What
Is
The
Truth,
But
A
Better lie painted white.

Truest of Love
gets willingly
on it's knees.

What was free now carries a cost
and I have no money to pay,
that account dried up a long time ago,
the last time I thought I was young

Now grandfather clocks know me by name,
chiming in their opinion,
pointing fingers in every direction,
signaling each passing hour like it is a celebration

Waking me from a peaceful moment
while an insulting dawn
hidden behind dark raspberry clouds
sings, “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone”

I see sunflowers staring through shutters
wondering why as
tear drops collect on their seeded faces,
salting their very existence

So I write out the reason
in the dust on this end table
Finger marks cutting through the dirt
that has gathered, forgotten and reminded

No poetry in those words, that has left me too,
my pen now passed on to someone “younger”
playing hopscotch and drinking cherry cola
stealing her heart as I

Fall into the unmade bed
where pillows are my only friends
Covering up...trying to hide from
the truth that scares me so..........who I am

Poem of prosy
I am so sorry
to relay this story
of ending glory
knowing
your suspenseful stories
await my attentions.
Your suspenseful showy
purposefulness I feel,
I do!
I read and write and breathe
and cry!
Just as you.
I slay dragons daily,
carry princesses away,
I live in castles
like you!
I walk every word wearily,
or crawl away , but always go forward.

I outfitted my worn-out clothes
Then in the far mirror, I see myself
I look behind the old me
Look pass the masked he wears,
Staring…  

After what seems like a few seconds,
I finally asked him;

“Have I neglected you?”

He didn’t answer…
A single tear fell in his left eye
And then I understood…

“I am sorry, I let you stay behind
masked for too long
muffled you for quite some time.
We all know society is cruel place to be.
We need to be strong and I needed to be stronger.
It was for our sake.
But then it was just me being a coward
                            - afraid to faced reality.

Now look at us, we’re both crying for the decisions
we’ve made long ago. It was not your fault,
I’m to blame with all of this crap.
I made you do it, I convinced you with my
Fears. And I am truly sorry for that.”

I break down into sobs. He simply hugs me, not saying anything.
Then he fades away.

I dried away the tears I shed
And found something,
     a feeling I never knew he give.
I found forgiveness.
I was able to forgive myself
From the things I did.
To stay past the past mistake,
To face the new kinda old me…

Then I realized;
It is important to forgive yourself
To be able to move forward.





written 09/27/2014
*© Pax

We have forgotten the original story
While writing so many versions of our own
With the pen that faltered
And the ink which created blemishes over paper
Creating only caricatures of the true beauty
Which we cannot emulate

Pierce the veil or pierce the heart

Close the wound or let it bleed it out

Stand together or stand alone

Be strong or be afraid

Fight the war or raise the white flag

Lets be friends or just walk away

Choices

the mind
has its own futile cravings
satisfied in succumbing!

in dark periods of my life
my thoughts lead me to
seeing my life as hopeless and pointless
I tried to hurry the end multiple times

today, my thoughts wander around my head
leading me to wonder about how
I am still alive
answer: grace

I hope I do not squander this
great gift I've been freely given
and remain grateful
by passing it on

it was suggested
that there be no nexus
between texas and your pal-
omino - tagging the alamo, **?

en el barrio, yo(u)-
and your gringa  homecoming
queen in tight-assed jeans
-running with ms-13?

-playing twister with your hipster
sisters misters smith & wesson
oiled up and and ready to go
- new mexico?

i found you in tres piedras
at a place called ortega's
eating huevos rancheros
- shooting jose cuervo?

-muthafucka mara salvatruchas
in a red camaro and two bruthas
on a burro with bow and arrows
-stole your palomino?

-they shoot horses
don't they?

riding the black el camino
-on the blue mesa.

r ~ 9/30/14

Darkness covers me with uncertainty
Judgment engulfs me
There is no light here...

Sickness surrounds me with stupidity
Forgiveness rejects me
There is all light here...

Choices that are made Fail
Choices that are given rejoice
When light shows it seems dim
When dim disappears it seems light

A cycle to be broken
But a cycle never cracked
We spin......There is no light....
But light we show....