Friends don’t look at each other that way.

I compare my love for you to my driving.

Reckless.
Youthful.
Shouldn't be allowed.
Dangerous.

Yet I need it to get to where I want to go.

Everyone drives.
The ones who don't are content with that alone.

I shouldn't be allowed to.

I put my foot to the gas.
Trying to reach you.
Terryfying and exhilarating all at the same time.
But I'm all in.

Stop.

Abrupt.
Shock.
Fear.
Sorrow.

And it might just still be allowed.

I was never anything but flammable material
I kept you warm but I burned myself out
Every week I tell my therapist about you
How things have changed
How I have a new man every night
How I rarely learn their names and they never call me back
How I'm nothing but empty anymore
And you judge me for healing wrong
As if what I'm doing is any worse than five weeks of self pity
As if your feelings will always continue to trump mine
As if you still have some say in what I do
As if you're still holding the matches
But I'm learning to speak for myself
I've learned how to moan three different names in less than two days
And how to make none of them sound even remotely like yours
I'm moving on and it kills you, I know
But you only liked the dancing fire and the warmth
You never could stand the smell of smoke.

Shame on you for not loving me back
Shame on you for not staying
Shame on you for not making me stay
Shame on you for...
Shame on you
Shame on you
Shame on
*Shame on me, for hoping, believing and loving, and living.

and maybe i fell so hard into lust
that you tricked me into believing it was love

Time can say nothing but I told you so,
Time only knows the price we have to pay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.

If we should weep when clowns put on their show,
If we should stumble when musicians play,
Time can say nothing but I told you so.

There are no fortunes to be told, although
Because I love you more than I can say,
If I could tell you, I would let you know.

The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;
Time can say nothing but I told you so.

Perhaps the roses really want to grow,
The vision seriously intends to stay;
If I could tell you, I would let you know.

Suppose the lions all get up and go,
And all the brooks and soldiers run away?
Time can say nothing but I told you so.
If I could tell you, I would let you know.

I see you slowly disappearing
under all the weight
I want to hold your hand
and tell you it’ll be okay
we both know that’s a load of bull crap
and I don’t want to lie
please don’t disappear
please know you are the brightest star
you taught me how to think
you taught me how to frown
you taught me the beauty of vulnerability
and I don’t want to hold you down
please know that I love you
and even if you need
me to let you go
i’ll do that cause I love you
but please
please
don’t leave this world alone

My heart,
My biggest vulnerability.
But for you,
I’m exposed.