I am bending in the wind,
I am cracking at the roots,
Drowning in old reboots.

All I know is what I don’t want,
But all I do want is to be proven wrong.
Introduce me to a different song.

I am blending into the trees,
No longer recognized by thee.
Barely floating with my head above sea,
Bearing anchors on each my ankles.

All I can see is who I used to be,
fragments of what once was, just bleeding at the seams.
Just trying to march to my own beat, but finding it easier to flee.

So I go swimming with the fishes.
Everything quiet, everything at peace.
Once easily deceived by shadows of wishes that would never be.
Now only one shark is left swimming at sea.

I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction
My life is a cluttered mess
I feel too much emotion and I start to second guess
I'm stubborn, hard headed
And over-sensitive at best
My tongue moves too fast
But my mind moves too slow
The words that escape become an unfriendly foe
The layers begin to crumble and the doors begin to unfold
I always ruin everything, leaving nothing to hold
I don't know which way to go or where I'll be at next
I have a lot to get off my chest but my mind needs some rest
The words I try to say aren't the ones I really meant
This is all just one giant mess

I'm stubborn and clumsy
Not just with my actions,
With my words
I'm sensitive and sweet
But I'll play your words on repeat
I love like a sunset
But am sad like the moon
Surrounded by stars
But still alone in a crowded room
Half way to Mars

If I had to pick two colors, I'd have to pick black and gold
The way you laughed, the way you spoke
You beam colors,
Black and gold
No matter where I go you're somewhere in my soul
I don't know why I can't let you go
Millions of miles apart
Still the color changes in my heart
Black and gold
It wasn't just a kiss with his hands down her waist and hips
"I love you, I can explain this"
Down with this ship.
Shattered to a million pieces
No more amends and peaces
Now my heart feels empty, my heart feels black
Trapped with all the things I lack
Your love made me erode
And if our love had two colors
They'd be *black and gold

The roses you once planted in my soul
Grow thorns everywhere I go
They say it takes 21 days to kick a habit
But they must not have met you
For you are more than just an absence
You demand to be felt
And I'm sorry about the ****** cards we were dealt
They say it takes 21 days to kick a habit
21 days and you're not an addict
But still you melt my heart like acid
And I still don't know what happened

I'll celebrate today
Like I'm meant to stay
I'll laugh and play
Along, accepting broken praise
Please still know
I'll be thinking of you, my favorite foe
Surrounded by faces and voices
But still I miss your noises
Shouldn't want to spend my time with you
Shouldn't give in to your deception
With you, I always make an exception
It started with a stumble
Suddenly I was falling in with your rubble
Just a fragment of your heart
A sliver of your chest
Whatever happened to the rest?
Happy birthday to me
And all I should be
But still I'm wishing
I could be celebrating with thee

They say they see a light
Deep in my tired eyes
A spark still inside
Waiting to ignite
But still I feel so little
Like I'm lost and stuck in the middle
My flowers can't bloom
Trapped in a golden tomb
I need the sun
For the daisies to grow in my lungs
I need the sun
For the sunflowers on my tongue
I can't remember how I got this far
I've been lost for months, weeks, maybe days
Lost in your trance
Stuck in a daze
Your eyes tell a story
One your mouth can't convey
Never having the right words to say
I disappeared in your quiet eyes
For they have nothing to hide
But won't you please show me
The way back
To my
Quiet light?

You're still messing up my days
Ever since you went away
Your existence leaves a haze
Months, even days
Still your presence seems to stay
I lay and I wonder,
Who could you possibly be under?
As the rain started to fall
Mother Nature began to thunder
I could feel it all start to crumble
I miss the way our hearts would brush
I miss your fingers and their touch
I miss the way our breathing would sync
Our hands could always find their way through the sheets
Do you brush her hair while you lean down and stare?
Does she make you laugh when your days aren't fair?
Do you think of my eyes and skin?
Do you miss my embrace and my frame, so very thin?
Or was I just a pit stop down the road?
You, I may never decode
Instead I watched you erode
Slowly unravel and become new
The boy with the smile of blue
A stranger before me, someone I would never know
Still I can't help but wonder
About the boy without a number
The boy who was quite the jumper
The innocent boy who smiled of blue
The innocent boy who left
for something new

