What if there was another way,
to pass on these raw feelings inside,
not to just pass away,
but to find some way to confide.
I do not want to die by my hand,
but the act I know will shock you,
but I want to continue to stand,
while getting these thoughts through.
I am to great to destroy myself,
at least that is what I always lie,
but if there was a third option,
I would take it rather than to die.
But for now these thought will lie,
ripping at my skull and ribs,
constantly filling our conversations with an ad-lib,
While wanting to break and cry.
I will lash out as the pain erupts,
I cannot control it, although there is regret,
why can I not get over it?
So I will tear myself up inside,
I will not speak, too much pride,
I will have a facade which you will see,
but it is never actually me.

If you have someone important in your life, don't let them go,
If you love someone, let them know,
Life's most important things go unsaid.

Please don't be afraid to tell me
capture my foggy gaze
but don't worry about the haze in front of my eyes
they put it there
think of it as a blanket
covering the warmth inside

but wait
don't think of me worth
for every time they ignored my calls
I cried
let them sink into my pores
ravage everything inside
I lost

please don't be afraid to tell me what you see
I know your words are gentle, and free
I wish if only mine could
impair the cell bars
restraining everything I wish
tear the silence
and let me
for once be
happy
but I know just no

please don't be afraid to approach me
shake my shoulders or
brush past
because you rise above us all
conquer everything
I know I would never last

please don't be afraid
I'm worth a speckle of sand
in an endless earth miles long, miles high
I'm nothing
don't you understand

O beautiful
was the werewolf
in his evil forest.
We took him
to the carnival
and he started
crying
when he saw
the Ferris wheel.
Electric
green and red tears
flowed down
his furry cheeks.
He looked
like a boat
out on the dark
water.

you say you're hurt
yet, you keep on cutting

you say you're isolated
yet, you keep building walls

you say they hate you
yet, you've already killed them all in your head

you say they don't understand
yet, you show no signs

you say you want to change
yet, you do nothing about it

you say you'll go far away
yet, you don't know it is always like this

you say you'll be an artist
yet, you only paint in red

you say you can't wait to live
yet, you're already dead

I looked for you in my lucid dreams
that were more fulfilling than the ******* filled day
I dragged my lifeless body through
I searched for what felt like an eternity
and even though I had control of my dream
I had no control over whether or not you loved me

The sun shone down on my pale skin
and comforted me until the warmth turned to heat
which left me suffocating, waiting for you to give me breath again
I mapped out hopes for our future
named our unborn children
and yet when I found you you were in the arms of another
and all you had to offer me was one simple shrug

It's true; oh too true
That first day you really kissed me you might as well have picked me up
and shoved me into the dark corners of the back pocket on your jeans
It only took you one instant to make me unconditionally yours
It should be a sin for someone to have that kind of power

Now, years have passed since that day I still remain in your pocket of purgatory
Loving you unconditionally, but questioning if you are truly mine
You have shown me love, but on our worst days I could have sworn I saw a flicker of hate beneath

In my fantasies you are making love to me; your hands gripped on my burning skin
you leave a whisper on my neck; an affirmation of your want and promises
But then I opened your computer to hoes who get ****** hard
and I turned on your phone to messages from her

I want to believe but my eyes have been seared with images of women who I am not
and who you seem to desire more

a cycle of distrust
a moment of weakness
and yet I still have hope that one day we will be old and in love,
sharing a meal at the most secluded table we can find in the Luby's on S. MacGregor Way

beware when you fall in love
with an artist
be it a painter, a singer, or poet

for the artist will
paint you
with strokes and hues
in shapes of every kind

sing about you
with heartbreak lyrics
and feelings which rhyme

write about you
with the simplest words
and a secret message she wants to say

beware of the artist,
and her love
one wrong move
and you're an artwork in her display

Anorexia
is the most deadly mental disorder
and maybe that is why
I tell myself I am fat,
maybe the reason I cry
when I look in the mirror
is because there is
110 pounds
too much of me
95 pounds
too much of me
80 pounds
too much of me,
I will not be content
until there is no weight left to lose,
until this skin is turned cold
and falls off my body,
I will be
counting the ribs you can see
on my corpse.
I will make myself smaller
and smaller
and smaller
until there is nothing left
to take away.