Making the most of my day
Riding back and fourth from station's
139 poems wrote
But the route never changes
Blasting pop punk anthems to get me by
Instead of dwelling in my room furthering connection with the outside
On mission with no destination
To find the people or place that feels like home
A community found when the lights go down and the band  starts to play
My 140th poem wrote on the same bus heading the opposite way
Slightly less lost

Peace isn't all its cracked up to be
Maybe we're peaceful and that's why nothings getting done
Just a pile of cards in order
Ready to be played
Terror is fed from the hand it was delt
And the dealer made a choice for  all of us
Maybe he was counting cards

No matter now great your embrace
I can't allow you to get a hold again
Lift me to great heights
Then let go and break me

If I had it figured out
I'd help you with your own answer

She says he's Siamese
I swear to god I've seen him read
The newspaper that layers his floor
It tells him the enemy and let's him know the saviour
He's learning humanities faults and failures
I can hear the cats talking loudly late at night in there native tongue
Debating if this is the place to be
There only evidence is the propaganda forced into where they sleep

I've spent a year trying to find myself
And I still haven't checked behind the couch
They say the hardest parts reversing
But I find ease in loosing ground
Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough
But my mind's filled with the same amount of optimism as doubt
I'm just a sum you'll never properly work out
The irony
In you'll find it in the last place you'll look
So I checked my old CDs because they always gave a ****
Follow a track list to a simplified time
Where my only crime
Was listening to songs about the devil and a realist life

I hate to see you down there at the bottom of the pool
I'll breath for you
I'll keep you on my shoulders if the pressure gets too much
We can go swimming
I'll take that risk for you
Add salt to the wound
Like stubbing your toe a thousand times
Your goggles are filling up
Your eyes are red
But for you it's a lovely shade
I always said you could pull off any colour
Take your mind off stuff
Focus on kicking your legs and staying afloat
We're at a gym or some kinda swimmingming pool
Guess I'm neither brains or brawn
Or whichever way it's said  
I'll take you swimming
We'll do whatever you want too
We could go dancing
I've got two left feet but you're always right
There's no other person's feet I'd rather set on in a slow dance
I'll take that risk for you
Break all my toes so you don't have too.

To love is to abandon fear
But I'm so scared to let my only consistence go

The distance from my side of the bed used to be too far
But now we're sleeping separately miles apart
Fall to sleep to the smell of detergent
Rather than my scent upon your sheets
I know we both did wrong
But I wish the best for you now.

I woke early today
I finally opened my window
Pulled apart the curtains that hung so perfectly
Better than I ever could
Take a deep breath
And let some air in
I saw the light I've been craving
Since summer left
Me suffocating
By default
You became my stepping stone
To get me closer to the sun
Just sit back and watch me grow
No longer will I wilt under your overbearing knock off glow

I'll plant a seed
This is the turning of new leaf's
I won't sink into the ground again
Drowning in wet soil
I'll remain
Following the vine deep down to the roots
Cast aside
The earth
That covered these open wounds
Burried so long
In far too familiar
Unmarked tombs
Plant a new seed as soon as you need
It's never too later to start again

Death is just eternal darkness, so I guess I'll stick around finding the light in the darkness however unoften it may come around

I watch your razor blade float across the water
With the scissors resting on the faucet
But the only thing that cuts deep
Are the thoughts in my head that never leave
I lay dorment til the water gets cold, sometimes fall asleep because I normally don't
Some of my best works have been scribbled down on wet sheets
I used to try wash everything away
Wishing it went down the drain like water
But now all I need is a pen and a few sheets
And I'll feel cleansed again

A safe place I made
Was a place where I could rest my head
And watch repeats of old TV shows from my bed
But quickly that dream became stale
Instead of escaping through vents
Dark thoughts circled my head  searching for a release
Soon what I loved was no longer my friend

I'd write you a poem but I don't think the words I conjure would do you any justice
So I'll send you "a good morning"  before I sleep
Just so you don't wake to nothing.

I'm sorry I have a outburst of a cry
In some of the posts and status I write
I'm scared to admit that I need help
But my brain subconsciously sends waves in vessels down to my finger nails
To hint that I need saving
If someone puts the Peices together
It's not attention I'm craving
Just an open hand
Instead of a fist clenched so tightly
I can form the words
spout water from my lungs  
And tell you I'm drowning
But when you ask what's wrong
How do I explain when I have no idea myself ?
I guess this isnt exactly what I imagined progress to look like

Imagine being blind
And someone comes along into your life and fills all the categories you've been lacking
For you to one day gain the miracle of sight
And no longer love that person
Because what you see with your eyes
A  mere reflection of light
Blinded from what's on the inside

My redemption started
as I opened my eyes to the new morning sun shine
My eye lashes looked like forrest fires
If I squinted hard enough
As orbs of light danced from the corner of my eyes
Deep breaths and morning sigh's
Captured far too overwhelming familiar smells of home
I realised the days where getting brighter
And I no longer needed the light I hung onto so tightly
The weather was so often used as an excuse to not get out of bed
But then again I'm still sat at my window trying to find the motivation to do it all again

Love once sacred
Taken from my heart
And betrayed
Stabed several times in the back
And left to bleed

I Keep being weak and checking your socials onece or twice a week
Just to watch my moods drop from highs to lows
I don't know what makes me look back
I guess it's the memory of being loved to blame for that