In and out the forest//
To confess I need to reflect//
Storage in my dome//
Recollecting for a poem//
Have to think out what's important//
Broken like a door hinge/
Hanging from the cliff ends//
Envisioned in memory lane//
Before I focused on the present, living in vain//
Never knowing if myself I'll forgive//
From seeing beyond this suspenseful grid//
To experience and reflect is what I did//
Lying to the mirror, so what if you're a little weirder//
Beyond self-identification, but people are people and judge the surface//
My soul was stolen from a belief that didn't help me see beyond accepting eternity without fear and uncertainty//
Accepted death, in my "eternal" sleep I'll be awake in contemplate//
Experiencing the essence in the present just makes sense//
(walking around Walmart, typing and typing)
Hoping gave me grief//
When I reached within and confronted "myself" is when I was finally at ease//
It's a movie and I'll lead//
I wish, that you could see, through these letters put together, so that we can just "be"//

there's a science behind you//
a science you don't think about everyday//
genetics//
**** your mother, or **** your father//
or bless them//
judgement doesn't exist, so why does it matter//
words don't mean much, give what you want some meaning//
you're all that, you're not all that//
you're nobody, and that's beautiful//

what is it with men and women//
i can't seem to wrap my head around concepts meant for a specific gender//
(the wine is fine and a 5 turns into a dime)
keep my head straight//
typing in my room, it's like 8//
down it and contemplate//
tonight my fingers are dancing//
can't regret anymore//
can't think less of myself, because it's an expense I'll resent//
there's no one to impress//
no girls to undress//
no worries to prevent, because in the moment I'm prepared//
for everything that depressed me//

Everything takes little time//

Even the bad things//

It's how you approach a situation that gives the moment light//

I'm laying down thinking of ideas to make some kind of money with what I do//

But it's the same as me asking you to pay me for pooping//

This just happen//

Words come together and this connection between me and you....(happens)//

Just like that.... I wonder if you're okay//

Or if anything is..... because sometimes the world turns upside down and we can only live through the change//

It's Friday, 1:30 AM.... (my love is asleep)//

I wonder if she's snoring//

Part of me wants to continue making this thing people call art.... part of me is still trying to untangle the ropes holding me back from being (more)//

At least I know, I'm never less... at lest I think so//

to come...

looked into your eyes//
and saw the lie that disguised your lows with the highs//
tried to work it out, but just didn't feel it like soggy fries//

(the boy that tries, buys his way out the prize)

none of my beliefs give rise to an unknown man in your sky//

there's more out there that defies all that we cease to know according to the wise that asked "why?" when his hope had dried//

(between her thighs I gormandize)

indulge until my tongue needs to be sanitized//
no ***** talk, I don't mean to patronize//

looks into hand
(how do I begin to identify?)

you have the people that appreciate too late
sometimes
(like me)
you have the ones that appreciate because of what they don't have
you have the ones that don't know what to do
you have the ones that wander inside their useful thoughts they don't know how to apply (but for what)

(i stole my soul back from the evil that once generated my actions)
i want my moments back

reflections to persevere

i want my mom to trust me again
but i can't seem to find bothersome in letting go of what I say
truth seems so close to me, but far from others
(because experiences are different)

i wonder if that girl I met knows her boyfriend begged me to tell her about him even though his mind is garbage

but i'm egoic for saying that, but it's the youthful truth that seduces my existence to fail universally

eating chicken, drinking water

please don't bother         (i need to make more sense)

My heart can be broken
Sew it up like if it was woven
Please?
Another girl for the ***** work
Another one I'm losing faith in
Another one to forget
Another one to hope for the best
Another lesson to learn to accept
I feel as if we we're not going to last
It all ends in a laugh

away, last night
in the deep blue of serendipity
trying to find
divine light beyond my fright in spite of the terrors in my mind
pursuing my way out the blue
questioning my faith because I never had a clue
swept my shoes away and through the hues of modern sadness
depicting expression with color
red and blue, we only have each other
looking in the mirror
(find my way out of my eyes)
outside with nothing to view
in the zoo with no one but you, wild when it's only us two
find you on my lap when I'm sitting obtuse
gassed up like if I was a Jew

it's too early and too late

the blood dries, you have more

the story continues with every breath

walk along the depths of your mind to discover that losing someone other than yourself is probably best

