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Tori Ginter Aug 2019
No eyes watch this tongues bitter mornings.
My mother doesn't even know I drink coffee.
The trails know my footprints better then any memory of a boy who left behind me.
I have a drawer of broken headphones and
nails bitten down to the bone
my birthday present was a lock on the door.  
How do you look at somebody-how do you blink your eyes?
Make me cry, I'd love to do it too. High and dry on a Friday, I've made nothing in awhile.
veins still pump with the devils pulse
I'm orange with ****** desire.  
stuck in neutral
attached to your words, not you.
Apr 2019 · 212
Order
Tori Ginter Apr 2019
Everyday feels like a different year.
when I open my eyes to the lightly sun lit sky I'm faced with the same deceiving question,
                         WHO DO YOU WANNA BE TODAY?
Naturally, I try to get into the circulating acceleration of becoming someone new.
someone better.
Monday I'll act older, tougher, meaner
Tuesday, I am sick of myself already
Wednesdays reality always brings kindness and an exciting extroverted perspective
Thursday I'm in love with the sun
Friday I'm isolated with the moon
the weekend sheds no time to be anything other then a sparrow.
Sunday, a change in action.
as if a extraterrestrial source was watching, seen me morph throughout the week
I faced the abnormal question that brought some sort of relief,
                                              IS THIS YOU?
Mar 2019 · 180
She made paper cranes
Tori Ginter Mar 2019
She did not have soft hands
Her hands were red.
Her hands were a boneyard.
Her hands were tired.
But through all the folds and shapes
Out of her paper mistakes
She made cranes.
She made them for the people she loved
And sometimes, the people she hated.
The cranes stood in her favourite places
Or they marked “I would literally rather be anywhere else right now”.
A blue one for Portland
A red for Sanfransisco
Yellow for,
She stops.
He always said he loved the colour yellow.
Time withered on and she withered with it
Soon, she was gone.
And as if the people had nothing left of her
They wepped.
Yellow, he thought.
He looked up through his sorrows
A yellow paper crane
Peered about on a windowsill
What once blended in the crowd
Now stood out like treasure
Some say the paper cranes flew that day
She would have liked that.
Leave your mark on the world
Tori Ginter Feb 2019
I.
My Blood
you have grown next to me my whole life
and I have been a part of you for 16 years
every road trip, every hockey game, every broken heart
you kept me company
at least it used to be that way
that summer you left I learned what it meant to say
you don't know what you have until it is gone
it wasn't till after you left that I knew you were my best friend
I still remember the first time you called that place of strangers and weird cafes, home
it was the first time I knew you weren't coming back
and the first time someone ever broke my heart without saying they did not love me anymore
now when I was past your old room I see nothing but a grave
and inside is berried memories that haunt my dreams
but the real ghost lie in when I wake up
and I realize that you aren't here anymore
you used too laugh with me till I felt better
speak as many words that I needed until I felt full again
now I can't even get a text back letting me know if you're alright
brother.
but you had to grow up
you had to go out and live your life
And the fact that now it’s hard me to get trough the day
Wouldn’t stop you
I wouldn’t let it
I will let you go instead
my brother has got to university. I am so proud of him. but its nights like this that would do anything to see him again.
Jan 2019 · 208
I hate the number two
Tori Ginter Jan 2019
love just isn't an option anymore
no matter how many people I put first I'm always put second.
call it bad timing or misfortune
but I am a crutch
a backup plan
the left over
never good enough
never wanted  
and I wish I could be,
for the people I love and for myself too.
and all these thoughts still bring me back to the same night
in my alley way, three summers ago when the first boy to ever make me a promise and break it told me I wasn't good enough
and said goodbye before I could catch my breath.
its the same winded feeling I feel to this day.
that constant hole in my chest
the lack of equally returned love
Jan 2019 · 87
dirty words
Tori Ginter Jan 2019
Bringing your name up in conversation feels like saying a ***** word in public.
It’s unnecessary but at the same time inevitable
It always will come back
Like a swing
No matter how hard a push
That name will fly back harder than it did before
Jan 2019 · 210
Your soft touch
Tori Ginter Jan 2019
This morning I woke up to a gentle breeze from outside
A song in my head
And a poem in my heart
I realized how gentle this world is
It’s soft hands and light touch
Most battles I face are inside my mind
Dec 2018 · 156
you didn't chase
Tori Ginter Dec 2018
its nights like this
the ones that tear me up inside.
I miss him so much.
