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my vocabulary is not small
nor my imagination weak
but every time you seem to call
I find no words to speak
i always have
the urge to run.

but what is it like
to be a tree?

to be confident enough
to root yourself
and grow with
wild abandonment,
being unapologetically
you?

i'm still running,
but i wish i knew.
won’t you fight for me
when my heart calls out to you,
or will you ignore?
I regret
Not fighting enough for you
Because the clock's ticking
And wedding bells are ringing
I think we both know
it won’t be us in the end

And that’s okay.
We almost had it.
We tried.

But I will not apologize
for hoping.

And I am not sorry
that my heart is fond of you.

Sometimes love
isn’t enough.

But it won’t change the fact
that I loved you.
Some things don't work out. And it hurts. But that's life.
I've lost all pretense
my walls are wearing thin now
there's nowhere to hide
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
On a night so soft
With a cup of tea so warm,
I now understand that
Happiness can arrive
At such simple times
And in such a simple form.
(c) Ryan Kane 2019
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