I have set my heart to rest in the palms
Of so many others, each a spiralling hate
grown from the echoes of differences
but I guess I've come to regret my mistakes.
I have loved as much as I have lost
Watched the tides take love from me like a kite
caught between the drifts of stormy winds
Just hoping that one day things will be alright.
Maybe I trusted myself with too many others,
screamed 'here take a piece of my heart...
do what you want with it because I trust you
Not to ever break it into pieces and parts'.
I never did learn, what it was like to not trust
And I guess doing so, I drew the short end
of a twisted stick, just some sick game to those
Who saw it fun to break hearts over and over.
I look around, I see people filled with life
Filled with joy, I look at a mirror and I see
a desperate cry for help that goes unheard
because of all the things unsaid like simply
'I love you and I hope you do too'.
I guess me...and others...we weren't meant to be
We weren't meant to ever be lovers.
So I write this dedicated to those who I've loved...
And those who I have lost.

'A part of me will always remember what we had
And you might not think you had an impact
But I guess you gave me a piece of myself I never
knew that I ever had.

You have a piece of my heart-
And you can keep it;
I won't need it where I'm going...'

From: Someone you once knew, and someone who needs to forget.

One moment you were here.
Breathing, smiling and singing in my car.

I didn't ask for this!

It took one feeling and a call.
The words were all wrong.
I knew what they were going to say.

I didn't ask for this!

I wanted so badly to see your face.
Even for the last time.
But all I could remember were the last words I said.

I didn't ask for this!

For you to be gone so suddenly.
Not to see your last moments of life.
Never being able to get to the hospital on time.

I didn't ask for you to be gone so fast from our lives.

Despite the heart which is froze
Hatred runs fluidly
Like the water in shattered glass
Like the blood in broken bones
Like the flames in our homes    
This hatred
It speaks to me
Like drugs to an addict

When it tells me to shoot
                                         I relapse and
                                       aim for the sky

I said..
In spite of my own humility
Hatred runs deeply
Like the roots beneath the dirt
Like the pain beyond the hurt
Like this poem before your eyes

I despise 
                Way too many lies
                And so little truth  

I said..
I hate beautiful  
It cripples me deeply  
For you are my pity
My pain and their pleasure

When I am high
                           I'll collapse and fall
                        Far from this place
                        Of rotten bliss

I said..
Look at me        
Blood misrepresents me    
For I am cut differently
This pain isn't felt
Like the emptiness
Residing in your cup
It is felt
Like a toxic
Living inside the gut
Like these words
Traveling directly
Towards the stomach

I mean..
             Although this addiction kills me
           Hatred is also the remedy
          It is all I need to truly appreciate
          The little love I have left.

I know that there have been times,
down the bruised and misread years,
when I have been hard and cold.
Perhaps even seeming to be cruel
But, please remember who I am
And where it is I've come from.
Born to gossip and scandal
and raised in the family war zone,
trust and tenderness, at times,
seem illusory to me.
Unknowable.
Like smoke in my hands.
But I still try.

                                  By Phil Roberts

i cannot imagine myself,
i mean the voice with whom I speak
who both doubt and believe (in me)
i cannot imagine that self
without you.
your silence a symphony
your words a philosophy
carefully constructed behind
the blue iris and white wash
of your eyes.

i cannot imagine my life
without you in the passenger seat
(you let me drive) and you've yet
to fall asleep
i can still feel you staring at me
and that self doesn't want to believe
(at least not on this particular day)
it's worthy of whatever good you see.
yet here you are, in all your quiet thunder
humbling me with each individual
breath.

i cannot imagine myself
because as much as i have wrestled
and fought against this inevitable truth
it grew more clear with every struggle.
i cannot imagine myself
because since the day i met you
i knew inside this mind of mine
i had to make room for two.

~

I'm standing here

       In this doorway

   Halfway between where I have been
And where I will go

     *And I can't help but cry tears of joy.

Polished and refined,
With death I have found
A life below ground
A place I can call mine
Destruction and evil deeds
A breeding of pure hate
Is all that I can create
Out of all these heartless seeds

I punch them in
To the deep sullen dirt
Water them with vengeance
And a sprinkling of hurt
Tonight is the night
I find what dwells below
I don't have a key
But I can bargain with my soul
As I place it into these seeds
I am but reeds in the grass
I'm letting go
Only Heaven knows
The blackness of Hell's wrath

I plant my lifeless soul in this plot
To groom it as it grows
So slowly that nobody knows
It's the place the devil goes to rot
Watered with tears, warmed with fire
And as time stands still, never changing
This fruition of evil continues growing
Until the depths of hell can go no higher

Then it will bloom
A flowering gloom
Growing out of control
The ground will harden
In this here garden
Fertilized by my soul

This path we all walk alone through our minds
Has the most comforting of hiding spots
Like the trees in nature all around us
We grow our thoughts
We branch out and reach for the horizon
We build up walls
To provide the shade and oxygen we need
To breathe
To have the silence we can only find within ourselves
To continue on this journey with a clear mind
We create ideas within this path
We travel on and bring as much beauty to the world as we can
And yet,
Sometimes the only comfortable solace we have
Is alone,
Just walking down this path