Sometimes I think about
the structure of atoms
and how difficult it can be
to tell the difference between me
and the cantaloupe I just ate
and where I end
and the sunlight begins.
And I wonder
if maybe when you kiss me
you leave behind pieces of yourself
on my tongue
and that’s why I remember
exactly how you taste
no matter how long it’s been.

Sometimes I think about
quantum entanglement
and how two different particles
can be inextricably and inexplicably
tied to each other
no matter their physical distance.
And I wonder
if maybe a tiny piece of your left iris
is entangled with an atom
in the muscle of my cheek
and that’s why
I can’t help but smile
when you look at me.

Sometimes I think about
our understanding of DNA
and how so much of it we call “junk”
because we don’t know what it does.
And I wonder
if maybe years from now
they’ll be able to read my base pairs
like a novel
and some scientist
will be able to look at them and say
“This,
just here,
this is how we know
the subject fell in love.”

If I ever talk
To anyone,
I always weigh the facts
Is it worth it?
For they will always leave
Is this conversation
Worth it?

I almost always walk away
But with you
I had no choice
It was a sneak attack

Before I knew what was happening,
We were talking

Then,
We were friends

Now,
I don't know what is happening
It started with a sneak attack
And ended with a sneak away

So was it worth it?
I don't know
Let's see the ending
And find out

When the words
do not come.
And you stare empty,
onto the pages that
tell tales far more colorful
than any songbird singing
its perfect tune.

Then speak out loud.
Words flow with such
fluidity and solidarity.
Pouring out of me with such
beauty that my fingers with
pen clenched could never muster.

Beautiful lyrics and words
and rhythms escape the confines
of this screen or the paper prisons
poets use to capture them.
The best works the truly inspiring
and jaw dropping, tear jerking
sentences and phrases will never
be seen to the world, when spoken
out loud.

For starters, I love you.
And every time I look at you
I ask myself how I got so lucky
I know I’m not perfect
I know I’m not much
And every time we speak I speak my thoughts backwards
My tongue ties,
Twisting, turning, tangling itself into a knot,
I can no longer speak.
I feel the need to explain myself
I answer the questions I convince myself you’re sure to be asking,
But are too nice to plainly ask
Like, “What’s wrong with you?”
I’m hyper focused on every flaw,
I put myself under a microscope.
Even now
I’m wondering if my tone of voice is acceptable
Maybe I should try speaking with more passion
Or less?
I’m hyper focused on my hair, is it okay?
My clothes, are they okay?
My personality, is it enough to keep you near when the days pass and my looks fade?
Or when I’m in the worst condition, will you stay?
Because truth be told I love you
And you speak you love me too,
But I can’t see how anyone could love me when I don’t love myself
How anyone could find perfection in such an imperfect being
Find beauty in someone like me
I question my self-worth.
But you already knew that,
And that’s one of the problems,
I don’t think I could ever leave someone who knows me so well
But maybe one day you’ll wake up and realize who I really am
That’s why I was so hesitant to get close to you
Because your re-assurance seems all to genuine
And I’m not ready to let go of my insecurities, don’t you see?
My sadness, it’s a part of me
It defines me
It defies me
It holds me back
But when all I’ve known is darkness and hurt
And you come in with the idea that it’ll get better
I never even imagined that concept.
And to be honest, It’s hard to believe someone like you can even dream of someone like me
And I’m sorry that I’m only me,
You deserve more
But all I have is my love
I hope it’s enough.

I'm not dead
                                                                                                   But I'm not alive
I'm not living
                                                                                    I'm just trying to survive
We're all playing the same game
                                                                                              Just different levels
We're all in the same hell
                                                                                            Just different devils