If I could say the words I wanted,
It would go something like
I love you, I'm sorry I can't be everything you needed
I wanted to, I did
But I don't feel good enough to try,
I could pretend to be him, maybe last a few years,
But essentially I'd end up failing and you'd be left, alone, wanting, for somebody that would give you the world.
I wish I could. I do but life has not played out that way.
All I have is words, and I hope you listen to them, believe, and understand them, I wish it were more, but they're all I have to give ***

I feel something is missing,
Or lost, did I have it in the beginning?
I can't be succeeding, this feeling certainly isn't winning,
And even my grinning must come at a cost,
I've not paid the piper as such, but when he arrives he'll leave and take the lot,
Everything I've got is at stake,
Make no mistake, I take the hate seriously and leave my soul as bait,
But I can't relate to the feeling of calm,
Sweat holds my palm and leads my arm to the hot pool of harm,
This is no yarn I spin only the wheel,
The chain holds my heel keeping the steps from stepping on what's real.
It's time to heal but what is lost I've not found,
My flesh torn by hells hound, the paw pounds upon the ground whilst the deserted town fails to sing.
Am I lost or just missing.

Tick after tock after tick after tock,
The face of the clock watches on with arrogance,  
Designed to remind us of the time we're wasting,
A smile from three to nine stretches over his face,
Each minute counted with with a strike of his hand,
An open fist of judgement protecting his noble numbered main,
He calls out when another hour has dwindled merrily by,
He knows it means we have an hour less,
He knows he will remain to haunt who's left.

Smiles make it all worth while,
Even when the day has tried to break me down,
The hours that have passed since I felt ok are forgotten with a simple act,
Even though time can ware and I forget,
In no time at all you remind me with one simple motion,
I have started to keep a picture on my person,
Like a soldier away in the darkest hour,
I look at it longingly and the smile lifts me,
To look at your smile is the single most pacifying view I can behold,
It fills me with joy and happiness and I thank you for blessing me with it.

To think of how much I want you now
Is worthy of an act so ridiculous, so absurd
That only I will do this for you as long as you stand.
To cast out, dismiss and discard a daily symbol from our ABC again and again which is no cinch I can warn you.
I could hand you a magical, linguistical and **** right amazing work of art to gain your insight into how much my soul is yours,
but that holds no fun and is, in fact, a bit boring.

For you that can not gain a point of what I am trying to fix.
E entirely equals every everlasting effectionate emotion

Live to change lives
Die and you're remembered
Be Remembered

Don't mistake survival for happiness,
Read behind the eyes,
Read between the lines,
Don't ask for an open mind,
What's inside isn't all it seems,

Take the smile as a gospel truth,
Accept normality as a guide of peace
Be appeased the simple things are easy,
The daily routine is routinely pacifying.

All I ask as I carry on keeping on,
Remember the fight I engaged to be here,
To remain here, to stand not flee,
I will not ask for concern, just remember.
Please just remember I am still fighting.