When we were together
No one else existed
You used to say that when you were with me
You forgot all your problems

But the second we got apart
I turned into one
Everything stopped making sense
Together, it was everything
Apart, it was fear, regret, and guilt

Then I realised
That when we were together
You didn't forget your problems
You forgot I was the problem

I want to talk to you so bad
So so badly
But I can't

I want you to hold me
Tell me everything is going to be okay
But you won't

How come I think of you
When times are dark and blue?
You'd surely know what to do

I would hold your hand until the storm in my head calms down
And we would smile and know that nothing can destroy us
But we won't
And we never will

It takes a song, a quote, a scent or a dream
To bring you back

No matter how long you've spent absent from my mind
Somehow, you always seem to reappear

Before, it broke my heart
Now, I hold my ground

You're never going to dissapear
But I can live with that

And I'll be just fine

You had a recital, I missed;
Your hands poised, back straight,
Toes touching the hardwood stage
Near the pedals.
Stillness filled the theatre;
I felt the transmission of inaudable notes
Blending, peeling,
Stinging my senses.
I confessed my unintended sins,
My one of omission -
The one that left you on the swing;
The one when you fell.
I missed your recital,
But I attend it often,
Echoing and bounding over swaying hills.
Such an Ode... such Joy
At the tranquility.
Such a burden.

In the dark age before reason
warmed his sharp knife,
I took things to heart
that left scars with no wound,
like lightning without thunder
or melody, that barefoot gypsy
I fell in love with, like Night
and her moon, woman with child
sinking below frozen ground,
I learned the loneliness
of cold seasons, and the wood
of the wild cherry will **** you.

I'm laying in my bed
Surrounded by darkness
Listening to the footsteps above me
It's easy to tell who's walking.

I turn over and sigh,
Still in a mood from last night
I just want to go back to sleep
So another day can pass me by,

But I have to get up and fight.

In the immortal present
clouds making quarter suns,
The sky makes blue solitudes
Petrified by precipitous eyes....

     Diaphanous drops
Under phosphorus moon
Loading the eyes with munitions
Filling night skies with glass shards....

    Eyes perceive
Light distributes shadow
Glimmering with ****** views
    Understanding what one sees....

Aligned night begat day
Begat night....

do you ever sit
quit, still
and wonder who
may be thinking about you
at that very moment

do you ever sit  hunched over in lecture
wondering
if your car is the car
someone has picked out to watch
speed by on a rainy day
passing the time

or ponder
if your car headlights are the ones
shining in through the little boys window
at midnight
singing him to sleep

have you ever thought about
who is longing for a way out or
what the person on the train
sitting next to you has to say about
polotics

do you ever smile at a raindrop
cascading down glass
at a child lauging
or being right in class

how about the wind
on a humid summer day
or the way you can change someones mood
by the little things you say

have you stopped and held the door
for the man that walks with a cane
or wondered why
others cant do the same

have you stopped to thank those
who have helped you succeed
who have clothed your back
given you everything you need

have you looked in the mirror and
said hey its okay
i like this better
than eating a salad anyway

when was the last time
you held out you hand
for someone in need
and said yes you can

have you been the best you
have you ran the extra mile
have you high fived
yourself
and finished with a smile

do you ever sit
and wonder of things to come
or imagine all the things that
you could have done

.
So you snuggle in to your bed
as you hear mid-winter calling.
The cold north wind is blowing
as the last of Autumns leaves are falling.
Did you ever stop to think
as you pull up your blankets tight?
That out in the doorways of the city
desperate figures shiver in the night.
Crowding around the soup van
blue hands grasping for the heat.
Hallowed eyes and frightened expressions
as the rain turns to stinging sleet.
The concrete pavements are hard and cold
the bridges provide scant protection.
The hot food and volunteers words
stir memories into recollection.
Once they were people of society
with homes and jobs and cars and love.
Now they fight behind the charity shops
for clothes and coats and hats and gloves.
So as you snuggle deep in your bed
and your fire starts to burn low.
Remember the people of the streets
as the sleet begins to turn to snow.

Pagan Paul (Dec 2008) ©2016

There is something pure about unhinged weirdness

Not the cult
or the killer
Or the worm hole

but

The everyday freaks
the working class freaks
The insomniac freaks
the acid freaks
The space freaks
and the artist freaks

A lack of proper structure is a fine line

It would seem society drew some of that line

but we filled in the blanks

I say

Embrace the strange

Do your best to make it highly functioning

If need be wear that practiced poker face

The one you use to navigate the little spaces

Know we are not alone

Just another human condition

My apologies

I never was a very good human

I use to know the best ways to waste silence

Climb into the sun and dive for time and place

True thoughts prevailed and distract an eager mind

Smile like slapstick and form a new foundation

I suppose we could lose ourselves in these sublime moments

Some tools left for mending
some words left for reaction
Anxiety properly positioned

Misplaced an ego
artificial in it's hold

Lost and fumbled
Temporarily found

Some creatures can't be helped

Claimed this body as your own

went to work with your indifferent sabotage

I slowly shattered with each new head space

Broke me down for spare parts

mumbling a need for mending holes self inflicted

I watch myself in shambles
patchwork for your dark corners

Suggestions are plastered
new breeds are rendered

Remember those days

shots called by sanity

Boring yet stable

safe yet


Maddening?