You've got stars in your eyes
And dew drops on your cheeks
You wake every mornin'
At a quarter to three
In a valley somewhere
You decided you needed to be

And you never call me
But I still hear your voice
Like ghosts on a stairwell
Just making noise
And I cannot let myself dwell

Cause if I stay too long
I just might drown
in the space you left
In the chatter around
My heart beats in time
To the records you played
But I'm still all alone
At the end of the day
Unless you can count your ghost

Anorexia was the most attentive
Girlfriend anyone could ask for
And I fell hard for her
I fell for for 500 calories a day,
The sense of control it gave me
Compliments from girls I'd never talked to before
Doctors so pleased that I was finally "healthy"
That feeling,
Of stepping on the scale
And realizing that I took up less space
Than when I'd stepped on the day before
The feeling of water hitting an empty stomach
The hunger pangs
That secretly thrilled me
The thrill of the lies
The ones that became ever so easy
To slip off my tongue
The thrill of a secret love affair with death
I fell for an abuser
I fell...
Literally
Bruises lined my body
From bumping into walls
Because my body was so
Malnourished I couldn't
Walk down a hallway
Fell down a rabbit hole-
Fell down into a world I couldn't escape-
Thigh gaps, thinspiration, tips and tricks to
Hide this wonderland in your head
Walking headfirst into Anorexia was like walking
Into a haunted house
It's fun and exhilarating at first
It's a game, it's harmless
And then you realize that the doors
Are barred and it dawns on you
That ringing the doorbell of death
Was not the best idea
I am a study in skinny does not make you happy
The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
Turns to 10
Turns to 20
Turns to...
I am a study in
Every inch of your body being a warzone
Of standing in front of a mirror
Seeing nothing but a piece of meat
Taking up too much space
I am a study in calculation
I am a study in lying
I am a study in not dead, but not alive
I am a study in starvation
I am a study in falling out of love

My mother never taught me anything?
Her soul was gentle
Never treated my body as a shameful object
I was not told to wear another layer
For shoulders were distracting
My ******* were not caged
Because they were mine and I loved them
And how could loving yourself be wrong?

My father never taught me anything?
His arms never held shut doors
So that my short skirt could not get through
I asked if I looked beautiful
He would always tell me so
Not throw me a pair of pants and demand I change
I smiled at my reflection
Why would he change that?

Parents can teach you only so much
Math, science, English, manners
But to love your body
The parts people shame you to cover
Is the best thing a young girl could ask

Let go of the vile feeling inside
Allow the hooks in your skin to rip through
Let them bleed for awhile
Knowing your scar only proves victory
If your head sways let it hang low
But do not drop it
For it is your biggest successor
If your heart beats too fast
Like a machine gone wild
And your eyes tear up
From the cold breeze coming in
Put on another layer
Breathe a little deeper
Be safe inside your skin

bad influence, yes, I know
in a dark, eerie, isolated parking lot is not where I am supposed to be at
staring at a cars ceiling, hallucinating is not how I imagined spending my night
bad influence, yes, I know
but my adrenaline is pumping and I can't help but yearn for one last taste
the heat is rising and I can't help but at your body in awe, stare
bad influence, yes, I ******* know
but I can't hold back this desire for more
because for once in this redundant & bland lifetime I feel like I'm living and not *just breathing