I want to send you a letter.
its the same letter I have written so many times.
but you'll never get to read it.
im so sorry I hurt you
goodnight.
Dec 2018 · 319
I’m not coming back
Tori Ginter Dec 2018
I takes one word to crash this fragile system
“goodbye”
then five steps away
from the person who broke you
Dec 2018 · 75
Forget it 10x
Tori Ginter Dec 2018
try to forget how long it took you to figure out how to wrap your fingers around his heart and how you failed
but don't forget all the times you split your sides open for him just so he could see your hurting
don't forget how to ride the bike
but try and forget the time you flung yourself forward froward into a fence cutting your head open
don't forget the times you failed but the times they said
you couldn't do it
allow yourself to remember the first time you fell in love.
that first kiss
that first I love you
forget the time you found him cheating and the feeling that came with it
the thoughts that you are unlovable
instead remember the time you left his *** in the dirt and how good that felt
remember the first time you saw your father cry
when you were on stage singing that song he loves
do not remember the years that flashed by in the blink of your eye
when he left
Nov 2018 · 185
cellar
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
how can you drag me
giggling with forgiveness
from the cellar you locked me in
Nov 2018 · 290
late spring
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
I'd run away
but where would I go?
with you or not
I still feel alone
Nov 2018 · 363
For Us Fools
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
not everything has to hurt anymore
don't let it
we may be damaged broken fools
but we can still be happy



(please read below)
so earlier this year I was diagnosed with vertigo causing extreme dizziness for weeks. I was lost. I couldn't go to school, I didn't see my friends and slowly lost them. I felt like my life was ripped away from me. Since, I've gotten better. this morning I woke up with extreme dizziness once again and went strait to the doctors. they said its possible that it is back. but I will not let it rip away at my life and hold me back. I will do my best and stay positive. life is meant to be lived and lived happily. I love all my supporters on this website. and no matter what it is that you're going through there will come a day where you see the light. it could be in a book, a teacher, a friend, or maybe it just has to come from yourself.
Nov 2018 · 169
Nail in The Coffin
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
I live in the skeletons of our love in hopes of having it stop haunting me.
          Its so hard to forget when you float around my head like a ghost
                          
                             its so hard not to go back to the graves of what                   was and not have to think about what is.
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
I told myself once you were gone,
you'd never be able to touch me again.
Now, even if we were side by side
I still wouldn't let you.
Nov 2018 · 157
THE SLAVES OF FALSE LOVE
Tori Ginter Nov 2018
Hitting rock bottom
Till "love" comes along
And they'll take you to a place
They say you'll belong
They give you lots of "love"
and what you wanna hear
But soon before you know it
"Love" will disappear
Swear you won't go back
But you soon begin to cave
Cause all it takes is a kiss
Till you realize you're their slave
I'm so sorry if you can relate this poem to yourself
Tori Ginter Oct 2018
Remembering is her favourite pass time.
At night or during the day
She’ll catch herself in the midst of imaginary conversations.
Talking to herself out loud
Or maybe she’s just dreaming.
It is her break.
It is her lust.
It is her light.
Oct 2018 · 361
Losing it lately
Tori Ginter Oct 2018
I still have nightmares about how it felt when you left
Oct 2018 · 427
You Won't Find My Address
Tori Ginter Oct 2018
Im leaving the city for good
And I hope that you'll call
But you won't
And it will break my heart a little
Until i'm finally gone
And I can move on
Without you by my side
So we can be strangers
Again
Oct 2018 · 72
september 26
Tori Ginter Oct 2018
same tricks
different people
when will it be differnet
Sep 2018 · 423
I am not the sun
Tori Ginter Sep 2018
I'm not sure how to help you from this distance
Or if I can
or if I should...
I want to reach out and be your light in all your darkness
but I am not the sun
and I will not save you
as hard as it is to say
I can't
reaching for your hands will only drag me down with you
as selfish as it sounds...
but I hope you know I'm a believer in some of the hardest battles must be fought by yourself
I hope you know that you light up every room you walk into
I hope you know I care
And even though, you once destroyed me too
I hope you know I love you
no matter where we may go in this world,
its something that will never change
Sep 2018 · 201
If you’re leaving
Tori Ginter Sep 2018
If you're leaving
please, leave fresh cut flowers in every room
I will wilt with them as I wait for you to come back before they die.
