I don't know if I got what it takes
To be as talented as her.
I don't know if I got what it makes
To sing as soundly as him.

I don't know if my fingers know
Where the strings on the guitar are
I don't know if I'll be as famous as him
When I'm in my bedroom doing nothing.

I don't know if people will care for this poem
When it isn't even as good as yours
I don't know how long it will trend
If it even will, anyway.

I don't know if I'm playing with fate
Or if love is the way to go
I don't know if the dream is correct
Or if it's just one big mistake.

You were never mine,
but you made me feel as if I were
in your arms,
my hands fit so right with yours

You were never mine,
but your songs seems like we once were
By the melody, we are deep in love
With your words of parting
of a meeting that never once occurred

You were never mine
But sometimes I wish you were
Always but I keep myself hidden
I knew—
from the risk of falling
It just cannot be—
So I fall back
Even if I knew it was a moment too soon

You were never mine,
I knew from the start.

You were never mine.
My love, you were never mine to keep

But you made me feel
like I was yours
And you were mine

— la douleur exquise

help me out
swallowed up
by oceans and arms
and pulled under
by the weight of
need and want and
guilt and sinking and
each little finger loops
around me like the
rusted metal of years-
old chains and i am a prisoner
of this translucent
wasteland of regret
and longing

the white light isn't
savior, it's hot burning,
melting away the layers of
everything that warps

Thank you.
For making me feel like I have no power.
For taking away my voice, my ability to form thoughts, my ability to sort out how I feel.

My ability to feel.

Thank you, for making me a stranger even to those closest to me.
Unable to reach out, to ask for help, unable to accept kindness or love.

Thank you for making me a prisoner in my own body.
For making it hard to look in the mirror. Making me live in my head, as a being completely separate from my limbs, my stretch marks, the little white rolls of my stomach.

Thank you.

Thank you for allowing me to feel my heart in my throat. For letting the ***** rise up in my throat, so I can let it out. It’s the only thing I can let out that gives me some kind of release.

Thank you for destroying my faith in a god, in others, and in myself.

Thank you for making me question.

Was it my fault?
Does God have pity on sinners who get hurt?
Was there something I could have done?

Thank you for breaking me.

Thank you for killing me before anything else could.

You dreamed of things
your head played
but neglected them
a thousand times
because of the voices
saying;
you won't be able
to achieve them
and listened

You've somehow
imprisoned yourself
to thoughts that don't matter
to words, only made
to drag you down
to eyes, made to judge
to hearts, only made
to discourage

Your dreams are made
of a million you's;

Go on
Dream BIG
Prove them wrong

Take me to the bus
Hold my hand and tell me how you feel.
Because those moments felt so real.
Mommy and Daddy couldn't so you were my ones.

I can recall curling around your back,
Like a dog does on your bed just to feel that security.
Just teaching me about the world and seeing me reach to a new level of maturity.

Being there to hold my hand and show me the way was the life, until those nights where I said goodbye.
Even on this night it's hard to forget your love and affection.
Now I just long for that same attention.

Momma can't give it like you did,
Daddy can't make up for those moments we spent stealing grapes at the store.
I don't mean to make then sound so low but,
There's no way to without speaking these true words.