I love her
but she doesn't know
I am somehow there when she is sad
but she still only views me as a friend
but that's okay
I listen to her problem
and cheer her up


In the end
I can describe all that I feel for her in six words
"I love you very much, Kath"

I scream and yell
never to be heard
I can scream all I want
let out all the anger

                                                          I can laugh and giggle
                                                          as much as I want
                                                          and that is all they will hear

I need to warn him
that he is in danger
I need to tell him to run
far away

I run as fast as I can to the place
                                                                   he is late
                                                                  
                                                                he has a calm face
                                                      something definitely happened
all I know is I need to help

               once again we argue
      no one winning
we yell out how we feel

                                                   but he just holds up his gun to me
                                        he says he will deal with his own conflicts

I can't do anything
but I have to

                                                 he holds the gun to his own head

I yell his name

                                                        ...

I stare at his body

                                                             ...

tears roll down
and all I do is just stare at him
I can't do anything anymore
my brother, he is gone

In the mists of all the thunder and lighting
I made a decision
to strengthen my bond with my dad
before its too late
I do not want to die not knowing that my parents
truly love me
because for some time
I felt like no one loved me
people may like me but never love
and the fact that I was never able to accept any love
left me emotionally in a coma
I did not know how to react to things that most people would
and I still dont
I am willing to learn how to
but I am still afraid
I know that writing this probably means nothing to other people
but to me, it is going to be like a written contract to myself
to make new moments happen

Let us make it feel brand new

Let us make it feel nice and clean

sometimes I wonder
Who am I?
am I an artist?
am I a writer?
am I a background character of someone else's story?

Why can't I figure me out?
If God won't tell me who else am I to ask?

When you want to just end it all
all of it
at the same time

end time
end the world
end yourself

but all I can do
is slow everything down

slow my heart
slow my breathing
slow my thoughts