You didn't just "kick me while I'm down"
You kicked me down a hole and buried me in it
Now I have to figure out how to breathe with dirt in my lungs and
cold hands around my neck-
choking me with words
you
never
said

Love is a blinding trance
It puts a haze over your judgement
The clouds make it hard to see
All the things that aren't meant to be
You find someone who makes it hard to breathe
Then they turn you around and make you someone you weren't meant to be

But this love is more than an infatuation
It's a serious addiction
But in our hearts we like to believe that the love we feel is very real
Thinking your love is one of kind
That this continuous addiction is all that love could ever be

But when we finally let go
It hurts everyday
They cross your mind all the time
You hear a song and you begin to cry
You hear their name and you feel a tug at your heart
You think you just can't make it, like you're back at the start
All you want to do is hear their voice and feel their touch

But you're stuck missing them
Smoking a little too much
Drinking straight from the bottle
Wishing you'd forget about them tomorrow

So you follow back down that same old road
The road you've travelled along for so very long
You made one little call
And you're right back up there about to fall

I live in a distant fantasy
I play the role as whoever I awake
You see, the reality I lead is something I can't shake
I stand in slow motion while the rest of the world keeps spinning
Unsure of who I am or where's the beginning
Feelings only lukewarm
Surrounded by a catastrophic storm
Opening umbrellas inside
'Cause I can't seem to escape the rain
Resisting all the grudges and the pain
I never understood the mantra "fight or flight"
'Cause I was never one for confrontation
And I've never been ready for the departure
I've only been one to wait and harbor
So here I lay atop a bed of flowers
The dark cloud hovering above begins to shower
Watering every plant and every seed
Blossoming a new path from my lonely tower
Everyone knows there's beauty in a storm
*But nobody ever tells you what it's like to be so worn

She loved him like roses
She radiated light and heaven
Waiting for the stress to lessen
She liked to stay in the dark
Refusing to feel a spark
Always reaching for something broken
Her dreams never meant to be woken
He always did the same
Making himself impossible to claim
Radiating contentment and clarity
But still he was haunted and alone in the dark
I always appreciated his sincerity
He was nothing short of a king
How he'd enter a room and the girls would sing
Still he remained clueless to his charm
Always humble, afraid of causing harm
She ran and ran after the king
Incredibly impossible to seize
He wore his heart tucked away
Locked in a lonely box, meant to lay and decay
Hidden from every touch
Can't you see all the roses growing from your chest?
Can't you feel the thorns,
When you try and catch your breath?
She loved him like roses
Always beautiful,
Always sharp with her proposes

From the beginning of time she was kissed by the sunlight
But even the moon sought love from such an unexpected muse
For she beamed of life and beauty during the day
But haunted in the shadows
Playing with fate every chance she could get
How could the moon not find love
In the twisted angel, fallen from above
Intrigued by her angelic face
And the way her every touch was full of life
Planting sunflowers everywhere she goes
Her laugh danced with demons
Always testing the waters
But never taking a sip
Always such a tease
But the devil watched
Waiting patiently for a kiss by such a rose
He'd wrap her up and hear her call
For the sun couldn't protect her
It was past her time to go
The devil scooped her up and away he fled
Ready to cut the needle from the thread
The moon glimmered at the sight of her plea
Begging "please don't take me, please just leave me be"
That's when the moon granted her, her wish
Gave her a kiss right on her wrist
From then on she was thought to be a Moon Child
Dark hair and light eyes
Just like her soul that lived inside
Parallel to the dark love radiating from the moon
Fueled by the sun
Just like the Moon Child once was
For Misery had found the child, once held by the sun
Once filled with light and love
Sunflowers now tainted by ivy
How someone once filled with something so mighty
Could suddenly feel so tiny
So tell me little Moon Child,
*Will you take a chance with the devil?

