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 Nov 2016
Pea
didn't i tell you?
we cannot escape darkness
while avoiding light
Now listen
 Nov 2016
Julia Elise
I think my lips are chapped because I've kissed so many boys who don't love me.
You ask me 'what do you taste like?' I don't think its very **** to say regret and sadness.
You say 'when can I taste you' My taste has been passed around so many tongues there is nothing left for you.

He tells me 'I'm here for you, I'll always be here for you' as he kisses my neck. The next week the bite mark on my belly is fading and I can barely remember the colour of your eyes.

My sister says 'you will change your mind' she says, 'all woman want to be mothers'.
I have stumbled in at 4am with the taste of strangers in my throat to see my mother sitting upright waiting for me, I think of the night I spent crying on my mothers lap in a&e;, certain I couldn't make it through the day, the way my brother scowls at my mother, my sister telling her that 'you could've done more, you could've walked away.' I. Dont. Want. Children.

My mum tells me she is old, she is tired. She desperately needs a man to hold doors open for her and carry her shopping. I am trying to remember that needing someone does not mean you are weak.

My grandmother gave me waist beads to encourage fertility. She says 'god gave you those hips to birth children'. Ive never told her that i lost my faith in god the year i lost my virginity.  And if there is a god, i don't want his ******* fertility. I want to break these beads and let drugs engulf me to prove my grandmothers blind faith wrong.
I laugh and pray before our meal and kiss her forehead, 'god bless'.

He tells me 'i know youre *****, its natural'. I laugh and play along for his delight. 'women are just like toys, television, easy puzzles'. I think of my father beating my mother, my fathers face all the men ive walked past in the street. My mothers face is my own.

'if you don't want boys to touch you you shouldn't wear tight clothes'. I think of all the boys who have run their fingers over my back when i was dressed in clothes from neck to ankle. I wonder if god is a sexist man. I wonder if there's any men who aren't implicitly sexist.

He tells me, 'I'll spend hours on you, I'll make you believe in god again'. There is nothing I can do but laugh. I ask him, 'does your mother know you speak to girls like this?'
He ***** his teeth, 'do you always have to be so difficult?'  
I kiss him but I think of his mother, foreign and lonely, 2 sons and no husband.

He says 'you need a real man' I think of all the other boys who have told me that before leaving me.
He wants to know why I'm in hospital so much, 'how are we going love each other when you can't tell me what's wrong with you' I don't want to tell him that I've cut my arms so badly I can see god in my blood, and sometimes the voice in my head screams so loud I black out. I kiss his chest. He doesn't ask again. I resent him for that.

I've been ignoring my fathers phone calls for two weeks because his voice sounds like absence and I don't want to hear another 'I love you' from a man who doesn't know my secrets.
 Nov 2016
Corvus
I didn't go to your funeral today.
Wasn't well enough.
Part of me feels guilty, but not because of you,
Just because there's an expectation to go to funerals.
Really, I don't mind though.
I don't mind not thinking 'goodbye' in the direction of a coffin
While a man talks about things I don't believe in.
You and I said goodbye not long ago,
And it's a memory I'll forever cherish.
How fragile you were, yet how strong you became
Under the weight of your mother's death.
How you took my own grieving mother under your arm,
Outstretched in love, and asked her if she'll be OK.
And then you turned and looked at me, called me by name,
Walked over to me and asked how I was.
Said goodbye and gave me a hug.
How much your old personality shone through in that moment,
After years of mental health problems but you were still my auntie Jackie.
I didn't go to your funeral today,
But I've got the best memory of us parting ways.
 Nov 2016
Rebel Heart
Is it a sin
To be so broken apart...
To be so torn at the edges
That there's nothing left but heart?

I'm still beating
Though I feel like I have no soul.
This life I'm barely breathing,
And maybe I've lost control.

Skin torn off by shards of broken promises
Bones withered down by time,
Yet the only thing I have left is this heart
This heart I pour out in rhyme.

Maybe I've lost control
And all sense of direction
I have but nothing left,
Not even an ounce of protection.

These words I spill out,
Written in the blood of my empty heart,
They're the only thing I have left,
Every other piece of me is torn apart.

So I'm begging you,
With this one last thing I have to say,
Take care of these words, my heart,
It's already broken anyway.
This poem recently got published and I can't thank you guys enough for all the support and love...
Front page (11/14/2016)
 Nov 2016
Kelly Weaver
Have you never been hopelessly in love
Without a care in the world?
Trying so very hard to hide your feelings
Though you're breaking.
And the sun can come up
As it does every day
But the emptiness in your heart
Will still remain.
And I know that I'm not perfect
And I know we aren't the same
But I can't shake the image of you
That managed to plague my brain.
So I'll sit back and watch
As you smile, smile away
Just know that, deep down,
I'll never forget your name.
 Nov 2016
Love
After that night the bags under my eyes never went away and streams of white hair made their appearance.
My insides felt like they were planning a revolt and every bit of humanity I had left vanished with a siren like shriek.
My tears felt like acid and the carpet still looks bleached where they fell from the waterfall on my face.
My breath had been stolen by the two ton weight on my chest and I didn't want it back.
My heart had proclaimed its demise because surely nothing can strive after being torn in two.
My eyes wept, my mind wept, even the hands that you used to hold so dear have wept.
After that night my fear has never went away, and even with death, my love never will.

*Some broken hearts just cannot mend.
 Nov 2016
Melanie Kate
You took my sails and filled them with the air of your words,
Guided them through my darkness with the light in your eyes,
And gave my journey momentum with the current of your voice.
The course traversing through entire ocean-filled universes.
Breathless.
Hopeful.
Silent.
(C) MKD 2016
 Nov 2016
Melanie Kate
The reality you feel
Is the illusion your insecurities have fed you.
The observations made become your assumptions
That destroy the beauty of the unknown.
The words you choke on
Distort truth to lies.

Then your silence feeds your fears
Until your heart begins to fill with doubt.
The possibilities dissipitate
Sabotaged any friendship, any hope, any adventure, any future.
Convinced by the anxiety that warps your mind,
You close yourself.

There's no way back through the twisted silence and physical separation.

Ruined.
(c) MKD 2016
 Nov 2016
Jellyfish
Last night I cried myself to sleep...
But tonight I'm filled with warmth
and hope to dream of you once more.
You always make me feel better, thank you.
 Nov 2016
Jellyfish
I lay here silently listening in the light for her to scream or possibly cry, during this time alone I realize how I may have sounded. Now I'm less frustrated, more sad. I didn't mean for what I said to sound bad. Today turned around quicker than I had expected. I haven't felt this bad in a while. I'm sorry.
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