I’m sick
And I’m tired
I’m eating my words
As they dance on my tongue
Making me squirm as they turn
Oh I’m biting
I’m chewing
Simply swallowing my pride
For I can’t say how I feel
No matter how hard I’ve tried
For they pin me
They ***** me
Puncturing my mind
As I sit here and silence
Muted like a mime
I can’t say it
I fear it
The version that you’ll see
If I emit all of these feelings
My caged memories
For they haunt me
They taunt me
Like a stained porcelain tub
You can’t rid it of residue
No matter how hard you scrub
That’s my mind
They’re my eyes
Tinted a light shade of blue
As eroded as these beaches
I’m drowning from you
Your fingers
They’ve grabbed me
Now bruising my soul
How can one escape from your grasp-
I just long to feel whole
For it was physical
Now emotional
Unsure which one is worse
See these flashbacks you’ve gifted me
Were your most vicious curse


                               Alysia Marie 2018 ©

I feel her eyes upon me
Digging into my soul
I can't run from this pain
Simply losing control
For she's force-fed
These demons
There's a loss in my hair
From the stress that's upon me
As if she's always been there
But that's not true
No it can't be
I'm losing my mind
For she's claimed you
Publicly
I'm wishing I was blind
So I can't see
These tricks on me
She's messing with my head
Manipulative
Like a puppet
Maneuvering my limbs with a thread
And I hate it
I shun it
Lock it up tight in a box
But it calls me
It haunts me
Am I not enough?
For you've told me
You've shown me
How I was your world
But can that be the truth now?
Was there always another girl?

                                  
                       ­          Alysia Marie 2018 ©

If they asked me
where is  my home
I said at your
collarbone
protecting
your heart

is it weird that I can
see the ghost of you
in this empty apartment?

is it weird that I keep playing
your voicemail before I go to sleep at night?

(I can't help it, your voice comforts me)

is it weird that i can still
taste the cherry cola on your lips
as we shared our final kiss?

is it weird that you've moved on
yet I'm still lying in bed wondering
if you're awake thinking of me too?

Dostoevsky dreams
And Pushkin lines
And rhymes...
Like Bolshevik bullets
Tear into me
Seething
Hot sleep!

Dead Tsars and Anastasia
Mean nothing to me
But I miss them
Sometimes...

Aristocratic nonsense
But tiaras are pretty
With diamonds shining
In a Russian night

As kulaks die
The diamonds glitter
A worthy reminder
Of a beautiful time

When debutantes danced
And the little Tsarina

Could dream in peace

Whatever you ask,
I can’t help but say yes.
You wouldn’t understand if I told you.
You wouldn’t feel the same way I do.
So I cover it up,
hoping you won’t notice.
For once
Let me say,
“No.”

One day, he found a rose,
Of deepest velvet red,
He brought it home and nurtured it,
He laid it on his bed,

And every day he'd stroke,
And rub those petals so,
He'd smell the sweetest scent from it,
And hoped that it would grow,

But too transfixed in love,
And admiration matter,
He failed to give it what it craved,
Some sunlight and some water,


So, wilted it became,
And started to decay,
It lost its rosy velvet reds,
The edges turning grey,

His eye was off the ball,
Distracted he became,
He killed the thing that he loved most,
Trying to make it tame.........