A palette blessed
with every possible shade
and hue there is…

But somehow,
the colours are all wrong
the moment
they meet the canvas.

Eight. 9. Try 10. Maybe eleven. No. 12:30 pm? I guess. The bed below me vanishes. 

Life, ha. Oh, life. I didn’t know you had it in you. To create company so poor. So contradicting. Soul devouring;

                          limbs for dessert?

To let me drown in the company of another. To invert my innards, remove my senses, and spin me around.

Ready, set, go.

Down I go.

You're a solar flare
Without a care
The sun is your lair
So we can't be a pair
Which I felt was unfair
So I starred down the barrel of a gun
Into the shining sun
To have my tears evaporate
But all that did was exacerbate
The eventual solar eclipse
From the sound of your lips
Telling me it's over
But it didn't start
I get in my lunar rover
And sadly depart

Your supernova
Put me in a loser's coma
From a subtle sun kiss
With a trillion ton fist
That left me loveless
Seeing the sun less

Stuck inside my tower
My eyes are a shower
I'm holding a sun powered
Drug flower
While I cower
In the midnight hour
During the solar absence
I await a sunrise advent
Like a cosmic abscess
After being denied access
Added to your black list
I become dark matter
When my dreams shatter
I am indeed sadder
Wishing my world was flatter

Yet the sun still shines
Even when I'm blind
Rays of light still come out
Causing a seed to sprout
Like a heroic water spout
After a hundred year drought
But I can only see the sunset
As the future I've met
And I begin to fret
Over my daytime debt
When I spend time but never give it
I make a mistake and then I relive it
The sun is scorching hot I can't grip it
So when I get the upper hand I flip it
And live under the sun
This life is a lonely one

Being in a relationship can be so complicated.
I'd assume that's why I'm not in them most often.
But this boy was sweet, and I had liked him a bit.
So I gave it a go, even though I hadn't dated
he would be my first
And to be honest, I had no idea what I was doing.
What am I supposed to do, act, say?  

And maybe I was the one who caused us to fall to ruin.
Maybe it was my lack of knowlege or experience
that led to our downfall.
You were fine. But I was not.
You wanted to hold hands, to hug, snuggle, and kiss.
I didn't feel so comfortable with all of those.

Although I liked talking to you
and i was so happy with you
i didn't feel it lasting
it didn't feel like you loved me whole
you were the only one to understand me
but my friends didn't let me love you

So then I had a thought,
It would only be logical to end this,
our relationship.
What was the point in continuing
if I knew it was inevitablly going to end.

my friend has often told me that
i'm the "emotionally attached" one.
i rely on my feelings.
and i think there is truth to that.
and i felt this slowly ending
it wasn't going to last
maybe that was my fault though

So I ended it. And i asked to still be friends.
That's fine with me. Friends is good.
But I've noticed since then,
you haven't paid me no mind.
Haven't talked to me in particular,
or directly to me at all.
I saw you, but you were distant. You still are.
You talked with any girl but me.

And it's hard to just suddenly get used to that.
One day we talked before and after school
during every single class
You always made the effort to talk to me,
to hold me
to hug me
to comfort me
you knew when i wasn't okay
or when i needed you
or when i lied saying i was "fine"

Then the next day, you were gone.
I knew you were there
i saw you every day
It's like the phrase "so close, yet so far away"
That seems the perfect description for it.
Because you were right there,
where I could walk up and talk to you,
but you turned around, and walked away.

I see you talk to others and I wonder,
Does he not miss me at all?
Am I so easy to replace with just another girl?
Do I hold no signifigance whatsoever?
And I begin to realize, I miss you.
I miss how large your hand was and
that it practically swallowed mine.
I miss being able to lean against you
and aimlessly doze off.
I miss your humor and the
small compliments you'd always give me.
No boy had ever spoke so sweetly to me before.

It's not that I feel we should get back together.
i'm over you
we're done
maybe i'd still come back to you?
i'm not quite sure
But I'm still not happy now that it ended,
and aprubtly at that.
I just wish you would talk to me.
Say something. Anything.
Walk next to me
hug me
just text me
make me feel like i'm something
rather than the girl who can be so easily replaced  
Look into my eyes with yours,
as if you could speak that way.
I just wish you wouldn't ignore
my presence completely.

And it's now that I finally realize,

I took you for granted.

I'm sorry.

Awakening will find me
through the daily mundane
faith's step in front of tiny step
for the sake of Christ's great name
Even David the brave did not set out
with a lofty ambition to see the giant slain
but walked forth instead with a servant's heart
obediently for his father, carrying cheese and grain
and as he went in faithfulness about this simple errand
God raised him up with sling and stone to champion His fame

you are waiting for love
from someone
who has never noticed
your worth
from the beginning

I sit and wonder
Why you acted like you cared at all
I guess i discovered
You can't accept it when I fall

I don't know what I did to you

But it's done
And we're done

I imagine you thinking of me
but then it just corrupts
I was hoping that you'd rid my misery
and your pain just interrupts

I see you everywhere but beside me,
the one place that I need you the most.
I don’t know if you’ve just felt like hiding,
but it feels like I’m being stalked by a ghost.
I think of my life consisting of just time biding,
with parasitic emptiness and I’m the host.
This hits me like waves I am meant to be riding,
and it follows me persistently from coast to coast.

The grass didn’t seem so green back then
I guess all that constant rain did pay off,
‘cause now this little future’s just a casual friend,
and my god looking back the past was soft.
It’s not like I always want to be drenched in sorrow,
I find I look much better in brown, blue or grey,
you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I hear every voice but yours in my ears,
the deafening noise has made me forget that sound,
since I’ve heard that sweet melody it’s been too many years,
and every other pitch makes my static brain pound.
I’m always biting my lip but now I’m fighting tears,
I shake my head side to side and around.
I’m quickly losing stamina from battling my fears
and now looking forward to my hole in the ground.

The skies never seemed clear and blue back then,
it turns out that I was the creator of each cloud,
I’m hoarding past calendars so that I can pretend
that I’m back in time and making everyone else proud.
If you’ve got a hour or two that I can borrow,
I swear I’m good for it and whatever price; I’ll pay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.

I feel you all over, laced in everything,
if it wasn’t such a curse, it’d be a gift.
You’re the peace in winter and the hope in spring,
you’re the summer sun and autumn’s winds so swift.
I’m relieving every memory, looking for a place to cling,
I remember all of the details but the clarity is now adrift.
Side to side, back and forth, I constantly swing,
it pulls and drags me down but it can also give the highest lift.

The sun never seemed to shine right back then,
but maybe I was just too busy looking for artificial light.
I was never one for second looks but I should’ve searched again,
because everything I wanted was already in my sight.
So I plant a seed hoping it will eventually grow
and I sculpt all I wish for with clay,
‘cause you know I’d trade in every tomorrow
for just one more yesterday.