I am losing myself into your eyes,
as if I'm lying in the meadow
and falling inside of the sky.
Gravity has no control over me anymore,
not since your touch freed me
from the chains that were holding me down,
and now I'm either flying
or drowning,
but what does it matter
when the only color I see is blue?
Reality has never felt this good.

I wish I could break out of myself,
and maybe from afar I could understand
everything that I am made of
and I could make sense of the shadows in my head,
because I can't see through the fog anymore,
and sometimes when I look in the mirror,
I don't recognize myself.
.Rock bottom hurts like hell
and I can barely see the way out.
Maybe running away isn't the answer,
but I wish I could do it.
Maybe that's what I've been doing all this time,
just running away from myself.
I'm too scared to sit still.
I'm too scared to catch up with myself.
I just want to be free.
Out, out, out.
I want out.

There's death in the air tonight,
and it's coming to take you, thick like smoke
that is leaking from the rusty faucet
of laughing ghosts,
who have known it all too well,
who can feel if flowing through their veins,
tingling like a swarm of flies,
taking over where blood once was.
Take a deep breath
and let it out,
don't allow it to touch your lungs
or you might find yourself screaming,
tearing your skin apart,
only to maybe be able to take them out.
The night has called them from below,
and now you hear death whispering ,
whispering,
embracing you with their angel-like wings.
You thought you'd run,
but you don't want to.
And the coldness suddenly feels like home.

“We fall in deep and never let go,
Pretending we’re supposed to be together,
Though i can clearly see
Your flesh falling apart,
And your veins pulsing their way out,
And your white skin
Turning gray.
Our love is molding,
And it’s spreading to our hearts,
But we keep saying it’s an illusion.
Illusions hurt, darling,
When they smother you at night,
And our necks are bruised,
And our lungs are sore.”

You speak of things that cannot be seen and your lungs fill  up with smoke.
It's been a while since I could see your face,
through all the thoughts and the words
that float around,
making a cloud
meant to scare people away.
I'm not scared. I can hear your voice.
I can see your light and the sparks you make
by trying to set yourself on fire, but don't you know
fire never killed the sun
and the night never gets lost in darkness.
In a room with no soul, the voices come and play
in echoes and in whispers,
and then you start to speak aswell.

You were fire
and I was water,
always trying to tone you down
always a little behind you,
cleaning up the mess you made
with your flames and your wrath.
But I couldn't breathe through the smoke anymore
and I fell to the ground,
tired and lost.
When I opened my eyes,
you were gone,
and the only thing left
was a pinch of ash from the part of my heart
you burned out.
The worst thing is,
after all this time,
it's still a little bit warm.

And I'll learn to hold my pen tighter,
to make my words larger,
to paint my colors brighter,
gazing at the moon harder,
with my face paler,
like the sun has never met me.
And the stars will fall lower,
closer and closer to my heart,
trying to pierce through it
and set my soul free from this cage of flesh and blood,
when all it wants is to swim
deeper and deeper
into the waves of the sky
that is staring back at me every  night.
And if the ground shall claim me,
holding me back with its roots,
space dust shall come
and take me home-
a home where limits are foolish
and eternity rules above our meek eyes,
shadowed by the fog of human superiority.
And the curtains shall rise
and in the midst of the show,
I might find myself floating through millions of lives
I never asked for.
I only wished
to know my place.
I only wished
not to want to be saved,
for once.

There was once this boy I knew.
He had love on his lips,
but his tongue spelled deceit,
and when I tasted the poison,
it was too late.

There was once this boy I knew.
He danced with the stars
and made my heart beat to his rhythm,
but when my own tempo was found,
they didn't match.

There was once this boy I knew.
He could light up all my dark corners
with a glimpse of his smile,
but the trouble was, between us,
there were no words, nor his, nor mine.

There were once three girls I knew.
They chased lies, looks and illusions,
and craved affection like it was ******.
But they all died.

And now here I am, a blend
of all the boys I knew
and all the girls I've been,
and I'm trying to make peace
with the fact that it's just me now.

And it's starting to feel right.

I'd rip out all the stars in the sky
and leave it bare,
just to write you the poem you deserve,
with their everlasting glow and my benighted hands.
Because the darkness
had never been banished so swiftly,
as when I saw you
and you saw me.
Please keep a song of me in your heart,
as I'll keep your smile and this moment,
as I'll think about it too often,
too long.

And wouldn't it be divine,
if we found each other
on a starless night?

