I still have scars on my body
From that fated night
You can still see the lines
Where my soul ripped my flesh
And finally bled through
Spilling regret onto the hospital beds
No matter how hard I try
The scars still remain
A constant reminder
Of that day full of so much anguish
Days filled with much pain
My heart seems to break all over again
Days fly by, my thoughts chaotic
Sometimes never lingering at the though of you
But one glance at those scars
And it all comes flooding back,
Drowning in your memories...
Your sparkling blue eyes glistening with mischief
Your strange English accent always catching me by surprise
The way you wouldn't talk to anyone for days
But would jump out of bed days we planned to spend together
The way darkness hung over your life and stuck to you
But you would tell me I was the light that kept you going
The way you walked
The way you sang
The way you ate
The way you smiled
The way you laughed
The way you....
But none of that matters anymore does it?
Because I learned to bury all those memories
I learned to bury all those thoughts
I learned to bury all the pain
The day I buried you
...
You might’ve been the one with blue eyes, but I was the one who was the real monster.
Monsters didn’t have feelings. No, monsters didn’t deserve to have feelings. So I shut everyone out and tucked my emotions away again, the name I once told you echoing in the back of my mind. Anaya, meaning misfortune.
Anaya… Misfortune. Misery. Monster.
(There are certain things in life we blame ourselves for which we really shouldn't. A piece of a poem written about 8 years ago part of a longer story RH had planned to write out and publish. Alas she never finished writing the story-nor telling me the full story-so I share this poem with all of you for now. Thanks for all the support so far.. Happy Writing! ~BM).
(Front page 2/1/2018)