To want someone who’s never been there,
yearn for their hug in our hour of despair,
to hear their words as a soothing balm,
soft, warm cuddles that keep you calm,

to talk and laugh without a care,
whispers and giggles, secrets to share,
Snuggles in bed on a cold winters night,
drift into sleep in a spoon of delight,

To share a smile in a momentary glance,
hold hands and touch at every chance.
But I sit and write alone in this chair,
thinking of someone who’s never been there.

What of life and all that’s been,
Mine was stolen on a field of green,
For king and country, god and mum,
laid down in the shadows, never saw the sun.
100 years is mine to tell,
no comforting arms for those that fell,
I ask no pity, tears or plea,
Just once on a morn, remember me.

I noticed how short your nails were
and that you tried to brush out the cow licks in your hair
and I noticed how you grind your teeth when you dream
and how you would jump at the slightest sound
and I noticed that your favorite colors were blue and black and green.

but you only noticed how pink my lips were
and you only noticed how soft my knees were
and you only noticed how I would give you anything if you didn't ask
and you only noticed what you wanted to know and not what you wanted to wonder

but i wonder if you felt the scars on my thighs as you slid your hand passed them
and i wonder if you heard the nervous chuckles when i came up for air
and i wonder if you remember that my eyes are blue and green and my heart is black and i wanted to be your favorite because parts of me are broken and i wanted you to wonder why.

I fall so deep into the darkness I can't find my way out
I look for the light but it is no where to be found, it has escaped from me again.
Why does it hide from me? Why does it run?
I cry, I pray, I do everything I can just hoping for the light to enter back into my life.
Where is it?
I listen to what I am supposed to do and I do it yet it still evades me. Why?
Then one day I think I see it. Peeking over the horizon. Can it be true?
It is! It is! It's the light! Slowly it enters back into my life lighting up everything the way it's supposed to be.
I am happy the way I'm supposed to be
The darkness is gone for now but it will return one day
Until that day I will bask in the light and enjoy it
I am happy

You can busy yourself about the day
Keep the wretched words away
Write, so they are not so strong
Read, so you do nothing wrong.

They will catch up on you, however
With you and your heart forever,
These tiny little gnawing thoughts
With their presence you are lost.

Among the headaches and the pain
In this place nothing to gain

Shut your eyelids tight
When the stars are high
And the moon is bright

But try and wish what you may
You cannot keep the thoughts away
On your little devoured soul
You wish, you wish you could be whole.

The one yellow dress
you have is in the floor
of your red room
with your CD's
By the door

Chester in the corner
Missing heart in the other
Missing you in my
Missing heart
Why even bother

Books on the shelf
In alphabetical order
Cross the line
It's the border

Handmade blanket
handmade pillow
Listen to
Wheeping willow

Love with the lights off
Love the night on
Lust when no one is looking
Strawberry cake cooking

I have to leave
One last time
I have to go
It's half past nine

Eyes

within eyes

within eyes

within eyes

within eyes

within eyes

within eyes

that do not see.

She made me dance on broken glass
waiting for the coup de grâce
she ran away and kissed a toad,
whilst I got stuck on a yellow brick road
the lion and the tin man started to cry
the scarecrow supped on a bottle of rye
click my heels and reach for the moon
watch her choke on a silver spoon.

I can’t sleep,
I can’t drink,
got to see a man tonight,
shivers and shakes,
imaginary snakes,
walls closing in,
heads in a spin,
body in pain,
always the same,  
I've got a need,
a powerful need.

To drift in the wind on the edge of a dream,
chasing our thoughts on the back of a moonbeam,
candyfloss mornings and effervescent nights,
cascading  rainbows in a box of delights,

pretty girl smiles and puppy dog tails,
candy stripe slugs and polka dot snails,
ride the light on a sunlit wave,
into the void of the crystal cave.