I'm only trying to love myself to make up for me hating me.
I hate the way I hate myself but i just cant escape from me.
Tell myself I'll get it right and I just gotta wait for me,
but me is getting tired, meanwhile I'm just waiting patiently.

Trying to give myself a vision, I'm just trying to make me see,
That happiness is bread and life could really be a bakery.
Got a sweet tooth and negativity is cake to me.
Everybody watching, they just copying and pasting me.

Take the key, I'm trying to lock my thoughts inside a safe with me.
Looking in a mirror just to let myself debate with me.
I just wanna love my life, living, learning gracefully
But how can I uplift myself when all my thoughts are weight to me?

Racing through infinity I'm standing with the Trinity.
Me, Myself, and I, that's a triangle full of enemies.
Me, Myself, and I, in me so tell me where would you hide?
You wanna hear some painful irony? I have to choose sides.

Because I stay fighting myself and hurting me like am I serious?
There ain't enough room in this one body for the three of us.
No we cannot comfort us. Yes it makes us furious.
Screaming to ourselves like, "is anybody hearing us?"

Self inflicted pain. On this shelf I sit in vain.
Telling me about myself cause no one else would think its sane.

With my eyes closed I'd let my hands roam across your skin, reading all your goosebumps like braille.
I'd listen to your body telling me how to respond, speaking with my hands in case my tongue and lips fail.

Nonverbal conversations because actions speak louder, and conversations getting crazy in these late hours.
Speaking yet not speaking. Kisses are breathtaking. Touching. Squeezing. Holding a conversation.

Nervous? I'm searching but i'm still uncertain. Think you can make this heart fulfill its purpose?
Beneath the surface I'm imperfect. Yet on the surface still imperfect. It makes no difference if we pull these curtains.

Let's leave them closed then and stay here. Lay here. Say we're in a race here, but i'm not tryna finish first...

Pillow talk and under covers with these conversations. Before I hit a home run i cover all my bases. ;)

Well it seems that all those days,
All those nights
They were worth it

You now bloom as a beautiful daisy
You look ever- lovely

Now you'll give smiles to everyone
And not just shine on me
I know that you're too beautiful,
For me to pick and keep

My days of watering you is done
I can sadly say I've lost the 'one'

There will be someone...
That'll be your 'sun'

I lost a part of myself
The day you walked away from me.
The part that loved,
The part that felt.

I used to love the bay where we watched the sunset,
now it's polluted with
sickly sweet people with their hands intertwined
with people they think they love.

We used to listen to John Mayer on the stereo
every night before we sleep,
I traced endless patterns on you bare chest,
your fingers tangled in my messy curls,
now I hate his songs because they remind of you,
so and so that they make me cry.

You used to take me to long drives
in midnight,
now you made me an insomniac who
wants nothing to do with the midnight
because it's when memories of you haunt me.

You took from me
A part I'm never getting back,
A part that took more than half of my being.
Because now I realized,
once you were gone,
I was also gone.

I keep telling myself that if I lay here long enough something's gonna swallow me and it's not because my heads been somewhere else lately it's because I sleep on the floor. Even when I don't. I sleep on the floor. The mattress has holes because mattresses get holes sometimes when you don't have blankets to cover them and you're too cold to put the cigarette out on anything other than yourself or what you have to sleep on now. Last year I'd spend every day in bed with a little bag full of drugs and a map to the bathtub just in case I forget what I took two seconds ago because I think it happened yesterday and I take more. And then I'm shaking, not because I'm cold this time. I'm seizing and nobody is home because everybody leaves me for preachers or church or a campfire or someone prettier. This part is foggy. I remember again a bathtub, an empty hotel bathtub and my mother and I say mama did you leave the door open on purpose and she says I went to church. She went to church. She went to church. Bathtub. I sleep there. Even though we are in a hotel I sleep in the bathtub because I like the way my anxiety sounds when it echoes. I like to hear it. Play it back. Memory. Back to the only house I've ever lived in alone.  I'm seizing. I stop. I hear you. I somehow forget that it's 4 in the morning. It's my birthday now, nobody knows but it's my birthday now, teen years behind me but still a teen year drug addiction and you tell me to look out the window so I do. And the sky's on fire. I don't fall asleep again for three days but the sky's on fire. And so am I. And so are you. And I don't want to go back to the place I go to when I see the faces but I put myself here. I push and push and push and then I act surprised when something falls off the edge. I'm alone now. Even when I'm not. I'm alone.