If you're leaving
could you write some letters I can read when I miss you?
so I can try to find the messages between the spaces
the ones I never saw before that so clearly said you wanted to go
If you're leaving
would you buy me some paints? one of every shade
my world is the size of a canvas and it takes every colour to paint you
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
When I was a kid
i could go out into a street and dance in the rain
Even with eyes watching, I flailed my arms round and round until I was too dizzy to stand and eventually, fell into the dewy grass Without knowing the effects of lightning
instead, would pound my feet to the crash of thunder
I can't recall when I noticed they were watching
how it pulled the road from under my feet
and left me in the pavment
How I cared when they called me crazy
How they made me afraid of the lightning
How the fear kept me inside staring out from my window
When life became a cabinet with a plate,
holding ten other plates on top of it
how it all seemed so unbearable
I was fourteen when my pessimistic state of perception was shifted
All it took was one wise man and a sentence to crash the fragile system of fear:

                  "everything beautiful has a consequence" he said
                      "you just have to brave enough to face it".
sorry I know, the tags look cheesy but if I put a lot of those tags sometimes people actually read my poetry. just know the cheesy tags bother me as much as they bother you. I hope you enjoyed this poem though. xoxo -Tori
Aug 2018 · 87
pole
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
which fades faster?
Feelings or memories
Which one is harder to forget?
please comment if you would like to share you experience of which fades faster and why.
Aug 2018 · 375
Advice from my mother
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
My mother once told me,
when you give your everything to somebody who never deserved it,
you're giving away all your light and excepting the dark.
Because when they leave
they will take the sun with them.
I miss my sunsets
Aug 2018 · 267
The knowing
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
My time I have left with you is dwindling
Into a little grain of sand
....
I can barley see it now
....
But I still find comfort in the knowing
There is a whole ocean waiting
For me
Somewhere else
Life has more for you than the grain of sand you’re left with now.
Aug 2018 · 225
a broken boy
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
a window is still a window, even with shattered glass
it will still let the sun through itself
still let you gaze out and see the world
so I fell in love with you, broken boy
and with observation and time I attained your gospel truth
you were not a window, but instead a mirror
I looked at you and saw the truth of what I had become
a shattered reflection of somebody I didn't recognize
but I still fell in love with you, broken boy
I just didn't realize you would break me too
"trust I'm learning again is a sentence not easily spoken but one worth saying"
-button poetry
Aug 2018 · 136
all the little things
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
i. knocking on wood when a terrible thought comes up
ii. cutting fresh flowers to all the same lengths
iii. listening to the static on the radio
iv. reaching out of the car window into the air
v. holding my breath at every cemetery I pass by
vi. writing letters then burning them in the most dramatic way
vii. tracing loops on lovers backs
viii. falling asleep with the candle still lit
ix. morning coffee followed by morning coffee breath
x. running out into the street while it rains
xi. early morning flights too a new start
xii. stopping at every crack in the side walk
xiii. wearing a wrist watch
xiv. dictating strangers eyes
xv. falling in love with the moon over and over again

what does it all mean too you?
life is a funny thing.
Aug 2018 · 106
Sorry it’s been awhile
Tori Ginter Aug 2018
Sorry it has been awhile since I’ve wrote last
Life’s has been so cruel lately
Constantly tripping me up into to its own chaos
I’ve been fighting through each day
Im not living them anymore
Hope is the key to unlock these mental chains
But I haven’t found a reason to rise back on life’s surface
To take a breath above the violent waters
I keep sinking farther into the abyss
thinking if I keep getting thrown around by the current
eventually someone will see
they will bring me back to life, give my world colour again, help my brittle bones and little voice to become invincible.
no ones coming
I will have to swim myself out of these waters
Jul 2018 · 103
Polaroid
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
That **** Polaroid picture
      Sent my head spinning again
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
You were once my idea of a perfect life
You once held my mind in captivity
But I’ve found a new life out here
A new idea of a perfect life
One without you
There was a hole in my chest
But it’s filled with this desire now
This amazing idea that if I work my hardest for these last two years
If I push and push and never stop
I will create a life for myself
Out in the only place I’ve ever felt at home
Jul 2018 · 3.1k
This is my goodbye to you
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
Sometimes we fall
We break,
We move on,
Or we stay because we are afraid,  
We shatter the only thing we’ve ever known,
And it could be a because of a complication,
unfortunate events,
Or one simple thing.
