It is not so much as I feel it completely
All consumingly, madly, inexorably,
Yet it comes in like the tide
It caresses me until those moments where it dashes my body against the razored cliffs.
It is like a radio that never turns off to give me a semblance of wistfulness rather it gives voice to my demons until all I can do is cover my ears to the technicolor sound.

Is the silence I relentlessly pursue? or is to be finally engulfed by the mercurial sea? I had a dream, where I sank slowly into the depths and it was the most wonderful sleep. Even now sometimes in the witching hour, where silence and shadows is permeated only by my thoughts I think how nice it would be to slowly sink into the unconscious - as the breath is pulled from my lungs and my mind finally gives into the silence I crave. Where my unrest from the grave rises and pulls me in for the last embrace

How can I say this?
It feels too intimate
Like first blush,
the pass of heat against my skin
The warmth of your hands sinks into my marrow
As my body becomes alight with the tenderness of your touch
Touch me, break me, become me
Everything I am, I am not
As you worship what I've become.
I burn for the kind of yearning only you can provide.

Oh gracious night

Light my path

By moonbeams and sad sights.

Grant me the death's sweet kiss

So I may find relief

From the manic moon

That blisters my blood

And summons the depraved demon

Whose words turn everything to venom

And turns my eyes into black holes incapable of seeing the light.

Hark!

The only lights i see are infernos that are my friends and foes alike who spread hurt through their need to survive.

The abomination ravages my skin and turns me black.



The sweet kiss of death?

I know not what I say

for with her fangs

she dripped honeyed acid into my world.

Her candy coated words slithered under my skin and sunk into my unsuspecting mind.

Ive seen another corrupted by the acid until he withered away.

And yet her offer holds my thoughts like a siren song.


I am cursed with a temperament as mercurial as the weather.

And a soul as dark as the ocean's depths.

I am foresaken.

I am lost.

I long to be found.

Yet a hopeless dreamer I am not.

The stars have fallen from my eyes.

In the dusk I wait for the monster to wake.

Daughter daughter,
Why do you hide?
I'm only your mother
I don't want to pry.
Mother mother
I don't want to abide
Because every time I do
I end up crying inside

Mother looked at her
And narrowed her eyes
Something lurched inside daughter
Something devious and unkind.
You're hurting me the daughter cried
"And if you do not listen I'll devour you from the inside"

Then there was a terrible scream
As daughter died
And all that remained
Was the scratches and tooth marks
Left by mother
On her mind.

Darkness fills my eyes,
As the stars disappear,
And the sinkhole becomes a black hole,
Until I’m left suspended.
In the nowhere,
In the somewhere.
Between chaos,
Between pain,
Part of the one?
No, I’m another.
Because I must be something other than this.

I think I must be a child of the stars.
A stolen kiss between the night and day.
Forbidden to exist.
That’s the only explanation that would explain
Why just the simple act of breathing,
Offends the gods.

It seems everyone is made of some scintillating light,
Twinkling and dancing,
As they hold each other,
As laughter and love seem to be their constant companions.

Why is it when I see those brilliant lights,
Shame and wonder tear through me?
No, I know why.
Because-
I was woven from the sorrow of abandonment.
More midnight than bright light
And made up of nothing more, than finite moments.
I am brought out by the darkness,
Only to be forgotten when day comes.
Is it selfish of me to ask
For you to hold me tighter?
For just a little longer?
Just long enough
For me to make a permanent memory
Of this fleeting moment.

The sticky sap crawls down my limbs
Violating the purity of flowers and foliage all around
I want to become one with the trees
One with the garden and dirt
From which I sprouted.

I look at the crimson endlessly pouring from my wound.
It lets me know that for now I am still human.
Not yet plant or earth but soon.
Soon I will be.

Maybe the creatures
will have families and love
So in death I could have
What I could not receive in life.
My bones will finally be a home
that they never were for me.

Ive never been a believer
Not in the preternal, supernatural entities
That command our lives.
When chaos errupts
Or the ensuring peace in the eye of the hurricane
The feeling lingers
a want, a need arises.
Suddenly when I look at myself
In the hollowed reflection of the mirrors gaze
I have never prayed more fervently
To a god that I don't believe in
That thinks my life a sin
I pray, postrate and beg,
Til my tongue is full of blisters,
And my lips are cracked
That I could be welcomed into the silence

Give me peace.
Give me death.
Give me quiet.

For it must be hard to love someone
Who loves death more.