(sorry to the girls I've made feel miserable)

(hate me for now, not forever)

the tears stop at your cheeks, not at your death

there's tissues right at your fingertips

with so much pain to condense//
burning your heart like incense//
waiting for love to make sense//
but you're stuck between (your thoughts that don't prevail)//
my hell is your hell//
and we die because we will not dwell

compiled thoughts of past events

only to remember the lessons I should reflect from

(some worthy memories I dismiss on purpose)
(the trigger isn't worth being pulled)

silent dreams

trying to be lived while doing physics homework

constantly questioning whether or not I should do it

trying to build something from work ethic

but (slowly eating me away with each assignment)

i'll do it though



so I can try and fit in to let loose (within)

he stumbled into a hurricane of thoughts

twisting his brain, making him fly away from what

(really)
                        (is)

away from truth

seduced by that dude

that I can't face

**breaks the mirror

As long as I know the day passes
wipes fog from glasses
(alone like the bone my dog used to own)

          In debt with my feelings like I haven't paid my taxes

(everything I owe doesn't need money to pay it back)

(express express express)

I told myself when I was depressed
When my effort was a little less
No quest to live for before I erode into the depths
barely breathing

I've never been blessed

it's for me

for you to read

must reflect from my words

because I desire to leave all of what I have.... to this dying world

hearing Vietnamese women gossip

old men trying to become what they wished they would've done earlier

fat men on the treadmill walking really slow, there's no difference

the old don't actualize the truth
(face yourself)
but don't turn you back to the mirror

there should be spoken poetry instead of radio music playing behind every set to encourage rhythm


(correlations)

I've created a relationship between my muscles and my desires

tell me if loving you isn't a crime



so I can stop comparing it to the beaten faces I dream about

the craving of ending someone's life


before someone really loses their right to live

so we can love beyond what we live for

imagination is water that breaks a plastic container


(dream about the impossible)

prairies with kisses as flowers

immersed with beauty and intelligence I can't attend

(walking down my mind with a knife)

inflicted my pain with nothing to gain but rope marks that expressed my veins all sides of my neck


(nothing to think in my gym this morning)

in my mind is a clock that ticks beyond the conception of time

(letting go of possessions) to regain my worth that was once worth about
   one



dime..

"watch your ego"

so I looked further within
only to find what everything has ever been
   (sub atomically)

reading a screen to avoid a scene in this reality I don't want to see

when I question myself I think of my hand digging down my throat until I feel my spleen

(wicked me)

but should I not voice internal imagery?

time is eroding my current self

(melting face)

laces I cannot lace
the shoe doesn't fit so this experience I can't embrace
accepting universal truths I can't even begin to trace in space

(out of here)
I miss you my dear

drunk and high so drag me by the ear... until it rips from my head so I know you didn't let go

(please don't let me go)

even if my body is cut in pieces

keep me in a box

(but I wasn't drunk and high)

naked on the edge of my bed

away from what makes me feel on the (edge)

but it's what helps me sleep
              (in the deep)

"I guess"
Brush the pain off with some sense
Drawing in blue...
Help myself look at what triggers my ego in past-tense

The air is dense, can barely walk through the present

             (let loose)
grabs ****

Nothing to do but to ******* to the image of you
Self-defeating, barely eating when you leave me with an empty seat

The emotions are dense

**** myself

                   for my expense
Can't make much from just existing

Walking down the street that deceits, finding less than what I'm worth
1 cent

To your god I don't repent, my mind I live to represent

Sad only for today

out here, within
catch a glimpse
(my tongue on your skin)
thinking of me or thinking of him?
as long as you're pleased, don't matter what you


          (think)

a boat in the empty sea

lonely and free

too many beliefs, but nothing to preach

creating what I seek

focusing on me, and they see me as bleak

but do understand, I have to be carefree

(sensitivity kills me)

in the dark

how do you want me to run for the light when it's within?

