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Charlie Smith Jun 2017
Thats the only word I can think of.
It's so funny how she helps me breathe,
Yet she is the reason my chest hurts.

So tell me, how does it feel to be
Adored by her? Do you smile when you
Wake up? You should, I would.

Does it feel like your blood is air,
And you could just float away
If someone blew?

I'll tell you how it feels to watch
Her adore feels like my blood
Is empty. But not like air.

Just hollow, so hollow I could sink
Into the earth and never be seen again.
It hurts to breathe.

I want to say its not fair, but she is so
Happy. So who am I to object?
I guess I'll never know how it feels
To be adored by her.
Charlie Smith Nov 2016
Don't you ever eat?

Of course I do!*

The hunger swirls in my stomach like pride.
I am strong. I am in control. I will be skinny.

But this isn't any ordinary wish,
A little voice in my head is telling me that
My bones should be my entirety.

Thinner thighs, arms, stomach. I will fade
Away till I am made of air; even then
It won't be satisfied.

But now I'm in too deep. I think I'm in
Control but I've lost it, and now I fear my mind
Is fading too.

Don't help me. Please.
Some people where born to disappear.
Just a first draft
Charlie Smith Aug 2016
There are monsters in my head,
I'm afraid they want me dead.
They scream and whisper in my ears,
filling my mind with unusual fears.

I feel everyone's eyes in my back,
I am no longer safe, I fear an attack.
They're poisoning you with their food.
Can't you see you're being used

Stop it! Leave me! I thrash about,
I would give my life just to have them out.
Just give in to us, then you'll see
No, you'll never get the best of me.
  Aug 2016 Charlie Smith
Almost Lover
Sitting in the floor
Pulling my hair
Surrounded by thousands of people
That are not really there.

I feel the bugs on my skin
The thoughts tell me to hang myself
I ask "When"?

Loud noises from the hollow
All in my head
Throwing up the pills I did not swallow.

Oh God, where are you now
I'm going crazy
I'm going to **** myself... Somehow

Wrote a note to my mom
I'm so sorry I said
Eight years ago
I'm still not dead.

Charlie Smith Jan 2016
Quiet, quiet.
Its following me around
Quiet, quiet.
Please god don’t make a sound.
Hush, hush.
Soon it will be here.
Now its getting near.

It lurks on every corner,
in every nook and crack.
In everything dingy,dark and dreary,
right behind my back.

It sits upon my shoulder
and whispers in my ear
then I finally realize,
it’s a figment of my fear.

But still I see it in the alleyways,
the darkened, lamp-less street,
in my bed at night time,
hidden beneath the sheets.

I feel it in the back of my mind
the place where no one goes.
I pray that it doesn’t find you too
or it will take control.
Charlie Smith Sep 2015
Lets play pretend
for one more night.
Lets not say goodbye
till it gets light.
Lets repeat all
our past mistakes.
Lets wait for
our hearts to break.

I do not love you
but it doesn't really matter.
I do not care so
both our hearts could shatter.
You perform your role
living our disgrace.
You fulfil your part
in your empty embrace.

Lets play pretend
for one last time.
Without reason
our lies are sublime.
Lets stay together
till darkness will rise
Lets be murderers
and become what we despise.
Charlie Smith Aug 2015
There are few people I care about
more than I do myself
and your on your way to becoming one
so you better cry for help
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