Every morning I put on a brave face
But inside
I'm give up

This light
It left me
It was gone quickly.
My world stopped moving forward
And yours went on without pausing.
I got lost, looking for you to
Still love me
Even though you wouldn't.
Is something wrong with me?
Or maybe something wrong with you?
I thought you said forever
And that meant forever.
But you lied.
And darkness filled my mind.

On the edges of the sharpest knives
   In the middle of the darkest nights
   Always knew that I'd find you here

For the longest time
I blamed me.
Forever and a day
I hated me.
Every morning and at night
I didn't want to be
Me.

I wanted to be another
To be the other you wanted.
To still be your smile.
To still have your heart.
To be that one
But I'm just me.

You broke me.
You tortured me.
You hurt me.
You made everything about me.
But it wasn't me,
You did this.

You gave up, not me.
You stopped trying, not me.
You forgot loving, not me.
You changed,
Not me.

But you left me.

That's where I broke and fell apart,
That's when everything didn't make sense,
When it all seemed like a horrible nightmare,
Where everything good was gone,
And all I loved was lost.

But really, I was still me.

Some nights I still have those nightmares.
But they're not as dark, and not as painful.
Some nights I still dream of you.
Of the life and the love we had.
But it's not the same now. Now I know
That you broke us.
That you destroyed us.
That you, and only you, gave up on
Us. Not me.

And that's how I got better. That's how I found
Me.

This girl, this blue eyed girl.
She makes me smile when
I think I just can't.
When my world crumbles to pieces
She's there to help me pick them up.
When everything seems like heaven
She keeps me grounded.
If I had to use
Only three words for her:
Beautiful.
Amazing.
Perfect.
But words couldn't describe
The way she makes me feel.
How my heart still speeds up
When she smiles.
How my mind races
When she says "I love you". Words can't describe
Something that can only be felt.
It's been an amazing year @jenna_joensen
Here's to many, many, more

I want to be alone
I want to be sad
I want to think of the past
I want to mourn what I've lost.
I want to remember the friends I had
I want to think of the people I knew
So well
I want to sit and think and not face
Another tomorrow.

The point here
Is that life always goes on.
It leaves you in the dust
Sobbing and thinking of loss
Holding on to small things
Remembering cute smiles
And loving eyes
And whispered feelings
And heart break.  

Life cares about none of that.
It simply doesn't matter in the
Grand scheme of things.

So what we must see is this:

You can hide in the night.
Cry your loss to the darkness.
Ask the moon and stars for solace.
But in the end
No matter how hard you've cried,
No matter how many horrible thing you've thought,
The sun comes up anyway.

It's that simple.
The sun comes up anyway

Some nights I wish
For the dark to go on forever.
For the night to never end.
For this day to not become the next
but to simply stay as this one night.
This perfectly, quietly, peacefully, dark
Night.

At night, the darkness is the worst.
Not the lack of light
The lack of courage in my soul.
My demons rush in
The monsters come out
The worst thoughts make me want to hide.
But I can't.
I don't get to run from the past
I don't get to hide from my mistakes.
I only get this night
And the morning that follows.

When the darkness closes in
And the monsters bare their fangs
I hope for you then.
I hope for your touch
For the smell of your hair
For the light in your blue eyes
For the whisper of your words
Of your love.

I hope for all those things.
My shields against the terror
My beacons in the darkness
My guiding light through the fog

I hope and wish for you
In the darkest night