The future is here,
Nestled at my breast,
Untouched by anything but
Undiluted love.

The past ceases to matter
from now is all that counts.
No prejudice or grudges.
A life seen through eyes only.

The only influences that have caressed you,
determination and perseverance
You are proof of that

Staying ***** as if by magic, so unobserved
but so powerful.
Important but taken for granted.

Without, we are stuck
two leaves blowing in different currents.

No way to merge at the middle of the rapid churning waters below.
No way to hold or touch or kiss or lash out.


No other place so haunting that you would grab my fingers and we would both leap, screaming.
"We tried our best
I think....."

Snow capped, secrets in the drifts,
Low light somehow made you stand out, blazing.
Cold chills meant to nestle harder.
You are the teacher, but we are not students.
Some needed to get away, others tortured by your depths.
A gentle bump can slay the unworthy,
No throne can match your majesty.
If we are good then you are good
You were here first.
We can never say we 'stood tall' again

In the Dark

I have loved and mourned in the dark,
secrets kept to my self.

As the dawn light
spreads across the room.

I shake off the notions that
they ever really happened.

Knowing when I sleep I will re live them,
I do not hate the thought

Door locked, key slide through the mailbox,
Memories left to scatter in the wind of change,
Mail cancelled, potted plants discarded,
Plans left in favor of someplace better or new.

Photos glanced at and appreciated.
Relics of old at this stage,
Shirts sniffed, folded and placed in the drawer,
Leaving familiar for something better or new.

Beds made for later, letter propped on the table,
against the empty milk jug.
Floor swept, dirt pushed under the rug.
Obligations dismissed for a challenge better or new.


First step taken on the winding staircase.
I thought it would be busier, I guess comfort zones
are final resting places for the content or down beaten
I was once like that but now I hope to be better or new.

Shoulders sag,
Weary but determined,
The reflection is my only constant,
It is more than enough.

The resolve behind my mask and shield
this is as strong as I will ever be.
That keeps me going.
It has too.

Burning maps and guidelines,
Instructions failed me at the start.
The swiftness of my feet,
Have served me well, thus far.

No time for external love,
The past is the past,
When one door closes,
I created the wind at my back.

Hope ceases to amaze me,
need for approval non existent,
Inner doubt is my ying.
Self trust my yang.

If I could mail you the ocean,
or kiss you the sea,
to swiftly dismiss the notion
that you would be happy sans me.

If I could cage you a rain forest,
or spit you the trees,
would it calm all your nerves
for there is shelter among leaves.

If I could punch you a breeze,
or bottle you a tornado,
would it blow away your shame,
they do not know what you know.

What if I tamed you a wildfire,
Or danced with an inferno,
would it thaw your cold shoulder,
to resist the warmth that I showed you.

If I could halt you an avalanche,
or pause you a blizzard,
would it rebound you back up again,
or just bury you more deep and hard.

If I could flood you a desert,
or soak you in sand,
would you want to swim with me forever,
no need for food, water or land.

How can I love you,
Say so little,
But mean so much,

How can a punch and kick,
mean I love you,
but it does and it did.

How can music move you in a good way,
then tear your soul apart,
but it will and it does.

How can a child be unruly,
They are what you made them,
But they're individual,
They are you.

Racked up some debt on the plastic,
ate all the things I know I shouldn't,
Kissed the stranger and texted first.
Took the time to smell the flowers.
No fear of hay fever or a restless week of sleep.

Let the kids eat whatever
The neighbors screamed uninterrupted til their hearts were content
Painted the mural I always needed to paint.
Quit the job that was destroying my will.
Rang my Ex and told the truth. For once.

Held my lover and meant it,
Inhaled them deeply as if their scent would see me on my way.
Thanked them from the bottom of weakening heart.
Smiled until it reached my eyes.
Danced under the tree unafraid of the threat of lightening.

Pierced my ****** and dyed my hair.
Sang a song and released it,
Wrote down my warnings for the future poets.
Finally got the ****** joke my dad told me years ago.
I had one last laugh

The ability to bounce back after being ruptured,
to look left to right and have loved ones by your side.

You cannot vanquish demons with tears,
You cannot pay for a ticket outta here with tears.
You cannot rewind the clock and re-live with tears.
You cannot feed the flame internal, with tears.

The courage to do what is right regardless of annihilation.
To realize everyone is fighting for crumbs while the top dog eats the loaf.

You can say good bye with tears,
You can be silent but scream a million words with tears.
You can reinforce joyous moments with tears.
You can wash away the regrets from your face with tears.

To know the right time to shine and hold back to let others bloom
So how will we all face the world today? With a smile or with tears.

You get in life
What you settle for in life,
Often the fire inside, fades or dims.
Waiting for it to reignite
lets the dark in.

When you realize this could be
the strongest you will ever amount too,
but you get out of bed regardless,
putting one sock on at a time
like the rest of the world.

