It is misleading to say
That I am trying my best
When I am actually trying
To prevent myself from getting worse
To prevent that state of being
When I can no longer stand
And sitting up becomes unbearably hard
When every part of me is at its lowest
And my mind has completely given up
I lie still waiting
For my physical being to die with me

Every day is a
Battle to keep taking steps
Forward and not back

Writing to express these bottled thoughts
So much on my mind can't focus
Trying to relax unwind from it all
Came to terms with the outcome
Not the first pick, one day be the first choice
Kept my mind occupied not coping
Bottled stress that won't go
Hurt echoes through the body going numb
Body doesn't want to fight, rest find peace
Took a beating never the same anymore
Face swelled up got fired from the job
A job that never honored their word
Wasting my day, wasting my time
Miserable people not letting them knock me down
Don't want to be like them, that's why I laugh
I'm one who smiles while others wallow in pity
Work hard to improve, hate the situation
Loving life while others hold onto the past
Trying to get ahead a live inside
Over going through the motions dead inside
Anger comes out can't hide it anymore

I knew from the moment I first saw you that you’d only bring me pain
But I always try to see the good in people
I guess for you I fought in vain
Loving you was like being stabbed in the heart with a needle

And still I try to remember the good times
I try to remind myself of the laughs we shared
But I have to admit that you committed many crimes
And if I’m honest all I ever was, was scared.

I see now that I was a fool for loving you
And that I deserve better than what you made me feel
A tragedy was what was the love between us two
I will need years and years to heal