i sit here
dysphoria within me
plaguing me like a sickness
i wish everything they said was true
but people are people
and people lie
there's nothing i can do
about the lies people make
the lies that tell me anything is possible
should be replaced with
the truth that life is life
and that you don't get what you want
the lies that tell me to dream
should be replaced with
the truth that dreaming gets you nowhere
and dreaming can hurt
and the lies that tell me to pursue my hurtful dreams
should certainly be replaced with
the truth
that being anything i want from a figment of imagination
is not possible
and that the world lies.

what's funny is that
they tell you
you can do anything in life
but when you tell them
what you want to do
they laugh at you and say
you don't have the tiniest chance
people themselves are hypocrites
it seems that if
you think you can do anything
you're a fool
and don't deserve
to ever think anything of the sort

balloons slip
hand out of hand
childhood slips
away from you

everyone and everything
around me is whirling
i can't look a certain way
without my vision swirling
i need to go lay down
but i can't and i won't
i need to stay strong
i need to stay afloat

you
are the black plague
and i
have caught
your disease

but this black plague
is lovely and wonderful
because this black plague
is attraction
towards you.

“It was fun while it lasted” they said

“It was painful when it ended” was my reply.

Being suicidal doesn't mean i'm going to **** myself

Being suicidal is having this unexplicable ache while you're living

It's waiting for your life to end, and wishing you didn't have to carry on

Having this ache, an incapability to feel happy living, doesn't mean that I am going to **** myself -

It just means I wouldn't mind dying.