You are beyond comprehension
You are beyond words
You are beyond any imagination
You are beyond ***

You are beyond evil
You are beyond cruel
You are beyond exaggerations
You are beyond nasty

You, owh my god, you
You are beyond despicable
You are beyond urgghhh
You are beyond comprehension

Who would have thought balloons can evoke such emotions

Helium filled colourful balloons
Balloons with notes and kind wishes
Balloons tied together with matching ribbons

I've never received balloons before
Today I received some
One with 'You are fabulous' some more

Who would have thought balloons evoke such deep feelings
Fabulous indeed
I do feel that now

She was a great woman
A superwoman
She fought cancer
And won the first round

Alas, cancer found her again
She was defeated this time
She was a great woman
My superwoman

Aslan
You make me want to write
My most inner thoughts
May they are vulnerable and raw
You make me want to feel them all

I look at you and I see innocence
One I wish I can protect with all my might
One I wish will last forever and a day
One I wish shall remain pure as ever

You filled me up with your candid love
Your cheeky grins and contagious laugh
You make me feel I'm on top of the world
Your love so grand, I am so shy and honoured

Aslan
You are my love, my favourite person
Your little self ain't so little no more
You are my reason to work endlessly hard
Your entire being I won't let be full of woes

I love you lil lion of mine

I'm sorry
I take for granted that you will understand
That you will feel what I feel
How I'm feeling so sad and disappointed inside

I'm sorry
I forgot that you are not an adult
That you are still a tiny little boy
How I should not burden your small shoulders with my worries

I'm sorry
I must remind myself that I'm the parent
That you are merely a child, my child
How I should be the one looking after all

I'm sorry sugarbum
I really am

Loss causes grief
One can suffer loss from death
Broken relationships
Divorce
Retrenchment

Grieving is the process after the loss
Done in so many ways
Some are more extreme than others
More verbal whilst some are more silent

It's difficult and different
For each and every soul
Some take longer than others
Whereas some are better at hiding

Don't judge
Don't criticize
Don't say otherwise
Don't compare

Let them heal at their own pace
Let them feel every emotion
Let yourself cry all out
Let yourself go

Grieving
It's ok
Take your time
Build up that facade
It's ok
Live every moment
Cry when you have to
Sing if you feel it's best
Visit that grave if you need to
Pray as much as you can
It's ok
It will be ok
It's really ok

Grieve

You used to make me feel giddy
Anticipating for our next rendezvous
You used to make me able
To fly around without visible wings

You used to make me see
Things which were not real
You used to make me fight
For justice which was not even fair

You used to make me angry
When you disappeared out of thin air
You used to make me cry
Endless tears while mending my owh so broken heart

You now make me feel proud
Of picking up the shattered pieces you left behind
You now make me feel great
For being the only one wearing the parent cap

You now make me feel nothing
Because really I am the one who I should thank
You now make me feel zero
Because that's what you are, nil, nada, no more

Breathless

Out of breath

Heart beating so fast

Permanent frown on the forehead

Gasping for air

Painful eyeballs

Agonizing migraine

Overwhelmed

Please

Overwhelmed

Let me look after you
I will give you the world
The whole wide world
Lay at your beautiful, delicate feet

Let me shower you with stars
I'll catch those stars myself
With my own bare hands
So that your days and nights will both be sparkling

Let me dive in the deepest ocean
I'll swim amongst the toughest sharks and whales
To get you that biggest pearl
Then you shall wear it as a necklace on your swan like neck

What do you have to do for me
Nothing, of course my dear love
Hmm maybe you should quit your job
I'll look after you, remember

See your family? Next week?
But you promised me you'll go with me
That's my girl, good girl, good girl
Perhaps you can see them next time

You haven't seen your best friend
She wants to see you after two years?
Tomorrow is it? But you said you'll do that with me
That's it, my good girl, next time it is

I didn't mean it, you know that
It's just that you provoked me
I told you so that I liked them in straight lines
I'm sorry, I'll never do that again

There is no need to call the doctor
You are fine, stop being dramatic
It will heal like all those before
You deserve it, you know, my good girl

Where are you?! Where are you hiding?
Come out! Come out from wherever you are!
No! No! No!
Wake up! Wake up now my good girl!

Don't let it end this way .......

What's your favourite weather?

