Mommy why, i was just barely opening my heart to  you
Mommy you see me through the screen beating my life to you
120 beats per second ,faster than your heart mommy.
Mommy, I feel your smile broaden
Mommy I will love you conditionally
Moommyy what is this clamp mommy ,
please don't it hurts it hurts please mommy
Seven Weeks , Three Days Pregnant

I lost you my precious , Words will never define the darkness I feel in my heart . The darkness of how unloving my heart became, How heartless humanity was around me like infectious leech. Letting you go was the consequences of the bite. Please forgive me,  I made the biggest mistake in my life. The one mistake, where you won't grow up to learn from. What was left of my heart became stone cold , I let go my true shot of happiness, but I couldn't bring you into a world of brokenness and despair. You deserve better, but better than you will ever receive from me. One day I hope you understand. I promise you , my love lies deep in my veins.  I love you ,Heaven needed you back and I regret not standing like warrior and fighting for you. I never will wash dirt on my back,I can never stop apologizing for the vicious attacks you endured by me . Every sunrise and sunset I will forever mourn the death of my own humanity against you.
*One last breath,Mommy, I love you Forever
I'll float down the river ,patiently waiting for ocean to wash me into abyss , humming to the lullaby,I would have sang to you my precious gift.

I swear I tried to keep these thoughts of you
From creeping in, but what was I to do?
Was I to **** the thoughts I can’t forget?
I’m sorry love, I can’t forget you yet.
I can’t forget the things you’ve done to me
And everything you’ve helped me learn to be.
And as you fill my thoughts and change my soul,
I start to feel a little bit more whole.
And when the clock strikes twelve, though I’m asleep,
And when I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
I swear I cannot curb these thoughts of mine
Which stray, and stray to you, but I don’t mind.
In waking hours, I feel as though I dream.
For thoughts of you are all sweet dreams to me.
And you should know I think of you always
And try as though I might, these feelings stay.

lost in the hum of indifference
is the whimper of fading love
held captive and suppressed in false contentment
is the cry of a beaten soul
shackled by the devouring wind of illusion
this wounded heart beats
yet bleeds
of insignificance

My voice is a sad sound that echoes  through a hollow tunnel.
Silenced by the fears faced.
Walking quietly through the depths of negative impact of others.

I feel fine, I feel normal.
Then, I feel numb and weak.
I feel panic and confusion
Sleeping alone in my bed for three days
Unable to process life, unable to stay awake
Fighting to even gather my thoughts.

Knowing I need help but not knowing how to get it.
I have forgotten "911"
I have forgotten my brother and my friends.
I have forgotten how to use a phone.
I try to drink water, but that falls out of my mouth
I can barely move myself around the house.

Then a knock at the door.
My friend! I know I should know him.
He knows me, but I don't know him.
He asks me how I am
My reply is only a moan and random sounds.

He carries me to my truck
He carries me to the ER
I am only 19, who would have ever thought.
The doctor comes in and simply tells me
I have had a stroke.

What is a man to do?

-Brian Patrick O'Connor SR-

over the years,
i've collected images
of various escapades
all thrown away
when they thought
no one was looking.

i've listened to cries
hiding beneath their
ringing laughters
and tucked those tears
away in clear bottles
for safekeeping.

i've helped mend
battered hearts
& fractured souls,
then whispered comforts
about dreams & hopes.


i have done all those and more.


and now,

i want to know
if a song can rise from
the ashes of a broken life.

Ocean water wash up my feet,
Chilly rough sand underneath,
Behind me a torturous pit,
Within me a burning seat;

Onwards i'll be with the stars,
At will visiting venus and mars,
Away from the hurts and scars,
From his cruelty and lies;

I have finally closed the door,
To hurting me anymore,
From now i'll forever soar,
But not dragged on the floor;

I gave my heart, he took it all,
I was rend apart, he made me fall,
But now i run, i will not crawl,
my past i burn, i regain it all;

I have made a solemn choice,
No more silence to my voice,
If i will, i'll make a noice,
And stand in confidence and poice;

I will win and never loose,
Although i suffered hatred and abuse,
I'll put myself to reasonable use,
And watch my achievements reproduce.