i can't explain the way this makes me feel
i don't believe; you told me it wouldn't hurt me if i didn't
it still hurts me
so i let go, i let it leave
still it does me harm

and all those preachers
with their talk of gods and spirits
i only believe in one kind of ghost
the echo of existence
and demons of history
mine, yours, theirs

let it go, let it leave
but there's still movement in the mirrors
so drink my coffee like it's morphine
and numb the pain with sleeplessness
god forbid a nightmare come to life
stay awake
they'll do no harm

i dream of him in shades of blue
yellow, purple and green
and knuckles dusters do their job,
sweeping dirt away with a single touch
because i
am a filthy stain on your best gown.
he was being thoughtful, cleaning up a mess

it's all my fault, really
i inspire rage and discomfort
and i try to let go, but
i'm the one that needs to be left behind
and if you let me go, if you let me leave
i can't do you harm

don't believe in me,
believe in your ghosts
exorcise me, please, and maybe i'll sleep
no more morphine, no more bloodshot eyes
just a place to lay my demons to rest
bury them with my body
almost, i'd find myself blessed

i need a starting line so i can finish this
tell me where you end
and i begin
so i can map out the joins in our souls
and i can cut them off

emotional amputee,
the feel of your absence trips me up
but i'll learn to live without you
because i have to
and i'm stronger than this, than us

the stories i've spun━fantasy, make believe
trying to make myself believe
that there's a version of this hopeless chronicle
where the ending is happy

but we both know
i'm ******* chronic

pull the trigger.
i'll kick up the dust, a sprinting start
as if running away from problems
has a podium, has medals, prestige━
i could win the whole world
but never the spark in your eyes;
i'll never be rewarded by your lovesick smiles

so many sunsets i watched
trembling below the horizon
and wished the earth would **** me up the same,

the rush of blood in my veins,
louder than the speeding cars
drag racing through streets
and i thought to step out into the road and
let them rush me to other realms

where maybe
my fantasies
all of them, the happy endings
might be a reality

apollo kissed his wings
and forgot to mention
how everything he touches turns to dust

how prettily he cries when he falls,
how beautiful he looks
being ****** up by the sea
maybe this was always his destiny,
to fall twice over and drown

i wish i would've caught you
such a useless sentiment
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride

apollo b u r n s, burns so brightly
burns like the hot sun
but his eyes are blue, cold like dying stars;
he fries his retinas, anyway

never cared too much for his own safety
when he could gaze upon
love upon
worship upon the sun

sunburned and scarred,
would you envelope him in warmth
those last few seconds
before he succumbed to the freezing ocean?

one last night with the fallen,
apollo's fingers graze the gentle curve of his spine
dip into the nooks of his hipbones
and he sings even as he singes

one last night with a beautiful, falling boy
destined to plummet
yet always aiming high

never once did he let fate provide limitations
regret? not a thing
that boy knew how to *f l y

i just wanted you to know
that i just want you to breathe
i want to have the same effect as prozac,
make it easier for you to feel at ease
and if you haven't noticed
it's impossible for me to let you go
i gave up
i'm not fighting anymore

bathing in the light of the sun,
surrounded by the beauty of the world
by night i'm gazing at the stars
awash in the glow of the moon
and i love my little galaxy
this universe, created from fantasies,
existing solely for me
what god exists that made you all my reality
my sun, my world, my moon and stars
and the planets between, unique and
alive, so alive despite no signs
of yet loving life
if i were a god i'd make it so
that you all fell in love
with life and love and happiness
and they fell for you, too

battle call, don't you hear them scream?
i pledge allegiance to the left wing
devout my life so much so that i started training my left hand years ago

and i think there's something to be said
for the right wing bible belt battering freedom out of men
and that is
the religion you preach with your right hand of the father
is neither love nor hope nor reverence

right wing, right hands, alt-right
preach omnipotence in the name of benevolence
and show no compassion to anyone

so you'll excuse me if i tune out your preaching
in favour of that sacrilegious singing
how dare those lyrics write free love into the veins of children
am i right, or am i right?

no, i'm left

tell the ones who put you here how you've had enough
scream it to the skies, 'til your lungs burn and tears sting your eyes
in case the one they call goodness and love is real enough to listen
hold your heart up in both hands like it's your mission
you don't have to be mormon to spread your word like it's gospel
you've just gotta have faith in your method of communication
when you open up your mouth and a storm comes out
i hope the clouds churn and the rain falls and they feel the pain you've been dealt

we can put all hope to bed but hope has a funny habit of waking up again
and i can honestly say my life would lose so much quality
if you were to go to sleep and never open your eyes again
and quality of life is a measurement of longevity, a question:
is it worth it? can i survive this? can i live when the sun burns away the darkness?
you are the sun, my sun, you just don't see it yet
because who can get close enough to the sun without being blinded?
who could hold a mirror to the sun and let it see itself before the mirror melted?
you are the sun, my sun, even if you never see it, try to believe it