i get so lonely at times
unfortunately though it still
makes no sense at all
i close my eyes and hear the
sound of the rain yet
feel summer rays slightly
pain exposed skin

the weather,
oh the weather

i swear the sweetest song
of all is the sound of
the wind that sweeps in
before that loneliness begins

you'll be all better
i'll repeat and repeat it
until you believe it
i'll sing it and dance it
and be and mean it

feet don't fail me now
it'll make sense somehow
i say in between
heavy pants and second
thoughts and undertones

it's all for nothing though
and that's quite alright
i'm one with the universe
and the stars out tonight

but don't try and make sense
of what i confess, it's all just
some ploy to get you undressed,
i guess, you said it- i'm a mess

you can see right through it
and if you do know what's best
you'll not spend one moment
and you'll avoid my caress

i'm just playing my part, though
it's all thoughts and undertones
and the cold air that breaches bone
the one thing i really own

is this senseless need to be what you
see, when you're laying in bed
and you're thinking of things
that kept you from flying
from dancing so free
a form of bravery an image
beautifully obscene

the chaos of all things drenched
in *** appeal
draped in fine fabrics
with nails made of steel

but look how you make an
impressionable mind rant

the fear beats
concrete pillows and
cold alleyways
though
as white lines go by
I wish that they
would continue

interrupted but
focused enough to
lead me there

inferior, but
motivated regardless
such is such
and life is life

lead me to pillows fluffed
in understanding, a bed fit for
a delusional king,
grounded in the caress
of intrigue, with the
spirit of the dreamer
dangling up overhead

take me to where I
can dare to indulge in
the freedom of waking
with the sun, the right
and reason to chase it
to its ends, the need to
be where it finds its
refuge in the dark,
the moon resonating
slight, slipping memory
of since passed splendor

allow me to love,
whatever that means

paper thin walls,
foolish dreams, countless
meaningless things
that bring meaning
to those things
countable and concrete

and in no discreet way
I long for life
for despair
for humanistic helplessness
subject to all things beautiful
and eternal

the fear is in fact the pillow,
the comfort, the shelter
the reminder-
and yet the distraction

one must, one must
turn gold to dust

take the place of
random space,
and fill it with the
tarnished grace

the flaws, the tragedy
the confusing beauty
of it all

I want it to disappear
into my heart
mind
and soul

stardust and delusions,
my being
my mystery

that is what all
is and must be

and I will see this through

*I will be consumed

you think you know someone
you never really do, fool

you think you need somebody
and feel they need you too

you try and want something
someone's crazy enough to want you

you slave and slave and slave away
to force fantasy into truth

all who you would you reach out to
become increasingly obtuse

all thoughts that rattle around
are now familiar abuse

and all that beauty you breathe in
a sweet darkened velvet noose

who are you now
in far away land

how can it be that
here we stand

I will melt
you will solidify me
I'll end up putty
in your hands in no
time
at all

and how redundant
those marks
art on art
it hammers in desperation
and despair

you more woman
than I can fathom
your perfect eyes
near hard to bear

I will accept my fate
and all those things
that are at stake
the saddened seeds
used to make
a life slightly better than dying

I will be a notch in stone

you will be my coldest winter

That look

no words come close
and yet you could write
an entire novel about it

but you can't put it into words

but I'd **** for that look
I would die for it

I need no other affirmation

no other high

other than that glance
that look of love or something
near

the appreciation
the want
the need
reciprocated with locked eyes

I've lived without it
up to this point

but I can't imagine another
happy day

without
your
loving
look

I am an absolute fool

I yearn for the embrace
the touch
the caress
of curious fingers

tender hands

reaching out for me

soul to soul,
through body warmth
a burn in my stomach
but a fire in the pit of it

I miss the security of
arms wrapped around

I miss the security of
of being trapped within
clasped hands

the purpose,
the mutual need to
be close

coddle me

make it so

I want all the air I breathe

to be littered by the intentions of another

this isn't hate
but it burns

it burns & it burns

I don't know
what the goal is

but this suffering
has to have reason