My mother looked for God at the bottom of a wine glass as empty as her heart,
she shrunk herself down to curl up in the bottom of it
and I haven’t heard her pray since.

My father looked for God at a grave marked for a man that introduced them.
But saw only grass growing over dirt,
saw only unanswered pleas
and he has been six feet further away from being saved since.

My brother looked for God in the highest place he could reach.
He was met with only a long way to fall,
the ground beneath him wasn’t as soft as it had been when he was a child,
and he hasn’t looked up since.

I looked for God in unheard answers and nights of loneliness.
All that I got back were prayers soiled with tears.
I caved in on myself.
And i have learned something since.

The dark cavern between my ribs holds promises
The possibilities of a glass that is empty
is as much as an empty heart has;
to be filled.
The certainty that six feet under isn't where our loved ones lie
The blanket of a God that loves us enough to let us hate Him
The highest place we can reach on earth,
is kneeling before a God that is not hard to find, but is hard to see.
All I had to do, was look inside of myself.

Is it selfish of me to mourn my skin? Having seen the patients around me with no surface left to theirs, how can I still mourn a flesh Ive always taken for granted? Now I kiss the places the fire kissed me in hopes of aiding in the healing. But how hard the healing has been. Those first three hours in the emergency room when I swore that I could still feel the fire, as white coat blurs of faces peeled my layers. I cried out for each screaming cell. My eyes swelled shut to spare my weak mind. Skin, I would no longer want to look at. Skin, I spent hours tanning and pampering. Skin, I planned on wearing with confidence. Shorts and swimsuits, summertime smiles. I wouldn't know for some time what I lost when I was burned. I'm still learning to love what I have gained. Strength, slowly strung itself about me, day by day I dreaded the coming day less and less. I managed as we all do. I managed to scrub my own skin raw just like the doctors. I managed half smiles and choked laughter. I managed positive thoughts and dreams of recovery on the horizon. It looked so far yet so beautiful, so enticing. It is nearer now, close enough to feel the glow. Yet, it comes not without struggles of its own. See, I must remember to love myself. When the last of my strength seeps out with my tears. I must remember to be grateful. For my body's determination to heal has only sprouted from the days warped with dread and pain, I have grown. I may not like what I see but I needed to love my insides more anyways. This charred skin is a lesson I should wear without shame. It is only a tribute to my strength. It is only a picture of my resilience.

In search of perfection;
In desperation, my heart is weak.

Hollow in my mind, visions;
She's in revision, being pieced together still.

I can't wait any longer;
My lust stronger than ever, so I settle.

Time slips her away from my mind,
I'll never find perfection again.

Lifelong ignorance and bliss;
I miss the days we never lived.

The burden’s growing heavier with each second
Been keeping my head up, and never beckoned
On through the night, dragging this weight alone
These winds are strong, they freeze me to the bone

Constantly afraid of what may be lurking
No matter the cost, I have to keep looking
In the unknown, I place my only hope
Feels like waiting for the snap of a rope

“To start anew”, they said with smiley faces
“Go in peace! Travel to find different places.
This land is dying and so are we all.
Go now! But remember, you must stand tall!”

So far, I haven’t found a place to settle
Many days went on in this constant battle
Got no map or compass to guide my way
As I advance, deeper into the fray

Water and hail, fall heavily on my path
For far too long, I faced the storm god's wrath
For how much longer will I have to roam?
Must it be this hard, to find a new home?

Maybe I’ll just stop, sit right here and wait
Calm my body, spirit and fast heart-rate
Perhaps someone might pass around these parts
Provide some help, so that my journey starts


*Journey Short on Hope by João Massada is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

We have calcium in our bones
Iron in our veins
Carbon in our souls
And
Nitrogen in our brains
94.3 percent stardust
And
With souls made of flames
We are all just stars that have people names

It's 2 o'clock in the morning now.
I'm on a late night drive to the Acme pit mines.
With muddy thoughts in a midnight mind,
a mound of gravel in my guts,
I'm churning up
                  The last 4 years
and knocking back a cocktail
                   of wins and losses.
Wyoming night in the early Autumn.
Do you wanna come for a drive?

Take me back to that Winter night
when we walked outside
and filled cold air with our voices.
We set the icy, empty streets to rights,
and just talked all night
until our frozen throats thawed out.

3:10 a.m. It's still warm outside.
The gravel speaks, with each step, under my feet.
Tally up the feet and miles I've gone,
the feet and miles we have lived.
A memory walk
                  is vignette stops:
Those nights we spent drinking wine
                  on your rooftop.
Wyoming night in the heat of Summer.
Do you wanna come for a drive?

Thinking back on that April night
when we stayed inside
and hid from rain in the Springtime.
We let our favorite records spin all night
while it soaked outside
until the red wine sky dried out.

An empty ghost town. 3:45.
Imprints of gravel on my legs are a star map
I'll follow back to the times we had
through mounting years and empty space.
A distant place
                 I'm dredging up.
The one laid down; woven thick
                 in our fibers.
The map is laid out but I know my way.
So do you wanna come for a drive?

Let's celebrate indecision!
The weighing of pros and cons
The doubts and what ifs.
Rejoice in the feeling of uncertainty
When all the options seem equally weighted.
When doing what you please doesn't seem pleasing at all.
Suppose there was only one choice,
Now add five more.
Conjure up that feeling of confusion
Cherish that back and forth
Like tossing and turning at night
The uneasiness with which you approach
A fork in the road, which
Sounds more like a headache.
The longer you teeter the more you totter
Until at last! The decision seems made
...Or does it?

If only they made one brand of toothpaste.