i bought the brightest colors of bandages from the drug store,
i put them all over the the scrapes you left on my skin.
i wrote on top of them with a sharpie.
all the words you said, so everyone knows why i’m hurt.

i couldn't figure out what was worse
smoking or loving you
either one would turn my lungs black
and stop my heart eventually

state of you
i've moved to a new state
the one in my mind
they call it missing you
every night i drive by buildings
i look above the doors
addresses are nailed to the walls
the numbers are made up of significant dates that
meant something to us
the billboards i pass are full of
old pictures of our memories
and the stop lights are every color
that made up your eyes

i picked a rose today.
off a bush
that sits underneath
my childhood window.
the thorn poked into my skin.
i watched as the blood started to trickle
down my finger.
i stood there and pondered.
which one holds the most beauty?
the rose that i just picked,
that will be put into a jar and wilt away?
or the blood spewing out of my finger
as a reminder that i’m still alive.

taunting,
like my childhood bully
on the blacktop
of the elementary school i once attended.
poking me all over.
tormenting me.
the mocking laughter.
kicking me in the ribs,
until i ran out of air.
that's what our memories
feel like

for the longest time,
my pillow case was
the only one who
saw me cry.

you poured gasoline
inside of my lugs
you struck the match
and watched as the inferno begun