For me, personally
I love hot, sunny days
Blue sky with puffy, puffy white clouds

Perfect for laundry
For washing up those thick blankies and set of bedsheets
Putting them up to dry and seeing the wind flapping them away
Reminds you of those Enid Blyton stories you used to read when you were smaller

Also perfect for just sitting outside
With a book in hand and cold Coca Cola in the other
A bowl of munchies on the table
Feet up on a stool with the breeze in your hair

Great for going out and about
With your loved ones in toll
May it be shopping or just walking around
Just to enjoy that hot sun in your face

My favourite weather is hot, sunny days
For more reasons than the ones before


What is yours?
Your favourite weather?

Wow

That's what you made me feel

Wow

I can hear him through the walls
Hear him run here and there
He is playing by himself
Lost in his own personal space

Sometimes he will shout out loud
Or he will have imaginary scenarios
Most of the time he is a superhero
Going around saving innocent lives

Yet when I enter the room
He will stop and look at me
I will then feel his tiny arms around me
His love forever engulfing me

Even when you're old like me
Even when you have your own family
Even when you're busy as a bee
You, my darling, will always be my baby

I love you, son. You are my Aslan in the kingdom of Narnia. Always and always. Eternally.

Sometimes you make me feel over the moon

Sometimes you make me feel under it all

Why?

Today

I am reminded that I am hated
That I am never good enough
That my past mistakes will forever haunt me
That repenting is a waste of time
That I will forever be judged by my sins

Tomorrow

I shall remind myself that I am loved more
That I am good enough
That I learned from my past mistakes
That repenting brings me closer to God
That I will instead be judged by how much I learned from my sins

You amaze me
You really do

With your selfishness
Your lies
Your exaggerations
With your vivid imagination

You amaze me
You really do

With your cruelty
Your evilness
Your irresponsibility
With your self victimisation

You amaze me
You really do

I've been with you for more than 10 years
From day one I was just average
I didn't even want to grow
Living one day at a time

But life got really, really hard
I found myself being at a crossroad
To retract a step would mean I lost
But the front was dark and lightless

I decided to move forward still
Really because of my tiny one
And that just changed the course of my life
I was relentless and driven to soar

Years go by with many achievements
Some were so immensely proud I am forever grateful
But that path was filled with tears and breakdowns
Some were seen, most were hidden

I just moved forward without hesitation
But somehow I just can't, just can't anymore
I don't have that glow, not anymore
Really didn't enjoy it, just no more

Hence I decided to give a go
With all my might and prayers to God
May this new path be better
But really there's never a guarantee

I leave you with a very heavy heart
Day in and day out I just persevere
Hope it will go on, filled with success and more
Because really, that is my ultimate goal

It's never really a goodbye
More to see you soon
Never really apart
Just a tiny bit distanced

Thank you
For all and all and just all
For giving me the room to grow
Thank you

Hello there little fella
Why do you look so awfully glum
Is there a reason behind that tiny little frown
Why are your eyes so glassy and bright
What can be the reason you look so down

Where is that huge smile I used to see on you
Where is that loud laugh which fills up the room
Where is that tiny little hops in your steady walk
Where is that cheeky glint of mischief shining in your eyes

Hey there, hey there little dear fella
Come now come here and let yourself free
Don't sit gloomily there in that dark dusty corner
Let me be the ears to whatever your heart dismays

No. No. That can't be true
You're wrong. It can't be. No. No
You're imagining it. Its never true
You don't know what you're saying. No. No. No

Don't cry now little fella. There, there
There, there. Do wipe those poor tears
Don't let them fall. Don't let them flow
This too shall pass. This too shall go

You will be fine now little fella
You will be ok
You will get through this
You will be walking your way

This hug you are in now, it will always remain
This strength you feel now, it will always be there
This courage you hold now, it will always stay
This love you have now, it will always be yours

Always

Why do you talk about me behind my back?
Why do you scrutinize every single thing that I do?
Why do you have to criticize and criticize some more?
Why do you say you love me but your actions don't?

Why do you end up breaking up the tightest of ties?
Why do you still sit there on that high throne of yours?
Why do you not realize the lives you scarred?
Why are you so selfish beyond comprehension?

Why? Why? Owh why and why?
Why do you make them feel so so sad?
Why do you hurt their poor little hearts?
Why? Owh why? Why? Why?

