and then

you look for

a way to

peel of your skin,

a candlestick

and a rusted

blade beside

the matchbox

because the

dreams were

too magnificent for

you to ever

grow into,

so you lie

beside it

in a corner,

let it pour out

like wandering

silver mist

from a stranger’s

lost cigarette,

too exhausted

to be another

hand-me-down;

teeming with

pride

like a writer’s

old notebook

that still smells

of old lavender

and almost

unused lipstick

and teardrops

and ink blots

and almost

unnoticed mistakes

and a little

too much sentiment,

outlawed by time,

ripped out

like a reluctant

heartful of stifling

frustration and

fragmented

with sarcastic

tenderness,

like gravel

that once

hoped to

be sculpture

in an ancient

museum of fine arts,

because, y’know,

everything

is fine

until it’s gone;

shine bright;

dead stars

were born in

the wrong

galaxy; dead

people were

merely unlucky.

I want to feel your skin on mine
and our hands intertwined
I could lay with you forever
but I know you'd get bored.

**** the world.
**** the liars.
**** the cheaters.
**** the rude ones.
**** the cold ones.
**** the slander.
**** the insults.
**** the pain.
**** the demons in my mind.
****!

And they asked me
"Are you down to ****? Or  do you prefer friends with benefits?
Either way there would never be any emotions involved", they say
I said "no, I don’t want any of those things"
Their faces started to change
My guards are high up and they suddenly wanted the chase

But "seriously no", I reiterated
"I don’t want my body to be used in any of your fantasies
It’s not that I haven’t tried any of those things you are imagining right now
I have been there, I have done that
Far too many times than the acceptable number
But I am not ashamed, I am not proud either"

Some of them turned their backs on me due to their dismay
“You shouldn’t really be here” they say
But I am just looking for someone to talk to
This is something that they really cannot accept

I know that my credentials fill your heads with imagination
My photos burn your souls alive
And my words linger in your minds
I have you all trapped under my finger tips
You all want me, but I don’t want you
I am sorry, but not in that way

Because I have been there, I have done that
Far too many times than the acceptable number
But I am not ashamed, I am not proud either
Because I know my worth
And none of you deserves my