Like a Ferrari gifted to a blind man,
false hope to a death row inmate.

She festered freshly. Red lips in a grey world
Too good for this world
but not pure enough for heaven

I would have it every other way,
the love has gone, flown off
our marital bed is just another
grave to be robbed.

The last time I tried you shouted
"Look at me, what part of me screams roses."
You have worn me down over the years
So I responded, "I may be an empty shell but I still have feelings."

Bitterness flows hot through my veins,
substituting the burning desire and passion
My heart once beat for you.
Only you.

When did it all change I moan
from the wrong side of the closed door.
"Between the blinks" you quipped.
And then I knew.

Live happened,
From moments of bliss to thoughts of
your actions don't scream rainbows and unicorn tears.

Love happened,
from hopeful futures to dreams of
what can I do to get by double bed back.

Tears happened,
from overwhelming sadness to notions of
even the nano second between the blinks is too much time missed.

Trauma happened,
from seizures of crippling doubt to musings of
how much time can I waste before I am not bored.

Strength happened,
from not leaving the bed for fear of trying to waves of
lil' old me did big all that.

*** happened,
from intertwining explosions of life to pleads of
just take me away from my self for five minutes.

Truth happened,
from realizations that we never actually had a clue to knowing
that a word can shatter everything quicker than a bullet.

Lowest of the low,
Not much point now,
Have no further left to fall.

Clench to my comfort
All to play for now,
Rock bottom is the best foundation.

I doubt that I am home here,
my feet do not touch the ground,
you expect me to build a life,
but I struggle to pay my rent.

The world always seems to want,
to bet against the hero,
I am constantly trying to be the man,
but my feet do not touch the floor,

You can see the semi-wannabe's
floating through the situations,
I want to be like "I was here first"
but I won't.

I want to scream from the roof tops,
but I live underground, the comet doth cometh,
I shout "Come on *******,
"Sell me something I can believe in"

****
Words just flew from my mouth
Wish I could **** them back.

I know that you know that I know,
Crimson floods my cheeks.
What is this gonna cost me?

Hands on your hips
"Oh really" on your face.
This is hurting us both.

Creator of the time machine
Will save the world.
But I have to deal with this now.

You seem so legit for a guy your age,
if not a little tired and worn looking.
I glance at your blistered hands
and sympathize.

You too, while climbing the ladder of life,
slipped on every ******* rung.

Wise and controlled, laser focused even,
if not a little non nonchalant.
I glance at your weary eyes
and nod.

Nothing that real can be ugly,
excluding myself.

Rustic and rugged is words likely used,
if they got over your glass jaw that is.
I glance at your never still lips
and sigh.

No others will see what it looks like
when clouds kiss.

Scars shone bright,
Still expected to set the table and serve.
Good enough to weep and use,
But not compatible enough to claim as yours.

You expect to benefit from my years of struggle.
With the same mouth that you used to kiss and explore me.
You cut me down with such force I cannot muster enough energy
For Vengeance.

Blessed are the ones who fit the mold
Conditionally loved is no love at all.
Held by the arms that were raised to me.
A kicked dog and its traitorous tail.

Inept, bereft and lonely.
Go to words for my bio.
Reborn now, new skin still raw.
Took as long as it took I guess, regrets take up time too.

When a wind touches me now, I feel a part of me blowing away.
Like ashes in the breeze. Unsure if it's the old me or new.
Figured I would find my people, they act similiar
But have the same traits none the less.

Everyone has a napkin to help dry my eyes.
Some crisp and ironed, most are already used.
Found a new one to add to the list of words I hate,
Soon. It takes its rightful place beside ****** and No.

Comfort blanket no longer bullet proof,
The fairy dust ran out long ago.
Big boy shoes are all scuffed.
I use them for dancing now not running.

You are frosty,
Think yourself unlovable,
The walls you built have kept
Light and warmth out.
Most would be wary to scale them,
Not me, I see through the ice,
I may slip and fall
But warm hands melt cold hearts

You swept
Scattered sticks and stones,
Applied salve to scars,
Blew my bubble,
Wove my safety blanket
Ignited passion and desire
I couldn't live without you or us
You wont ever know.

Beauty comes in many shapes and sizes,
from wall street sharks to grumpy misers.

Models that grace runways and billboards,
when they speak could hypnotize hoards.

Actors that could dazzle and make you swoon,
Energy changes when they light up the room.

But does it matter when you are cold at night,
you could have it all but are you polite.

Does it match up when your baby grabs your fingers,
when over dinner a future lovers stare lingers.

When you turn and see they walk down the aisle,
together on the journey through every dark mile.

When their crinkled smile is shot at you,
did it matter who wore it best in two thousand and two.

Now the night is coming and your world has lost some light,
Ask yourself did you love, be loved, and were you polite