I built sand castles,
hoping to impress a boy
who watched the stars as a hobby.
I brought him roses,
while he was dreaming of other worlds
and I held him tight,
when his eyes were set on the sky.
I was an earthling
who tried to love him
with my flesh and my bones
and my feeble mind,
binding him to the ground like roots.
But he kept looking up.
He wished for a star,
he wished for the light that
my flawed insides couldn't bring.
So I ripped out all his chains.

Sometimes, I hear him at night,
his whispers echoing into the sky.
But my curtains are drawn.

I was banished from that kingdom
long ago.

A crumble of dust in your mind:
that's all I wish to be,
to move around and wander,
to fit into every unpolished crack,
and perhaps find a place for myself.
As an astronaut might feel
in the infinite vastness of space:
belittled and feeble,
but spellbound,
even in the darkest spots
that might drag him to his perish.

Let us burn,
for we were not meant to be saved,
for we were not meant to rise back up,
ever again.
So we've fallen,
so fallen we remain:
foresaken as a fate,
fearless as a choice.
We roam the earth,
we watch the stars,
we let them stare back with imposing shine,
for when the time comes,
they all fall.
And us, we multiply.

Crawl beneath my shadow,
and I'll crawl under yours;
two lost souls with wings
that once flew too high, too close.
Our feathers burnt to ashes,
our bodies hit the ground,
now we're cursed and banished,
now each other's all we have.

I resemble the moon only when it's ******,
when it turns the night into
something else altogether,
an ode to the fallen stars.
I do not have the light it usually gives out,
so I sink into darkness ,
until my blood can drip again.

In one year,
I've wandered around like the seasons,
in search of a place to let my scars
turn golden.
My blood has freezed, and now
I'm carrying ice-bergs in my tired veins.
I am a product of fog and dust,
slowly becoming invisible
and unsettling.
Not even the moon could reach out to me
anymore,
for I've sunk so deep into darkness,
its light would die here.
There's a different king of living in this land,
all marked by agony and madness,
and grim laughs that terrorize human souls,
whispers that play with their minds.
I've reached the end,
the cruel end,
and now,
there's nowhere to go.

I see you, Winter,
creeping through cracks,
slipping innocent snowflakes out and about.
I know you, Winter,
and your icy touch and your frosty flowers.
You fooled me with beauty
that happened to be deadly,
just a year ago.
I'm not falling for it now, Winter,
don't you dare bring to me
another pair of sparkly eyes
that shall freeze me
in only a few words.
Do not show yourself with tasty lips,
blowing icy winds into my mouth.
Let's make peace, Winter,
and enjoy ourselves,
this time around.

Please come back, September,
'cause it's cold and it's dark,
and I feel like corpses are rising behind my back
and this whole world is our own,
personal tomb.
I know I banished you, September,
for my icy heart thought
I'd make a rope out of your leaves
and tie it around my neck
in a knot.
I bellow and I cry, September,
have mercy on my poor soul,
don't let it crawl through snow
that might cover me up completely
and oh, so, so deeply.

I plunged into the abyss,
knowing full well I could never see
my dear, dear sky ever again.
But sometime during the fall,
I saw light;
and it was coming from me.
Perhaps,
that's how stars are born.

There's so much more out there,darling:
days of sun and warmth,
without his face,
without his presence.
There're meadows of freedom
from chains that had you so trapped,
you forgot you wanted to escape.
Yes, he's gone,
and that simple fact provokes no tears,
for, more importantly, the one who's back
is you,
in your full and newly recognized splendor.
You're a masterpiece darling,
and he's not the artist.

Sure,leave,
there's nothing left to do.
All words have been shouted,
all hope has been lost,
all tears have been cried.
Take your roses and burn them.
They don't keep me warm anymore.

Hello, beautiful autumn.
You're spilling all over the ground,
in shades of agony,
in shapes of past lives.
I wish I could hold you together, autumn,
but you're slipping through my fingers,
in drops and shadows.
The sky seems to be mourning
the loss of a year,
and clouds are turning and rolling,
restless and thick,
blocking us in.
Rain wishes to become crystals
of magnificent beauty
that is so short lasting,
it captivates with its innocent fragility.
I'm waiting to be covered by snow,
dear autumn,
for I'm numb and nothing feels warm anymore.
So I think you should go.

I'm not asking for the Sun,
just a ray of blissful warmth would suffice.
I'm not asking for a star,
just a little sparkle would be enough.
I'm not asking for the moon,
just a bit of space dust's all I need.
I do not want your whole heart,
for I would not know what to do with it,
each beat spreading my anxiety.
All I wish for is one of them,
just one heart beat missed
for me,
and I'd forever be yours.

