I've tried time and time again to write you this poem, to write how I feel about you, but I can’t.
Not due to the lack of words, but on the contrary due to an abundance of, feelings, and things I
can’t explain.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried describing your personality the way you make my
heart pound at the thought of you;the sight of you.
Only to end up with nothing. Left speechless with a giant grin on my face.
The way a kid lights up during holidays.
If only my brain knew how to put together the perfect words to tell you that everything you do
everything you are is exactly what I’ve been looking for.
I’ve always known how to start these poems, I’ve always known the right things to say.
Yet I sit here confounded still not knowing how to show you how much you mean to me.
I know that you might not understand, and it’s okay.
If only you’d let me love you, if only you’d let me show you that I would never hurt you..
That when I think of you all I want to do is spend every minute next to you, and to give you the
world.
To make you feel wanted.
To be yours, to be your safe place.
If only I was special to you maybe I wouldn’t feel like this.
Sometimes I feel like I’m fighting for something I can not win..
Sometimes I come off desperate, clingy
But only because I don’t know if my chance will ever come.
I’m scared that the feelings will someday disappear
I’m scared that you will never need me the way I need you.
Afraid that the happiest moments will only be memories of something that never was.
That you will never love me the way I love you..

The mask comes undone.
Once and for all; the rhinestone covered face breaks. Tiny pieces of glass, falling.

And behind it was a face that no one had seen. One that no one would've imagined.
How could such a beautifully painted smile lie in pieces now?
As this fragile girl stood crying. A wave of sadness overtook the atmosphere. And suddenly they knew her suffering had become too much. They saw the heartbreak in her eyes, and the scars on her body that never healed.

No one ever asked her if she was okay.
She was the one they could go for when they needed help.
No one ever thought about her problems..
How would they know she hid them so well...

She always had a smile, and made everyone laugh. She was the sun, the epitome of silly and kind.
But as cliché as it was she was also the one who hurt the most.

The emotions bottled up, the issues she heard from everyone else almost felt like hers. The weight of being everyone's hero she barely had time to deal with her own..
Put them away she said, your friends need you. But on this day it was too much. Everything she'd repressed came to light she was miserable she was completely exhausted.
Energy lost.
Hope gone.
The will to help was non existent.

They had taken all her energy and left an empty carcass that once was a smiling and actually happy girl. And who was there to be her hero?


No one. Not a soul. She was left all alone in the darkness in the shadows of her friends and family. Because without her they were nothing.

One small thing, that's all it is.
One small thing to ruin the happiness I've built.
One small comment to make the water fall from my eyes.
The silliest things, the tiniest hint of hostility. Causes so much pain..

I look down to where my scars used to be. My wrists a sensation begins almost like a tickle. This feels so familiar.
And I can picture the little red lines. Like tally marks.
One for last week,one for yesterday. One for today.

In my mind I know these thoughts are harmful. Dangerous.
I've worked on this.
I learned to ignore it.
My mind says no, but will I really take the blade and tally up the score?

What's the worst that could happen?
After all it's just one.small.thing.

10mgs,
20mgs.
One,two,three.. day after day.
All just to keep this artificial smile on display.
Days drag out and the little stars that twinkled in our eyes now replaced by black holes.
Our soulless bodies sinking like broken bottles in the ocean.
The happy memories that haunted our minds nearly gone, the goosebumps we got when we remembered our first kiss are no more. Bodies numb.
This feeling,this curse; inevitable.
Every child born after condemned to a lifetime of synthetic happiness.
In capsules of sea foam green,and custard yellow. To be taken like our favorite candy.
The amount being consumed will become ungodly leaving hollowed shells and the walls to talk to.
Only the last glimmer of light in your pretty little head can save you.
Every memory.
Every emotion colliding like a kaleidescope of color.
The thoughts of him,thoughts of her.
The voices...
Another simulation complete.