Critique My Poem - Hello Poetry

Nov 2

Àŧùl

Your memory won't go away,
Of the days from the recent past.
The memories of togetherness,
My heart longs for you now, at last.

Why? Oh, why did you break my heart?

Had those moments been money,
I'd demonetise each one of them...
And I'd see them grow in my assets,
I'd see them grow in my investments,
Clutch you; I'd clutch you to my heart.

Why? Oh, why would you break my heart?

Had those moments been birds,
I'd lure them all inside my heart...
And I'd nourish them with my love,
I'd see them grow under my affection,
Bring you; I'd bring you to my home.

How? Oh, how could you destroy my love?

Your memory won't go away,
Of the days from the recent past.
The memories of togetherness,
My heart longs for you now, at last.

My HP Poem #2021
©Atul Kaushal

Meta AI's opinion:

"Longing For You" beautifully expresses the ache of lost love.

Key elements:

1. Persistent memories: "Your memory won't go away"
2. Yearning for togetherness: "My heart longs for you now, at last"
3. Painful separation: "Why did you break my heart?"
4. Metaphors for cherished moments:
- "Demonetise" and "invest" (valuing time together)
- "Lure" and "nourish" (protecting and nurturing love)
5. Emotional repetition: "Why?" and "How?" (anguished questioning)

Themes:

1. Heartbreak
2. Longing
3. Nostalgia
4. Loss

Poetic devices:

1. Rhetorical questions
2. Metaphors
3. Repetition
4. Rhyme

Your poem effectively conveys the intensity of emotional pain and the struggle to move on.

Would you like to:

1. Explore coping mechanisms for heartbreak?
2. Discuss the role of nostalgia in healing?
3. Analyze the impact of metaphors on emotional expression?
4. Share more poetry or thoughts?

Nov 2

Àŧùl

The Flame of Realisation

I
Did
Realise
In Time,
To succeed
And my dad
Guided me to
The epitome of
Worldly success.
Now I'm a beacon,
For you and others,
In this complete fray.
You have my example,
I realised that I have to,
Without procrastinating,
Put efforts for success too,
And for a lifestyle achieving,
I practised writing mock tests,
Not any more novels, none bro,
For I realised that I'm mi'l class.
The Indian mi'l class put efforts,
Without these, there's no bun,
So, I solved mock tests daily,
I didn't shy away and run,
Put my efforts regularly,
You too need just study.

No legislator will think of you,
For you come from the mi'l class,
And from the gen'l cat'ry too.

My HP Poem #2022
©Atul Kaushal

Meta AI's opinion:
"The Flame of Realisation" inspires with its message of perseverance and hard work.

Key takeaways:

1. Personal growth: Overcoming procrastination, realizing potential.
2. Fatherly guidance: Valuing parental support.
3. Success through effort: Emphasizing daily practice (mock tests).
4. Middle-class pride: Recognizing the importance of hard work.
5. Social context: Addressing societal expectations, legislation.

Poetic devices:

1. Metaphor (Flame of Realisation)
2. Alliteration (mi'l class, gen'l cat'ry)
3. Repetition (I realised)
4. Rhyme

Themes:

1. Self-improvement
2. Family influence
3. Perseverance
4. Social awareness

Your poem encourages readers to:

1. Take responsibility for success
2. Value hard work
3. Overcome procrastination

Inspiring others with your journey!

Would you like to:

1. Discuss overcoming procrastination techniques?
2. Explore the impact of parental guidance?
3. Analyze societal expectations vs. individual goals?
4. Share more poetry or experiences?

#hard #work #procrastination #general #category #middleclass #indian #concrete

Oct 26

Àŧùl

2012: A Lantern

2012 passed away without much of ado.
Without much ado, without much ado.
The warnings were anything but true.

I conquered a remarkable triumph,
Yes, I conquered 14 out of 14 tests.
From not one but two semesters.

Even my parents,
They did not expect,
I'd clear so many tests.

But oh my mama, and baba,
I remember how you took care,
How you brought me back to life.

Do not exert yourselves needlessly,
Now take some rest, my parents,
Stop searching a bride for me.

I've realised I've got an ego issue.
After all those trials & errors of love,
I cannot ever share my life with a wife.

My HP Poem #2012
©Atul Kaushal

#thanks #parents #gratefulness #humility #choose #bachelorhood

Sep 14

Àŧùl

Into The Oblivion

And as the Aaryavarta planet gave away.
The Řṣ̌ìjànáh, who were their scientists,
They made the spaceship or Vyómàyánà,
And all the remaining beings hopped on.
Fighting against the agents of Kàlìyùgàm,
Pràbháṣ̌gùpŧà and Vìbháṣ̌gùpŧà the twins,
The energy source was the vibrations of Om.

The Vyómàyánà took off into the oblivion.

This poem is about my novel Aaryavarta.

The Aaryavarta or Áryàvàrŧà Trilogy has three sequels.

