I don't tell anyone what's going on in my head
I don't tell the people that crawl into my bed
Like newly weds,
Disconnected from reality, I'm still a little girl
I have yet to conquer or even build my own world
Take me back to the days; where ignorance was bliss
Because what I miss
Is running around a playground, not caring if I break a bone
In the end someone would always take me home.
But now I wonder,
It's not clear enough to ponder,
Where home really is.
Is it the colours I see in my reflection,
Or a book I'm forced to read?
But always,
Always in the end
I lose the need
For breathing

The whispers of the night hides my loneliness.
The shadows hide my emptiness.
Along with the loneliness they take my freedom.
They take my sanity.
Every bit that was left anyways.
I search for brighter days.
All I see is the rain.
As I watch the blood wash down the drain.
My wrist bleed.
I scream.
I fight.
I can't take one more night.
Nothing is right.
Forgiveness comes too easy to me.
I give and give.
But now I'm empty.
Nothing left to give.
So now I must leave this broken world.
God I'm gonna let it go.

She wasn't the kind of person
Who sobbed loudly.
No.
She was the kind of person
Who hid her tears from everyone.
Who cried late at night when
Everyone else was asleep.
Who had to grab her stomach
To hold herself together.
Who silently gasped for air.
Who had no one but the moon
To comfort her

have you ever felt
empty
have you ever felt
shattered
have you ever felt
wrong
9 days ago
I broke
9 days ago I decided that I wasn't worth it
I was shattered and empty and wrong
I woke up that day
I faked it so well
Laughed at work
Dressed up for a wedding
Then I sat in my hollow car
My thoughts echoing from window to window
I just needed to escape
my head
my car
my life
I couldn't fake it anymore
Antifreeze and sleeping pills
then it gets blurry
Hospital for a week
I don't want to say I attempted
because I failed
I am trying to be grateful for this second chance.
Waking up everyday
choosing to live
choosing to fight
Attempting was the most selfish
thing I have ever done
It wasn't for attention
I wanted to slip away
disappear
escape
fade
I am getting better
I am finding reasons to live
realizing that I am not nothing
I think life is worth it
It's going to get better

there can be several reasons for my silence
either i didn't sleep much last night
maybe i just don't have anything to talk about
i might be over analyzing things
maybe i'm upset, worried or scared
i could be falling apart inside
but most of the times it's just all of the above

*(s.m)

There is a bird here
with a broken wing.
It cants off to the left
drooping almost to the ground.
The feathers are oily,
shredding.

He hops around the base
all day, scavenging,
picking up things
here and there,
making a living.

I left for awhile
and came back.

He was still alive.

I thought he would've died
already.
That wing was so ugly.

I asked him how he'd made it.

He raised his head above his shoulders,
just like a king,
as he said to me:

"I am a bird
with a broken wing."


For a minute,
he stared at me,
then hopped off
with that broken wing.

Sometimes I forget for an instant
who we are.
In those moments where:
I hold your head in my lap and brush my hands through your hair.
You hold me captive against you under the freezing stream of water in the shower.
I watch the lights dance across your face as we drive through small towns late at night.
You stand behind me in the kitchen next to the stove, strewing kisses across my back,
my shoulders, my neck.

In those moments you are everything. You are mine.
And she doesn't exist.