Does death have to be a tragedy?
Or is everyone just scared of the inevitable?
It's something we're all destined for, irrevocable
Forced to face the reality
That everything you see,
Everything you feel
Will one day be gone
All your friends, all your lovers
All you sisters, all your brothers
Will one day meet they're fate
Nobody knows when it's their date
But there's a beauty in saying goodbye
There's an elegance in the way we all
Leave this earth
Since the day of our birth
Our fate has always been sealed
Someday day never to be healed
Doomed to this impending mystique
Each way different, each way unique
Some see it coming, some never had a clue
Death has always been such a flirt
We'll all become fertilizer for the dirt
Just bones and some loose hairs
So count your blessings and say your prayers
Because death will never leave you
It doesn't forget about anyone
Believe me it never does
Death doesn't judge or discriminate
We'll all soon disintegrate
It's something we all have in common
Shouldn't that be comforting,
To end all the suffering?
We all will face it
But only few welcome it
We're all lost in this
Mad, mad, mad world
Wishing we were somewhere else
Wishing we had something else
So when we take our last breath
When we say our final words
We're forced to realize
We spent our whole life
*Wishing we were someone else

The interiors of my brain feel like they're eroding away,
The person I once was has surely slipped away
Like my mind has sped up and there's no time to catch up
Each thought just a string of knots
Only to be undone one by one
Round after round
Knot after knot
No empathy for my own brain
If it's even worthy of said name
Only ever able to get the knots loose
Thoughts of using them as my own noose
Why everything I once knew all became fairy tales
All the stories, all the couples
All the glimmer, all the sparkle
Now filled with truth
We all swallowed the pill, silly youth
Everyone always wore a pokerface
For that I'd have you to thank
I've always had to learn all this, the hard way
Too young to comprehend
All I did was observe and eventually I would begin to understand
Not everything you see, is always what you are to believe
And not everything that you've heard,
Is to always be perceived so absurd
I sought truth behind every lie
Just wanted to find some sort of understanding as to why
But still I've found everything's too foggy for me to distinguish
Like a piece of me is always missing
Afraid to keep digging, afraid to look around
Afraid I'll find nothing, as if I'm empty and 6 feet underground
Afraid to feel anything other than disappointment and sadness
Everything is always expected, never any madness
Love, is always to become faded
Raw emotion is often tainted
Will leave you missing and wishing
For someone or something that once was
Always settling for anything capable of forgetting or sufficing
It's as though me and fate have always been kissing
Except fate was never on my side
*And oh how love could always be so blind

I've rubbed my skin raw,
To diminish all the stains
Your kisses used to leave
Me in awe
Now all I want is for them to be gone

I was a frivolous pawn
You'd use as you'd go
You'd play me when the time was right
It was only a game,
Black or white

Then one day you made a mistake
You played a blunder
You lost your game,
I stole your thunder

You were a catalyst of sorts
Always playing the pawns
Feelings never contort

But I've won this round
The queen is to be crowned
Now this time
You'll be kissing *my ground

What if feelings were really all just science?
That everything we feel is actually genetic
That would mean
Every awful feeling was meant to be
All that we do, all that we see
We were meant to be
Exactly where we are
That would mean our mistakes
Aren't mistakes at all
We were made to be exactly
What we are
Happy, scared, stressed, and sad
Genetics would make it seem less bad
What if science was really all we had?
All the heartache and pain
All the decisions that we've made
Everything we are would make sense
But this is merely a myth

The length of your recovery
Is determined by the extent of your injuries
So how do you determine a broken heart?
How would you start?

How do you determine painful wonders?
Is it counted in numbers?
How do you determine someone's injuries,
if they're all just miseries?
It may just be one of those mysteries

How do you cure
A hundred years of heartache
Do you lie for their sake?
Tell them everything is just make or break?

How do you determine someone's emotional trauma?
Deep down inside they're just ready to hide
In their heart they already feel like they've died

So what kind of recovery would you suggest?
If you knew all their troubles, what would you assess?
For someone so lost, for someone so stressed
*What kind of recovery would they possess?

