Pretty petty perfection,
Looking at my reflection,
Wishing for any form of validation
That my suffering means something.
My body burning, aching
From last nights purging.
Oh how much worse it could have been.
Going out of my way to seek attention
That I  desperately need
While not wanting it at the same time.
People judge,
But they do not see.
They don't see what's behind the suffering.
They don't see the burning
All over my body.
They do not see me crying myself to sleep every night.
They don't see me holding on to everyone tight,
In hopes that maybe they won't leave
Maybe it's a way of feeling better about myself,
To see how well I can hide so much pain,
But it's better to hide the mess in a closet
To appear clean

A thread and a needle
Can't stitch any deeper
Than you have gone
To my heart

Delusional conclusions
Fulfilled by hallucinations.
Chasing the shadows
Of your internal conflicts
Tricked by your own brain
That everyone is playing the game
Called your life,
Feeling as if you were going insane,
Not wanting to blame- no, believe-
Your own family
Has turned against you,
But the voice in your head
Keeps shouting,
Telling you your own kids want you dead
And you fed into your own demons
Because it's hard no to drown when
You're in a large body of shark infested water,
No matter how hard you fight to survive.

I like you,
but why do you like me?
I'm not pretty
Nor do I have an amazing personality.
I wanted it to be true that you liked me back
But I so badly don't want you to like
Someone who lacks
Any good qualities.
I mean, maybe it's the my insecurity,
But you could do much better than me

There are no words that I can describe my pain,
Besides fear, sheer helplessness
And bottled up pain and guilt
That was eating away at my soul
Until I couldn't bear it anymore.
Control slips through my fingers
Like grains of sand.
I tried to fight,
I really tried
Lying to myself that it was fine,
I couldn't let myself believe I was worth anything
So I ran to the bathroom scratching my throat
Regurgitating the pride I had once swallowed.
And a lump of coal I tried to hide

The pretty girls who spend hours in their room,
Counting calorie after calorie
As if each one was their last.
Shattering themselves into tiny peices
Until no one could pick up the glass
Of their broken ribcages
And crushed dreams
Wasting themselves away in order perfect

Hello thigh gap
As soon as you just about 2 weeks and 4 months away,
I was left astray,
Betrayed by my own delusion of beauty
And illusion happiness

Hello thigh gap
They say the apple doesnt fall far from the tree,
But I learned that didnt aply to me when I was three
Because I will never be like my mother

Hello thigh gap
I can't eat without beating myself up
I am such a mess
That I still can't fit in my old dress

Hello thigh gap
I want to be like those girls on tumbr
But im not even remotely skinny
Nor am I pretty

Hello thigh gap
I cant stand this self hate
Its my one fatal flaw
That might just be the end of it all