(help me find the noose)
(internal dialogue I will not express)

**** my ego, tactics from the monks

help me understand where my thoughts generate

from where? (can I gps myself there?)

hanging on to my life, gripping a string of hair

but I might just use my weight to rip it

300 mg's
(get me started with initiation)

the fire is burning within, I feel you

a little busy
homework and work
little time for the words

how can I make time when it just happens

old people coming and going in the gym I work at

(I've seen too many naked old men to not dream of them)
I don't fantasize though

i love you sabrina, sleep tight

along the shore line

divided love
lost trust

(it wasn't worth thinking at all)

for I have sinned upon myself, not god

wondering, the abstractions I face
everyday, without turning my face

stunt double

take my place, be here now

before I shoot my face

in the morning

where it all seems to begin

24 hours to experience, then we restart
keep going
(for some reason I feel off today)

(i'm taking acid later on)
(it's refreshing working from 5am to 10am)

seize the day with your penor

chase your mind, not the external pleasures the world tries to drown you with

enjoy the sound of your ***** banging against her *****

enjoy the sounds the birds make

even if where you live, is as loud as my ****

wake up, alone

nothing to lose like everything ever owned before truth

(when you first loved, it turned me into stone)

                           (be carelessly in love)
let your "self" fall into the pits of the unknown

(can't title what I feel, but what's worth trying to understand the limitless)

little hell
without you, i tremble
trying to piece myself back together like a castle with it's own mind
except i'm not worth much

and i've accepted my nothingness in this world

it's the little things that are a big deal, in this world

status
money
drugs

make up this certain perception that makes me want to off myself

am i triggered?
or do i respond?

i...



    dunno

you can take all, but not my will to experience my will to live

it's 6:08 am
the gym is a little empty today
old faces
young faces
mostly old
the women with no husbands are a little odd
they know the pain they went through
but did they handle it?
could their hearts be wandering while their body is still here? trying to fit in, in this gym of moving people?

it's usually loud in here, the radio isn't working today
gratefully
but i think people appreciate listening to their efforts, subconsciously

one can hope, one can dream, but we all can
but are we living these concepts?
i can't say i'm lost in thoughts, because i know how far i'll go down this road of questions and "answers"
1 question creates a thousand and one more

too many use of drugs i just want to see you girl
every second i gasp for your energy
breathing through my misery to catch some of your insight
melting with the thought of us together
how can i disconnect from what i truly need?
no kind of practice can enlighten the animal within
in the void i just capture myself in states of awe, my ego swells
amazement in my self, i need to stop that man
can't handle too much of me, i guess that's why there's a trinity
don't need that kind of comfort i'm one with fear and awkwardness
one with the insecurities that used to penetrate in my day to day
one with the negativity that used to hold me back
but i had to learn to push myself beyond my "self"
every single kiss i see through my mirror girl
every single glance my mind stop and spins around a pole that last's forever in rotation
trying to find the end but you left me with nothing but beginnings girl
a new approach i see myself going after the gun blow
everytime i see you, we're in the midst of blow
but why cry? i love you

we were in the city,
serving our prayers to the nobody that exists, loving with every centimeter of our bodies
embodying the reality that this love, is true
for I grow day by day, my love for you bypasses morals

haven't been inspired to write

to love is to die everyday, just a little

melt between her fingers

in her desire to see you beyond this moment

certainty in her eyes

i will hold you until my hands fall off

How do I love?
In the moment is where I cry
Sensitive to you
Sensitive to the idea of forever, but I have to let myself tingle
Beyond eachother, stop signs don't bother
We're going without a green light
Gliding through the wind we trust
Satan in the mirror
God behind my back
I kiss the mirror and turn around
Smile baby boy, I just kissed and faced ideas made by humans like you
The evil and good generates from them
So how do I love?
Do I just trust a human with a ***** because I see a future?
But when I see the future, I forget I can die right now
The risk is everything
Loving you

Is everything