my heart,
it beats for you
and when you're not here
it keeps on asking
where you are.

your fingertips,
that touch my skin.
your lips,
so soft,
i could kiss forever.
the feeling of your skin,
your hair,
your breath.  
where are they?

the only reason
my heart keeps on beating
is to feel it
all over again.
and when it happens,
it may skip a beat,
or two.

my heart
it beats for you
so where are you?
cause i want to feel alive again.

I can't stop thinking about you
But I cannot find the right words to speak
So much artistry to make this forever anew
Scrambled by the instance it seeks my hand
The loss of you continues to make me weak
Yet in a distance I know you are just fine

I shouldn't have let you in
To the deepest of chambers
Held by the vessel of all emotion
Tarnished by seemingly endless wars
The thought of us now many see as sin
A notion
Splitting my mind since the moment
We left the mainland
To forge memories no one
Can claim were their own

Several hands have been dealt
To help me forget
Everything I felt and all I thought
I saw
Your silence sends the message
I should walk away
Back into the chambers
Of the secluded fortress
I once let you in

I know our new friends
Watch my pursuits grow further
Which leads me to wonder
If you think about me
As much as I think about you

Despite what I want to happen
I know I must let fate run its course
If our paths cross again
Maybe, just maybe

Or it will prove I shouldn't have let you in

You once asked me that question
and all I could answer was, "I just love you."
My answer to your question might seem so simple,
but believe me when I say it's more complex than that.

My love for you is too vast,
there's no amount that can measure it.
It is by itself indescribable,
no words can do it justice.

I would say that you're my whole universe,
but to me you're more than just an immense number of galaxies.
I would say that I love you to infinity,
but I know that I love you more than what's beyond the infinite.
I would say that I could love you for eternity,
but to me even eternity seems like a short period of time.
I could write this for as long as I want,
but I know that this won't even be enough to explain my love.

So dear, if you ever ask me again of how much I love you,
know that my answer would still stay the same.
Within those four words my love remains indefinable.
Within those four words my love remains immeasurable.

"I just love you" and that is all I can say.

I know I shouldn’t
But i miss you like the sun misses the moon.

I can’t help
But miss you like a rain filled sky misses the sun.

No matter how much I try
I still miss you like a desert misses the rain.

I wish I could stop
But I keep missing you like the darkness misses the light

I see your picture
And miss you like the night sky misses the stars

I miss you like the cold of winter misses the heat.
I miss you like the blind misses sight.
Like the lame misses walking.
Like a wound misses healing.
Like an alcoholic misses liquor.
Like an addict misses the high.

Without you
I feel like a warrior without their armour
Like the world without people.
I am the world and you are the people.
Without you, I am nothing.

Yet you are a parasite to me,
slowly chipping away at my core,
unaware of the destruction in your wake.

And I just can’t stop missing you.

Sometimes you meet a once
in a life time person,
and your paths will only
cross once,
like an eclipse.
But it will be the most
beautiful moment of your
life.
And the whole world will stop
and look in awe,
like the moon crossing
over the sun for just a quick moment.

When it hits me
It comes in stages
Everything will be fine
Then the thoughts flood my mind
They take over me
I start to get numb in the chest
I then lose focus
Only thinking of the thoughts it has brought
There is no way to avoid it
Pain
Trauma
Sadness
It fills my body till there is no actual life left

when they tell you
"go look for love,"
look for it first
inside you.
it will be
(most certainly)
knocking at the door of your heart.
(your heartbeat.)
let it in.
it will run through every room inside
moving things around
untangling the messes you've made
making room.
it will change you.
you might not recognize yourself.
it will bring light to your eyes,
brighten your smile,
redden your cheeks.
it will teach you to make art.
to sing and write poetry and dabble in painting.
it will teach you to like you,
to love you,
the wonder that you are.
you'll know what love looks like
now that it's inside you.

I do not know what to write
I have not for days or months or years
Or since I was born
Because
Some people wish to be free
I do not

I am afraid

I look in the mirror and I freeze
Captivated by my flaws
My ego sneers
"You're not good enough"
"You'll never be good enough"
"No talent no job no lover no family no meaning no purpose no life"

"No wonder why everyone leaves you"

And for a second
My sadness makes me feel real
And
Relatable
Because I am not an
extraordinary beautiful crestfallen angel


I am just a girl who writes ****** poems at 3:30 AM



But still it's the
mild differences
that make me feel
so alone

She came back.
Briefly.
Back from mind and heart.
Back into my
actuality.

The initial shock
of external appearance
immediately
transposed itself
into the feeling of
habitual love.

There was no alteration
beyond the
superficiality
of her changed deportment.
The strength of character,
the courage to face
unflinchingly
the extremities of
physical discomfort
and pain . . .
none of this in any way
differed
from the recalled
determination
that inspires
the admiration
and the adoration
in which she is held.

She is not a survivor.
She is a victor.

This is about me—
I’m going to make it that way
because, unfortunately,
that’s all I know.

These days
focusing on the positive
in every situation
does not happen with me.

It’s waking up to open the curtains
and realizing there was
no sun to begin with—
you have only ever seen
that dark sky
and the stars.

Something must be wrong with me
and that’s all I know.

There is no energy to
dig deeper
within myself or
within the depths of
knowledge, vast in the growing
planet we call home.

There is a vastness of people
I can’t seem to love,
to understand,
or to even hate.
But why?
Why do I have to harbor these feelings?
Why do I have to accept them?

I have a choice, right?
Right?

Why do we listen to sad music
to make us sadder?
Are we so drained and empty
that we cannot shed those tears
unless those lyrics,
those harmonies,
those sounds,
kick us in the heart?

Why aren’t I special?
What did I do wrong?
Why am I so tired?
Where did all my energy go?
Where did I go?

I am sorry to those I have failed,
to those I have angered,
to those I have saddened
and confused.
I don’t want you to worry about me,
but these days I can’t seem
to control my emotions.

I can’t articulate anything.
I can’t tell you what I’m feeling,
I can’t tell you what I’m seeing,
or what I’m hearing
because I don’t know
how to explain it.

How do I tell you that I hate
and admire you simultaneously?
How do I tell you I’m proud of you
but also jealous of your success?
How do I tell you I hate myself?
How do I tell you I’m fine
but have depression?
How do I tell you I’m confident
but also anxious?
How do I give you all my trust
only to shield it from you?
How do I tell you I’m paranoid?

How do I tell you
I don't feel
real anymore?