began to smile.

Concept: I am swimming through starlight on the back of a great, green turtle. She is benevolent and languid. Her voice sounds like my mother's.

Concept: My tears return to the ocean, She curls herself around me and i sigh with relief. In the slow rocking of the tide, i will always be Her child. There are no tears now, only dreams of seasalt and an eternal embrace.

Concept: I whisper to the moon that I cannot sleep and she sends me dreams of ocean waves and whale songs

Concept: me, gazing wistfully at the stars, my favourite one has a haze of blue around it, and so bright, so bright.
Sometime later, one by one, the stars fall to earth, growing legs and arms and eyes. my blue hazed brightness lands in my garden, there is eternal peace in his light, and he, in turn, has been looking wistfully at me for lifetimes.

Concept: the cities are empty, vines grow through top-floor windows and trees stretch taller than the buildings. Nature has reclaimed herself.

Concept: We climb, laughing, to the top of the tallest baobab tree in the whole grove. I can run my fingers through the clouds passing above us and the great blue of the sky blends into the enchanting colour of your eyes. With hands intertwined, we jump and are carried by the breeze. I know you are afraid of heights, but we are so safe together, so safe.

Concept: your body has always been anchored by nightmares, locked to the earth by the creeping cold in your bones. One day the sun breaks through a winter sky, melting the ice inside you and letting sleep hold you for but a moment.
And in that moment, that fleeting minute of light,
A dream grew wings.

Concept: The fault lines in me have started to birth flowers, there is grass growing where the empty dwelt, lavender and larkspur are peeking their periwinkle heads out of every crack and fissure, and I am singing with life

Concept: everything is fading into sleep as the autumn blankets around you. The sun is low in the sky and it has painted the world gold. There are birds singing quietly as they dream and you, too, are ready to slumber.
You will waken to peace.