I dreamed of this day since that moment
When you left me just like that
To mend my immensely broken heart

13 years have passed
And yet, here we are again
You looked at me and I looked at you

All those years, I practiced all sorts of scenarios
Most are me slapping you really hard
And me giving you a piece of my mind

Yet, we stood here, in front of each other
I smiled and you smiled back
All the hurt I let vapoured away

You told me I was your biggest regret
I stood there silently with a smile on my face
We both know that what was once there will never return

God gave me you back, served on a silver platter
Giving me a chance to give back what you did
But in turn, I chose that moment to forgive you instead

You always thought that revenge is what you want
When instead forgiveness is what you need
I am free now, free forever from you

Thank you

You have a choice every single time

Make it good

Make it worth it

Make it memorable

Make it last

Who are you?

Why do you irk me?

What did I ever do to you?

How long must I be patient?

When will you ever stop?

Why do you irk me?

What have become of us
How will we ever grow
What will our future be
What have become of us

We say what we want to say
Without even thinking of how that person will feel
The freedom we thought we owned
Has really made us into virtual bullies

The words and thoughts we once only dared to keep inside
We now type away furiously on our little keyboards
Vile, angry, evil words flood the tiny screen
Leaving the other person feel their world is really ending

Bullies, we are, we have turned to be
Leaving emotional scars trailing everywhere we go
No guilt whatsoever which makes it so much worse
Our inner self is really deep dark and cruel

What have become of us
Why are we like that
How did we turn out this way
What have become of us

I hate you
But I love you

I love you
But I hate you

This is no joke
Don't take it lightly
This is **** serious
Don't take it with ease

This virus is still out there
So please wear your masks religiously
This virus is determined to stay
So please wash your hands thoroughly

The first wave was bad enough
You all started to take all for granted
The second wave now seems to be relentless
You all still didn't learn your lesson

Wake up and be more attentive
This wave is no funny joke
Wake up and be more cautious
This wave must not beat us

I miss you
I miss waking up at 3am
At first to total silence
And slowly I'll hear the sound of you two talking away and drinking hot drinks

I miss you
I miss rushing to start the day
Run to your room and you're at your favourite seat
And I'll salam your hands and kiss your cheeks

I miss you
I miss having to see your name appear on my phone
You will nag about Bapak or my lil lion
And I'll quietly roll my eyes while trying not to laugh out loud

I miss you
I miss rushing home
I'll lie next to you while the TV is blaring
And we'll talk about our days, laughing or crying together

I miss you
I miss being with you
I miss looking after you
I miss you looking after me
I miss you
I really do

I miss you Mom, Momma, Mummy, Mak

Do you give yourself room for down time?
Do you let yourself go and just feel every single feeling?
Do you lock yourself up and fall to the ground?
Do you allow yourself to taste every bitter pill?

You should
You should cut yourself some slack
You should allow yourself to be low so that you can rise
You should let yourself grieve and be sad
You should know that you cannot bully your own self
You should love yourself
You should

See with glittering eyes
That's what Roald said

Who is it?

The one who will make you crumble

The one who will make you feel bad

The one who will bring you down

Who is it?

The one who will make you happy

The one who will make you feel alright

The one who will bring you up

Who is it?

You

It is your ownself

No one else

Just you

Back then
Life was easier

Back then
Life was happier

Back then
Life was calm

Back then
Life was at ease

Now
Life is challenging

Now
Life is a mixture of feelings

Now
Life is happening

Now
Life is sometimes at un-ease

You make me feel

Like singing Simply Red's song
Like rolling my eyes
Like smiling out of nowhere
Like smirking in silence

You make me feel

Like endlessly waiting
Like talking out loud
Like wearing my best outfit
Like frowning with small eyes

You make me feel

Like I am always taken care of
Like I can say whatever
Like I will not be judged
Like I will always be loved

You make me feel

Like me
The old me
The new me
Just like me

He gave me his hand
But all I can do is stare at him
He nudged my hand to accept it
Yet I still continue to stare at him

Let me help you
But all I can do is sit there numbly
Let me be with you
Yet I still continue to sit quietly

When should I say yes to your help
What must I go through to finally abide
Who should I listen to just so I'll say yes
How do I convince myself that I'm doing the right thing
Why must I finally sit back and accept
Where will I end up at after all of that

Tell me right now
What do you want from me?

Tell me right now
Why do you always hurt me?

Tell me right now
How do you heal the intense pain you brought me?

Tell me right now
Where do you think this will bring me?

Tell me right now
Who will help and support me?

Tell me right now
When will you ever really love me?