Something like the truth
Mine was that you’d never love me
We won’t work
It’s not gonna happen
And for so long I struggled to swallow those words
I went back and forth from loving you directly
Then too loving you from a distance
For four years I have loved you
And this is my goodbye
Here it goes :
You once told me the way you get through life is too hold your head down and keep pushing through the problem until eventually you don’t feel anything. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m gonna keep my head up and I’m gonna smile. I’m gonna laugh and I’m going to work through what I’ve had to deal with. Not by ignoring it but by facing it. Through out all this time I’ve been afraid you’d leave and I’d be alone but the truth is you were never really here and what has been my extensive thought of what love is
Has been me alone.
but you
my love,
will always hold a part of my heart. you will always have the part of myself i put into you. the part of myself i first learned to love.
you let go and even though i have taken my time, its time for me to let go too.
no more of your witty jokes or captivating smile
hands finding each other, lips locking together
late night calls
the moments that makes us who we are
ill still listen to that song and try to feel you out there
but believing us leaves me disconsolate
you were never mine too have nor keep
neither was i ever yours.
i used to see you in everything i touched
but i will no longer be looking.
i wish you the best in life and that you are happy
as i should.
the world will keep turning and my life will go on
as it should.
ciao
after four years of ups and downs im finally ready to move on and find my meaning in this world. since the moment i knew you i always pictured a story in my mind that involved you but  im seeing a different picture now. a realistic one. a better one.
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
I stayed alive for this moment
Driving 90 downtown on a bridge in Vancouver
Dark blues in the sky transition into greens
The Sun is dancing it’s last few minutes on stage
The air smells like lavender
My hair is whipping back and forth
Windows open
Music blasting
Not a care in the world
Jul 2018 · 112
Glass
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
I’ll leave you like glass
Slowly
But to one who doesn’t understand my properties
I look as if I’m not moving
Until one day I’m not there
Jul 2018 · 17.4k
My plane leaves in a hour
Tori Ginter Jul 2018
You didn’t even call...
I told on Monday how I’d only had a couple days till I was gone.
But that wasn’t enough for you
I’d have to be dying in order for you to call
Little do you know I am, it’s why I must leave this place that is killing me slowly.
But I still have hope
A dream
You’ll be standing there at the end of the aisle right before I  board.
I will drop my bags and run as fast as I can into you
You’ll be the excuse I’ve been looking for to stay
But the reality is
You’re the excuse that makes me have to leave.
Your silence screams leave more than goodbye
Tori Ginter Jun 2018
knees cracking
palms sweating
everything is falling out of place
nothing is as it should be
its so uncomfortable
when your sky collapses onto you
the pressure is almost unbearable.
but its the only way we will change
you will only better yourself
When you want to show them that
You’re stronger now
That you’ve changed your old ways
That you’re happier
But you aren’t
You are as whole as a cup that shatters in a busy restaurant
And as empty as the silence that comes after it
May 2018 · 206
after the storm
Tori Ginter May 2018
I walked into the world after the storm.
no not into the cage of more walls
not into the chains of someone else's arms
just me, by myself  
i could tell i was alone
no one followed me out into this silent barring
and in the quietness i found time to reckon in my thoughts
remember what matted most
myself
being who i am
being my own and no one else's
and all the other complications became so small compared to wanting the important things back
happiness
knowing i can find a voice in the sun
love in the trees
arms reaching out in the wind
i'm not saying this place is home
but i'm admitting it's livable
i am the breathing, laughing, crying proof that it is.
the morning after i knew you were gone
May 2018 · 88
The Place
Tori Ginter May 2018
Take a second.
Stop thinking about where you are trying to be,
Look at where you are
You have always been the place
May 2018 · 110
The absence of you
Tori Ginter May 2018
I’m leaning agains a metal rod
Pretending as if it was a lover
But the aluminum is cold, not warm there is no comfort.
Your black hair pokes itself out from the rest of the crowd.
I see you watching and turn the other way as if I never knew you were there.
I need to look again to see if you’re still watching me hopefully pondering if I’ll look back at you, but you’re gone.
Suddenly the building is nothing but a 2D paper platform.
It is dull and not worth trying for.
The absence of you is everywhere
May 2018 · 90
Temple
Tori Ginter May 2018
Turning our backs on this temple does nothing
Everything we hold sacred
Turns to sin
Feb 2018 · 96
Thrift Shop
Tori Ginter Feb 2018
You treat “your girls” like a thrift shop
Something you give away because she’s “used”
You won’t  ask for money in return
You don’t want an apology or forgiveness as you hand her in
Instead, you’ll give her away with an excuse
“There is someone out there who will treat you better”

— The End —