I had a bad night last night.
Texts from my mom saying grandma should raise me full time.
She said she will take me to probate court and sign away her rights as a mother.
Is she a mother? Could you really call her that?
My mom said it’s better this way for all involved.
It’s better for her if she wouldn’t have a daughter anymore?
My mom told me that my dad has missed me, he wanted to pick me up and bring me back.
My mother said I know you aren’t happy at our house.
You have lived with your grandma most of your life, of course she is going to make you happier.
Who’s fault is that? You sent me to grandma’s house when I was little because you didn’t want to deal with me.
My mother thinks I hate her, she acts like I haven’t made any effort to fix things.

As so often
I find myself telling the same story
Of a reckless young man
Who skated on thin ice
With every move and decision
A gamble
A spin of the wheel
Risking sanity, soul and life
Spin and spin again
Add passion to the grinding day
Add colour to the morbid grey
Oh, foolish young man
Now that he's old and damaged
Boredom raises it's dull-eyed head
As he practises being dead
Spin and spin again

                                  By Phil Roberts

All of the shining mad ones
With their heresies of reality
And other visions and other voices
Are not diminished
By the multitude of choices
That is their truth
Upon each waking day

They are woken by the howl
From beyond the first ear
And into the deeper mind
Where there is other language
And blinding colours of emotion
For madness has the purity of pain
That martyrs can only long for

                                           By Phil Roberts

I'd like to believe
That the sun smiles for me
Or that love is endless
And summer is everlasting
Or that happiness is just a dear drop away
Because I've been crying for days
And help isn't on its way
And I'm so afraid.
I'd like to think people mean what they say
And that there's only gonna be one cloudy day
And that, in order to grow, we all need a little rain
But I look at myself and I'm so ashamed.
Nobody tells you, when you're born,
That your heart will be torn
And you may wish for sweet relief
To fall asleep and to never wake
They never tell you how hard it may be
And they don't prepare you for a lack of sympathy.
And the ones you love may hurt you most
And the heavy feeling in your chest doesn't flee
It roasts.
There's a fire in your heart
And you wish you never had to start wishing
Wishing there was an easier way
Wishing for a way to ease the pain
It's incredibly hard to escape the perpetually aching heart you carry day by day
And that, my friend, is all I have to say.

My love
It is my weakness
It is the ammunition
It will furnish the fashion
You will hurt
Your heart will break
To another you should take
The love you have left

The dust settles
Some time has passed
No more questions asked
You now smile with no frown
And your love is not tied down

Now we are free
but there is still pain for me
The pain I have given and the selfish one that I now feel in my solitude
A day to forget the day it was your love I chose to exclude

Fall in love with yourself
again
Like when you were five
When,
          your first crush turned you down
          but you didn't stop singing
          your nursery rhymes
Twinkle, twinkle little star
again

.
Alive as a stone is cold, frozen,
Unmoved as drying statuary -
No blood was running in my veins,
No song was sung behind my brain.

Was I black as rock in wintry shroud?
Was I a phantasm that caught your eye?
My ends were sewn, threaded with hands,
That room, with you, was clothed in dream.

And I slept in a loft that chastened all airs,
I lived in a box which you buried out there,
Out in the hollows of the winds and rains,
I fear I was dead, before we became.

The thought
the thought of you dragging
a blade across your
wrist
it kills me.
The thought
the thought of you
taking your last breath
tears me apart.

you are too young and
beautiful to leave this world
you are too loved
to even think to leave

you remind me of the song
by lana del ray
the one that goes..
"will you still love me when
im no longer young and beautiful?"
yes yes i will

you tell me i am your big sister and
you look up to me
and not to cry because i am
too beauttiful,
now its my turn.

you are beautiful
you are loved. so please
wipe the tear off you
cheek, put the blade
down and come here
i love you
just remember the promises
we made eachother
that one day
we will be able to hold eachother
in our arms and
i can tell you how much
i love you.

because words dont
describe it enough, words cant
express the feelings
going through my body
i love you. x