I crave a home that doesn't exist
A place I've never seen, how could it be missed?
Maybe covered in sunflowers and caught amidst
Please drag me there, drag me by my wrist


I wonder what it's like to feel at home
To feel wanted and never alone
Maybe it's warm and by the ocean
Maybe it's dark and golden


It could smell of peonies or red roses
It could taste of sugar and your broken proposes
Just a home full of moments
A home for a poet


But this home is impossible to obtain
For everything is done in vain
Just need somewhere to rid me of this pain
I'm sorry this is so hard to explain

You were an escape artist
And I your favorite trick
You'd spin me
around and around and around
Then leave me with no gift

But still I can't let you go
You've hurt me more
than anyone I know
Love is so addicting
You I shouldn't be missing

For your final trick
You'd make me disappear
You called her up
"I missed you, my dear"
She's your new pick



*now I'll be quick

I've wrote this to you a million times
But no combination of words and lines
Will ever describe
The feeling you made consume my stomach
when you said my name
The warmth you made fill my chest
when you would laugh so hard
you couldn't catch your breath
Or that feeling that itched at my soul
when you swore you loved me so
More and more
All I ever wanted was your every inch,
from high to low
Now here comes the feeling
of you letting me go
Words I never thought
I'd hear you mumble
Still I remain humble
But you I miss like the ocean
misses the moon's kiss
I'm sorry to reminisce
But no amount of love I have for you
and your grown hollow soul
Will ever be enough for **you

I miss you so much and you were never mine
I miss you so much but you're still breathing just fine
How could you go? I thought we were attached
You walked away without a scratch
So why am I still here holding my breath?
Never once a second thought
Just up and left like you weren't the one
You sleep just fine knowing you're not mine
Her hands around your neck, there you'd rather be instead
She loved like the moon but you'll see soon,
there's always a dark side
to the
**moon

I was kissing your stars
But you were kissing the ground
Head over heals for somebody already found
I loved you once but that wasn't enough
One kiss on the cheek
And then you were gone

They told you love was simple;
love was two people who care about each other.
They don't tell you that two lovers will become lawyers,
biting and smiling at the end of the war.

They told me they'd protect me from the world.
But where were they when the boy with brown eyes
and brunette hair swept me off my feet?
The boy with the gentle touch and sweet words.
He showed me oceans where the desert was
and where the flowers bloomed in the snow.
He made birds sing melodies in my dreams.
He sparked a flame in me
but soon wasn't cold anymore.
Suddenly, both of us human weapons,
ignited, left only with fragments
of our hearts when the war was over.

This time of night
Missing you aches more in the quiet
Filling the spaces with your old words
Meant for affection
But now haunt me like a ghost
Like when the lights are off and you're still all I see
You're still all I breathe
All the hearts have slowed down
But mine keeps racing
Your sweet I love you's and your laugh I adore
Close my eyes for a break
But even my dreams won't let me escape

I could write you symphonies dripping in roses
but it still wouldn't compare
to the way she says your name
or the soft touch of hope she leaves on your heart
I could paint you sunsets with my fingertips across your collarbones
but it still wouldn't compare
to the way she brushed your cheek with words so cruel
or how she kissed you goodbye
I could kiss sunflowers down your spine
plant a garden in your soul
but it still wouldn't compare
to
her

The closer we get the more I forget his voice
I forget his touch on my heart
The same touch that split it in two
The closer we get the more you run my mind
Like 9 to 5
I try to keep up but your love is still hazy
Your love is still hers
The girl with the hands made of fire
The girl with the reckless touch
The girl so addictive
The girl who runs your mind
Like 9 to 5
But you can't keep up

I can write you pretty words
But can I fill the void she could leave
Can I stitch it up with satin lace and fill you full of rain
Can I kiss the scars
The marks
Left on your heart from a love so forbidden
And if a love lost is a lesson learned then she could be your teacher
Your mind is scattered and your heart is lost at sea
But do you still think of me
When you're ready to be home
When you're ready to be set free
Each wave pushing you further and further
Will it be me

I've always liked the idea
of waking up on your skin
early in the morning
Sheets wrinkled from our deep sleep
The sun barely beaming
through the cracks in my blinds
Your fingertips tickling my spine
Such a beautiful sight
Two kids, so innocent, so young
Their hearts start to fall in sync
Only thing to be heard was their breathing
and his sleep

I've had this pain in my neck
My doctor told me I need a new pillow
So I was thinking maybe I could use you, instead

She wore her hair long and dark
Always funny, always smart
In the quiet she could feel cold and alone
Like her words weren't enough
Her tongue all tied
Stuck between her brain and her heart
How it could hurt her to tell the one she loved even at the start
She loved like the moon and we were her sun
But still she could feel so little when she had flowers growing in her lungs