And sometimes,
you find yourself devoid of all covers
and make-pretends,
and you finally see yourself,
as you are.
And it's beautiful
how peaceful you can become,
when you let go of the characters
you're trying to play.
And you let yourself speak,
and you let yourself revel in silence
and treasure it.
And you find your sea of tranquility.
And you dive in.

Hello, once again, dear stranger.
I know I said I'd never turn your volume down,
but it's grown to torture me
with reminders that
I can't ever have you.
I must confess, I can't take it anymore.
I'm sorry, dear stranger,
I wish I was for you,
but there's nothing crueler
than watching you from afar,
so now I have to go even farther,
to keep myself away
and safe.
Good-bye for now, restless stranger.
I'll keep you in my heart.

Good morning, beautiful.
Isn't that how you used to start my day?
Every word a love letter
addressed to me.
I foolishly thought to be in control,
when I was just hanging by a sound
of your voice.
"Please forgive me"
is not  what I'll remember,
but rather the conviction
"I can't do it anymore."
"Good-bye,my love."
is what I've been saying for so many months,
but somehow
it never hits its target,
so I've made a lullaby of it.
At night, it's all I sing.

Hello, restless stranger.
May I tell you
you're a work of art?
I've never seen anything like it.
Your movements, your body,
they feel unreal,
synchronized with a beat
that my heart's too untrained to sense.
But your mind's the masterpiece:
all sparks and music and space dust,
with a touch of darkness,
with a touch of sorrow.
I've been watching you, stranger.
I can't help but do it.
You light up my imagination
and you're wonder to my eyes
and I must confess,
I'm fascinated and completely mesmerized.
I know you're not for me, stranger,
and I promise not to tell,
but I'd keep you on repeat forever,
were you to be mine.

Hi there, darling.
Haven't seen you in years.
Each of us have been searching for something
or someone.
I can tell we've found people,
and that they all left.
We've grown and we've changed
and you don't recognize me anymore.
But it's alright, I've moved on.
I guess we were too young for each other
and maybe
a bit too different.
Perhaps one day we'll meet on the bus
and our earphones will tangle up
and our music will merge together
and we'll find sparks of memories
in each other's eyes.
And perhaps my words with your guitar
will make a song of our own.
If not, I've got your smile pierced in my heart.
It shall stay there for long,
I promise.

Hey there, lover,
I've seen you in my dreams
and my heart hasn't slept since,
in fear of getting hooked up on you;
but even in insomnia,
she can't escape.
I want you around, lover,
but one of us will have to get hurt,
and it can't be me again.
You'd better run, lover.
I'm not who I used to be,
now I bite and I scratch,
and  I make sticky webs,
and you wouldn't want to get caught up in them.
Farewell, lover,
I'll pay you a visit
when I can't fall asleep.

A voice is calling my name,
from fogged surroundings,
begging me to come.
My legs are led into pitch
and I dive in deep,
oblivious to my own decline,
into a continuous darkness of self.
The voice still bellows,
with newly found screams,
and mean eyes gaze at me,
glowing with satisfaction.
I am eaten out alive by the unknown
and going back is not an option.

I let myself sink into you,
not once regarding warnings
of storms and wrecks.
I pass them by,
being certain the fall shall hurt.
But why should I care?
I'm hopeless and I'm cursed
and I'd rather drown into your waters
than dry up completely
on the shore.

We are creatures born from fog,
each of us emerging from musty pasts,
doing our best to hide them,
and breathe in mystery,
and breathe out sin.
We make our way through smoke,
never asking what our path is,
but floating in a daze,
to a destination unknown.
There is no light at the end of this tunnel,
there is no clean air.
Our souls have become shadows;
you can see them lurking
from behind symbols of misery.
We are the people of darkness,
we are the ones you fear,
we steal dreams
and bring about nightmares.
We share our home with death itself,
in its purest form.

I gracefully turn myself mad,
jotting emotions
that could cut me raw,
while bowing to whispers of fog.
I can't contain monsters of cranky reality,
knocking, knocking,
BANGING
at my door.
There's folly floating in the air,
filling up my lungs.
I shall succumb to it,
or else suffocate.

You have no idea what goes on in my mind:
thousands of flying insects,
buzzing,
biting at my brain,
spreading darkness,
and dots and dots and dots
of agony.
I'm spotted and I'm haunted
by sounds of the world below.
Madness turns me into pieces,
it eat me out alive,
it makes me bow my head down
on dirt,
and the dirt starts climbing up.