My HP Poem #1983
©Atul Kaushal

#aaryavarta #trilogy #novel #series #alien #origins #humans

Sep 1

Àŧùl

Beyond The Blues

🖤❤️🤎🧡🤍🩶🖤
Always hoping for the good,
Rarely depressed, but now
Elated only by Tom & Jerry.

Had my life been a little less lonely,
Indeed I wouldn't be depressed,
Dead sure my heart wouldn't be sad,
Dreading the gaping hollowness,
Everyday I wakeup hoping for validation,
Not ready for more blind criticism.

The fiancée was jealous of my success,
How not I wanted, she was exactly that,
Expecting her to read my poems & novels.

Yet she wasn't interested in any of my arts,
Especially she disliked my songs,
Loving me she wasn't capable of,
Lonely & unwanted I felt,
Of me she thought to be vain,
What she didn't know I felt,
Someone she didn't respect.

Ambitions she had extreme,
Not ready to put her Karma,
Didn't I want just love from her.

Respect my wars she did not,
Even my victories,
Didn't impress her,
So, I called off the marriage.

My HP Poem #1979
©Atul Kaushal

#depressed #yet #hopeful #acrostic #poem #love #lost

Jul 2022

Àŧùl

Lovely Day

Such a lovely day,
And it's mine,
The most loveliest day of my life.

Such a lovely day,
Should be grand,
It's a day that I can stand.

The most loveliest day of my life,
The most loveliest day of my life.

Such a lovely day,
Should always exist,
It's a day that I'll always miss.

Such a lovely day,
And it's mine,
The most loveliest day of my life.

And if you go,
I wanna go with you.

And if you ***,
I wanna *** with you.

Take your hand and fly away.

The most loveliest day of my life.
The most loveliest day of my life.
The most loveliest day of my life.

Such a lovely day,
And it's mine,
It's a day that I'll always miss.

Modified the lyrics to the masterpiece by System of a Down called “Lonely Day.”
My HP Poem #1951
©Atul Kaushal

#lonely #day

Oct 2020

Àŧùl

The Ghost Of A Sordid Past

α
My past is so blotted & blotched,
Yet, I am living this moment.

Painful or not, it'd hardly matter,
Any luck with life, I miss daily,
I miss all my possibilities,
None have I achieved,
To time I put my ode,
Ever so desperately,
Dying will be easier.

Perhaps, I'd wait until my parents,
And then I shall embrace her,
Saying, “Sorry, I kept you longing,”
This time there is no guardian angel.
β

My HP Poem #1889
©Atul Kaushal

#my #painted #past #acrostic

Nov 2017

Joseph Timothy

Qu'es-ce que l'amour (What is Love?)

Love's not wicked, he was;
She's sincere and he wasn't;
Love is patient, you rushed;
She's not angry, he's always mad;
Not violent but he hit you.

Love is beautiful, look in the mirror;
Love is caring, show it;
Love is joy, embrace her;
Love heals, you'll see;
Immortal - "till death do you part";
Love - Is real; you'll know when you find him.

I personified love as a "her" in this case (if you got confused). I believe there is a general misconception of what love is, be that's just my opinion , nonetheless, don't hate love, don't run away from it. It is what it is - beautiful, a very very deep, powerful emotion. Take the leap.

#love #life #truth

Oct 2017

GitacharYa VedaLa

Mother

In darkness I slide
No fear and tension, for her
Womb's my fortress

Haiku - 69

#mother #love #womb #both

Oct 2017

Àŧùl

Fillings

Here, have these fortune cookies,
Observe how smooth each cookie is,
Wow! Just so sensual the feeling is.

Again bring it closer to your lips,
When you sense me coming closer,
Edge I do to you day by day nearer,
Soon I'll be in proximity of your hips,
Onto myself, I'll pull you & we grind,
Memories to treasure we'll create,
Envious will be negative people.

Wish me to be yours,
I** will definitely be and,
Long lasting love of ours,
Lasts forever and ever.

Best friends forever we are,
Earned each other we have.

Of an Angel, I had always dreamed,
Unlimited is our potential together,
Right now I feel that I want you near.

My penetrance into your life is deep,
Unto your soul now my love you keep,
Tacit is this time-lapse right now,
Understand what it says and how,
Allow it to mature upon us both,
Love also takes more effort.

Of an angel, I had always dreamed,
Right that I have got in your form,
Games of our romance never end,
Always they seem in continuum,
Steal we will a moment of love,
Moonlight will enlighten it all,
Soon we will swoon and fall.

#feelings #of #care #intimacy #selflessness #and #love

May 2017

Joseph Timothy

Exactly what she is; Rose.

She may have been Rose,
She may have been beautiful,
Wearing the scent of a thousand spring blooms,
And I may have held on too long,
Wearing scars like skin,
Getting wounds that never healed,
Did I realize she was nothing but the thorns of a thousand summers,
That pierced more than my flesh.