I think I'll fall asleep in an hour
I think I'll be dead in a week
I'm sick of bitter arrogance-
it isn't something unique.
In fact it's kind of grotesque
the way I choose to progress
it's like i'm slowly
cutting from my
feet
and stopping
at my chest.
Do you get it yet?
Do you find it hard to understand?
Am I not what you were looking for
or do I need to be better than I am?
I'm only asking.
I think that's fair.
But then again I'm getting acquainted with
despair.
I tell myself it isn't real.
I try to believe that you care.
But all that goes out the window when
I see you are not there.
It's unusual;
the way I trip
over myself.
Therapists and teachers
always said I needed help.
But I didn't believe them.
Ignorant was how I felt.
Trapped, corner,
isolated-
I was ****** with what was dealt.
Just know that I didn't keep it.
I just walked right on out.
And for every moment
I've been defeated-
at least I wasn't

someone else.

But how can I forget you,
I met you at an age when
Everything seemed possible,
There was time left for everything,
When my mind body heart and soul
Were blank pages open to all colors,
When I stayed up half night to catch
That song on the radio which reminded me of you
I met you at the age when the touch
Of your name written on my hand
Gave me butterflies,
You became all my love songs
You became all my poetry
You became all my innocence,
My optimism, my naivete, my hope,
You were my year seventeeth,
And even on my thirty-seventh,
Fifty-seventh, seventy-seventh,
You will forever be my year seventeenth,
So how can i forget you?

My blood is gurgling lava swishing
Along the walls of my veins,
Turning 'red' every cell in its way,
Devouring my insides in raging flames,

As my skin simmers in silence,
But doesn't dare divulge,
The power of the quiet fire that
Seethes, raves, storms and engulfs!

He doesn't notice the goosebumps.
If he did, he could map out each inch
Of my body where my flesh lights up with
Desire at the mere sight of him.

He doesn't notice I'm beating about the bush
When I'm complimenting his eyes,
While my insides are squirming at the
Nervous thought of the ways infinite,

In which I'd overcome this ****** distance,
That is holding me back, keeping me away.
I know the Universe is buying time, fearing the
Electric aftermath our union would create.

I'll make sparks fly, we'll go see stars together,
Our skins'll birth fire, that'll satiate our hunger,
I'll let him touch raw love with his bare fingers,
Just a matter of time before we breach this barrier.

I will wait
blindly scraping through each day
on skinless knees
clawing through with bloodied fingers
searching for the truth to clench to

I will wait
in the bowels of a twisted mind
bending flickers to shadows
in endless search of the light
that teased with relentless promise

I will wait
for this Hell to freeze my bones brittle
buried in glacial daydreams
of a time that day meant
I could feel the warmth of the sun

I will wait
for the accidental happiness
that covered me like a puddle I fell into
while stumbling through existence
simply drawing breath

I will wait
in jagged darkness for the only reality
that makes sense of this place
for in that union is peace so pure
it washes the universe in light

So, yes, I will wait
an eternity of gaping wounds
bathed in the brine of silence
never giving voice to the grated truth
of the best part of who I am

this haunted house feels like us;
memories floating around like ghosts,
your shadow in the corner collecting dust
and the words of coversations like creaky doors
at midnight.
i've got the bones of ours hearts inside a
chest but forgot where the skeleton key went.
dared each other to go in, because, somehow
something dangerous and sinister makes the blood
pump faster.
now that we've left each other haunted,
afraid to love someone new once more-
was it worth not being called a coward, you think?

after all, just like you, my ghost will linger too.

Striated thoughts broken
by a life in dappled light
Shadows cool the flame
flickering wildly in exhalation
Stars mimic streetlights
in memories long left behind
Each speck a lifetime
and life seems eternal
Traversing shadows reluctantly
cloaking truth in darkness
A trail of flesh glitters
a path dragged on bended knee
marked by pieces of me I
just couldn't hold onto
Light debrides road-rash
unapologetically
Each transferred piece that replaced
a speck of who i was
slowly leaves a void in the shape
of the very damage the shadows blind
Can you see the truth
The light shines on the perfect pieces
for the world to ogle
as shadows mask the tattered flesh
of a life that tastes like
the muddy shoe that bludgeoned
it unrecognizable
Who are we if not who we were
Who can bear the truth
and still pretend to love the unloveable
Who can see what I cannot show
as fear has stunted joy
in the dappled light
that breaks each thought to pieces

The birds cross the sea
To search for their survival

The sea
Doesn't frisk them

I don't get angry with the sun
For being what it is
Or doing what it does
When my skin burns
From overexposure
I just become disappointed
With myself
You were no different
I just wanted you to be

Confined in close quarters
begging for quarantine
love tastes like carrion

Breathing mold spores
appeals more than
the kiss of a dying heart

For to taint joy
with the stink of decay
haunts honesty with living lies

A heavy heart
cannot power the light
that fuels a soul

trust is easier to break
than to put together again

On hold, I'm on hold
if I may be so bold
I hate being on hold....
    feels like you are being so cold
    leaving me on hold....
On hold, I'm on hold
my beard has grown mold
while I'm on hold
    Sold my living soul
    to get off being on hold
Now I'm feeling bold
worth my weight in gold
poke you in the eye scold you for your lie
    Tale all told
    of me being on hold
    rhyme and reason rolled into your sneezing
    while I'm on hold
then my provider be dammed sixfold
cutting off my call in a stranglehold
On hold, I was on hold
goes beyond the threshold
lost my foothold
gotta callback to be
put on hold, on hold, on hold