Such an oddity:
not to feel anything at all.
One cannot describe the emptiness
that makes you fall into yourself,
desperately trying to fill a gap
that is designed for hollowness.
Should my heart stop,
I wouldn't know,
for it already it
half dead
and half invisible.

You never gave me a second thought.
I know that.
Meanwhile, I can't stop writing about you
in the emptiest moments of the night,
when nothing else tortures me more.
You have no idea
what you've unlocked inside of me.
You can't possibly know
what you've done.
I'm burning down to ashes
and I'm coming back to life every time.
You were my first fire.
You didn't care if I'd revive.

I could never doubt my soul
under a clear night sky;
not when stars are calling my name,
not when the moon watches over me
motherly.
I belong to them and the dark
and to light, piercing thick pitch.

I must be benighted,
for nothing engulfs me
quite like the night sky.
I must be a cosmic creature,
for nothing empowers me
quite like the sight of stars.
I must be out of this world,
for nothing feels familiar
quite like the moon.

Should I dare
Should I dare
Should I dare break through,
shatter glass
fall apart
awake brand new?

Should I risk
Should I risk
Should I give my soul,
carelessly
hopefully
show my all?

Should I dare
Should I risk
I shall fall.
Should I not,
**** my soul,
don't let it crawl.

I tried my best to breathe in words,
to cry out ink,
to float like paper.
I spilled my blood
for a bit of passion,
for a bit of essence.
All I've done is rip out pages,
drain my soul
and bring about ghosts.
Perhaps I've lost my calling.
I might've lost it all.

Trying not to tumble and crush,
I give my all
to walk this thin line
between madness and balance,
between ill and sane.
Most days,
I want to spread my arms
and let strong winds
drag me to the ground.
One day,
I'll shut my eyes
and let myself go.

Mutters, mutters, mutters.
Oh, where are my words?
What hiding have they found
when I need them the most?
My mouth moves in vain,
my eyes roll aimlessly;
I have become half dead,
I stroll around carelessly.
May my poor soul revive,
May my gaze once again rise,
May I find parts of me
that I have lost down the line.

Whether or not I shall be forgotten
is of no importance to me,
but I want my words
to conquer the realms of time
and forever live on someone's lips
or through someone's thoughts.
I hope to enforce them with
everlasting light,
so they can serve as a beacon
in other's benighted worlds.

I'd never thought I would wake up
and my first thought wouldn't be you.
But I had tottered
and I had fallen
with your face before my eyes
for far too long.
On my way up,
I could not recognize it anymore
and mornings no longer
knew of your existence.

Don't leave me wondering,
crushed by question marks,
wildly searching for answers.
Don't clothe me with doubts
and strip me of certainty.
Should you go,
attack me with reasons first,
until I'm cut open,
so I can avoid
the depths of wonder.

Were I to chase the light,
I could never turn back,
not to darkness,
not to shadow,
not to any breath left untaken.
There is no end,
there is no limit.
There are only whispers
lighting flames into my head.
I might never reach it,
but every fallen star
has its own everlasting presence.

I let my  hair bow to the slow wind of hope;
I let my words fall like auburn leaves on paper;
I let my soul dare to believe
in life,
in serenity,
midst universal death.
I took the plunge
I fell head first
ready to graze harsh concrete,
but I rose.
My flight has just begun.

Coming down to earth was never an option,
when stars are winking,
urging me to them.
Don't worry,
I shan't ever look down in longing,
for I have only just taken off.
Now the time must surely be
for rising.

I'm counting down to madness,
I'm counting down to being still,
I'm collecting drops of sadness;
they crawl within
and make me ill.

I'm living on a prayer,
having never known God,
I'm reaching out for heaven,
when burning fire's all I've had.

So I caress my pitch black wings,
patiently gazing at the sky,
while being poked with sticks and twigs
attached to hands of people
that think demons shall never fly.

Sweet uncertainty
was something I had to feed my body off of,
when there was nothing else to hold on to.
Everything was colorful,
for my eyes were trained to see signs
of soon-to-be-lives.
Now, when the only thing I've got
is the definite stain of ink on paper,
life is gray.
And gray is my favorite color.

Have you been able to look yourself in the eye
lately?
Or has darkness taken over
your vision?
You think you're seeing monsters,
but they're just mirrors.
They don't go away when she sun
comes up.