we see the smoke
and hear the drums -

it gets old - the news
of war - no more glory

-  the dead are dying
old and young

- we see the smoke
and hear the drums -

living in our rooms
above the fray -

we turn away
like yesterday -

we see the smoke
and hear the drums -

another day.

r ~ 10/17/14

~

i found a broken drawer
by the side of the road;
discarded in haste
was it left by you?
did the drawer have a brother?
or perhaps a sister too?
what did it fit inside,
what was it meant to hold?
a little boy’s toys
or a girl’s shiny shoes,
a box full of crayons
or an artists tools,
a father’s colorful ties
or a mother’s sachet,
did it hold the silken threads
of her childhood ballet?
did it hold a sister’s hopes
or a brother’s pride,
a woman's negligee
for a very special night?
did it even hold a key,
and was it to her lover’s heart;
or maybe like the broken drawer
those too were shattered dreams?

maybe we are all
just discarded drawers!
the trinkets we hold,
things we need to let go;
the words we can’t forget,
the whispers that grow old.
we paint by numbers,
we color with words,
a canvas full of thoughts,
tumbles out from our heads;
words we’d like to recall,
lines we’d like to forget,
the words never said,
ones we later regret;
perhaps at the time
to us did not occur,
one day we’d hope to be forgiven
for offending with our words!

don’t let me feel useless
without the rest of the frame;
don’t cast me aside
or leave me in the rain.
take this broken old drawer
some nails and some glue,
help me find the answers;
i know i fit when i’m with you.
slide me in a work bench,
i can hold the tools;
slip me in a bureau,
i will not feel used.
place me in a vanity,
or kitchen cabinet,
in a chest so full of hope,
dreams not come true... just yet.
just don’t leave me here
where I've been thrown,
where i’ll grow cold and die.
i’m not designed to be alone,
left here on the side;
what good can come within my frame
if i’m not made a part,
for a drawer without a purpose
is a man without a heart.

i found a broken drawer
by the side of the road;
discarded in haste
was it left by you?

~

*postscript.

truly...
i found a broken drawer
by the side of the road;
discarded in haste
was it left by you?

my wife breathes life into old wood furniture.  with each bureau, hope chest or buffet brought into her workshop i wonder what it held... because everything and everyone has a story to tell. what would these old pieces tell us if they could speak?  and what do they tell us about ourselves?

You Kidding (resubmitting for your consideration; posted here one year ago, today)

For Ian

Lived a long time coming,
Picked up yesterday my three year old grandchild boy,
Third of a third of a third of a third
Of a half of me,
Who I only see once a year,
And we fell in love once again,
all over as is our style,
Annually, annuellement.

We belly kiss,
Fist bump,
High five, talk jive,
Tell each other grand stories
Of dragons in pizza parlors.

Each of us,
Trying the other out,
To ascertain just what
Stuff we are made off.

I love to put him to sleep,
My fingers, rhyme writing like Pradip,
To the turning tires of mom's Toyota van,
When the tired is a steady stream
Of word mumbles of which I understand
A word here and there, but an epic poem
He recites, a verbal dream, a slippage
To that place where three year old bones
And crying go when they pass the point of
Exhaustion,
Rub his cheek with circles of forefinger,
Stroke his head with full palm of my hand,
Close his eyelashes with gentle fingertip kisses,
Take the toys from his fists without any resistance,
Sure signal time for both of us to nap.

His surprises endless,
His cunning now legend,
Alternating disguises tween
I a big boy,
I a baby,
As the situation arises that will
Get him what he wants,
A masterful manipulator.

Which is funny cause I still do that too.

But when he stops me in my tracks,
It is when somehow the brain that has
Just crossed the thousand day alive marker
Says the profound, the uncanny, the
Philosophy of the world weary that is something
That I think just about every thirty seconds.

It is when after some particularly wild reverie
I compose, of seals that swim from his Frisco bay
Around the world to his Nana's, on Long Island,
Pacific to Atlantic, and after ten minutes of
Escapading with Batman and his mates,
He looks me and takes me down with this
Almost clear, spoken, sabered-wisdom,
In the juvenile voice of
soft sleepy, of a babe of three

you kidding

Half statement of fact, half a soulful-questioning,
How does this three year old comprehend
The essential difference between dreams
And reality, that is separated, wheat, chaff,
Milk curd, cheese, the spider silk line that differentiates
All of life essentially.

Yes kid, I am kidding,
I tell that to myself every thirty seconds,
To keep me sane, straight, true,
But I whisper it to myself grownup style,

Who ya kidding?

So it appears that when they say
Out of the mouths of babes
They were talking about adults
Who are hoping they can still be three,
When serious and silly are just the
Same-thing.

You kidding(?/!)

Yes I am.
Just a kid,
Kidding you, kidding himself,
Pushing his very own stroller,
Writing crazy stories he calls
Poems, lovely little things,
As soft as your skin, stories of him,
That always end,
With belly kisses and a
you kidding.**
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Columbus Day
Oct. 14th 1492/2013
When I "discovered" the Americas.
You kidding?
Maybe.

I'm tired of living
In a *** filled haze
Bottles of *****
to count the days
Nowhere to run to
Nowhere to hide
Here I am cornered
Unable to lie
I cant say I don't want it
Because you know I do
Ill take another draw
Off this cigarette, then you.

...And I've seen what it's like to have good days,
really ******* good days.
Days when things go horribly wrong and surprisingly right but you see how much your mother has sacrificed for you
and how the sky looks so ordinary but it will probably never look the exact same way as it does right now
and  the sun shines on your best friend in a way that makes you feel happy to be alive.
I am happy to be alive.
I don't know what that means in terms of progress,
But I know it's October again,
and this Thanksgiving I am able to say the words that I couldn't say last year:
**I am happy to be alive.

Haunted at the mist.
Shadows swallow me whole.

Visions of the past.
Shadows beckon my call.

Summons of the evil.
Pierces at the heart.

Casting out the spells.
Pierces every part.