they're saying "all you do is drink and cry", "I think you're bad for everyone" and you're not saying anything and I'm saying I love you,
I ******* love you
And maybe I needed something to bring me back to reality maybe these bathtubs are always a little too deep for me but I fit so perfectly in small spaces because I learned when I was 14 that i was never gonna grow into a butterfly
but my aunt still calls me hers and I'd still flutter my eyelashes on yours while the earth turned to ash because I like things ending so softly
and you are a ******* miracle if I've ever seen one I want to sleep with you so badly, on a trampoline in the summer and I want to watch you do bad things and smile so sweetly at you and you'll know that I don't give a **** what you do as long as you're still loving me while you're doing it because baby we've got this one life and I've been loving you as long as I have known what love is and I know it's in the way you whisper and I know it's in the way you say you're my world and if the world stopped turning tomorrow we'd be the only things still moving with excitement you make me so nervous and calm and nervous and calm and deep breath you make me nervous I bet you'll make me nervous when we're older and I'm making you pancakes and I feel your eyes on me and I burn my fingers but you always kiss them better baby
you're an alleyway and the kitten that sleeps there
you're the rain on the windowpane and the water breaking the levee
I'm drowning in everything I have ever said to you so if I say one last thing one last thing,
while you're not saying anything,
I love you,
I ******* love you

We do not so much fall in love as we do into desperation.
While I am collapsing in on myself on the bathroom floor
trying to keep my own hands

from tearing me apart

you are tapping on the other side of the door,
whispering “It’s okay, please come out now.”

I am thinking about the way
you licked the lust off of my tongue

and it makes me sick.
I am thinking about the way
your fingers tightened around my throat
when I told you “I’ve never done anything like this before”
and I would give anything
to have the ability to rewind time,

go back to the moment before
I read your message, 

before I hit REPLY, 

before you drowned me 

in the delicious prose of your own sorrow,
before you unraveled my apathy 

with your bare hands 

and forced me to swallow it whole.
I am staring at my face in this ***** mirror
and I am drawing exes over my eyes
in the dust and the toothpaste splatter.
I am waiting for you to just give up.

I am waiting for you to leave me alone.

I am waiting for myself to gather the courage

to wash the tear-streaked makeup off of my face
and open the door,
walk away,

don’t say anything,
escape.

Someone asked me,
What ever did I see in him,
"He broke your heart,
Left you in two.
He has probably moved on by now,
It's time to focus on you."

I thought to myself,
"Well it's the way his eyes light up when I turn on the screen,
Or the way he sings me to sleep,
As the night pass,
And dawn comes on.

None of you could ever see it,
But I knew deep down,
Somewhere in there,
He did love me.
I don't need to prove it."

You used to be my muse,
For my masterpiece,
Now you're the sweet broken tune,
I sing,
as I fall asleep.

When I am seventeen I go a bit insane and I discover that the whole world is connected to me by strings and I don’t know if I control them or if they control me but I do know that I feel very enlightened and aware when I have not eaten for five days and I drink two pots of coffee a day to stay awake because the nights are still whispering all their darkest secrets and I know that there is a grid of cosmic light keeping everything in tact but why? I see God in the golden dust that exists within each and every one of us and it makes me want to tear out my hair and scream at the top of my lungs when you tell me you can’t find salvation, just look at yourself, look inward, look back, look ahead, look anywhere